How could I not respond to so many of you who commented on my last blog, What’s a Girl to do with The Movers? 

As a Pleasure Professional, a Tantra Goddess, and last but not least, the Queen, I accept the invitation to continue this marvelous erotic adventure, at least in my imagination! In this scenario, my actions have very little to do with my nice girl and much more with my wanton animal self, albeit with a good head on her shoulders.

So many of you you cheered me on wishing I had just “gone for it,” and my sweetheart and I chuckled at the possibility! After fourteen years with the same fantastic man, the ejaculatory relief of the moving guys in my temple of sacred love would not exactly have filled my cups. My pussy, yes, perhaps… but not my Yoni, my chalice of divine intervention with God. Oh, without a doubt, it would have been an adventure into lusty passion on a hot summer day alone in the house… but with my background, this erotic adventure would have gone something like this:

“Hey guys….” (hmmmm….. not quite….. what would that sound like if I was in my power?)

“Men, what Ma’am wants is what Ma’am gets. Steve, reach into that drawer for that tube of lube. How close and how slow can we go? Pass those lovely lips my way, men of steel. Breathe hot into my ear and neck ever so slowly over my luscious breasts. Steve, I want you first, then Quinn… then Mike…. S L O W E R darlings…. until we run out of time and you have to return another day.” Panting hard now, the scent of man and sweat ignites my animal self…

Shit… who has condoms? Not me… never need ‘em! Where’s that lube?

Guys in a hurry never think about a woman needing more WET than they can provide. Damn… lost in the chaos, that lube was too far away. “Hey guys, just keep your blue jeans on and hold me tight, as if you love me more than life itself and you never wanna let me go.”

Right! I am a Tantra Yoga teacher… I know things! I know the difference between my human animal and my divine feminine. I know that sharing about an afternoon’s adventure like that with my darling over wine and grilled swordfish and vegies would not make his day. I know that hot relief is like eating at In ’n Out…(pardon the pun) and is instant gratification (hey, you want fries with that?). And I want you to know that I am having more satisfaction writing about the possibilities than if I were writing about hot sex on a hot day.

Sometimes I lament my graduation into consciousness as it relates to my own sexuality. You can still have it any way you want… there are no rules, only your own truth in each and every moment. I love it all.

Sometimes I want my lover In ‘n Out, and sometimes I want a slow dance that lasts a lifetime. That is how I view the gift of playing with energy as it is called for in the moment.  It’s all Tantric! It’s all Divine! Tantra is, after all, the yoga of everything.

The recent teaching week at Esalen Institute for fifteen couples of all ages and stages held the same gratification as it always has. One of the couples called Charles and I the Sexual Bodhisattvas of Love. Now that is a testimonial I am proud to bear!

Now that I’m settled in my new home and The Movers are long gone, I’ve launched my private practice once again. Individual sessions via Skype or in person (in Genoa, NV) are available and I’m now offering a 3-Day Divinely Feminine Experience scheduled at your convenience!

In harmony with the Seasons,

Caroline

Sensual/Sexual Meditation Practice

One only reaches a state of meditation for brief periods, if at all, as the mind will want you to notice that you aren’t thinking and then alas, now you are thinking again! But practice makes perfect. Meditation is an inner seeing and sex is enhanced by intimacy (in-to-me-see). Tantric sex includes meditating with the beloved knowing that the act of sex brings you closer to the God or divine in one another. On the other hand, casual sex is simply a meditation on the genitals, with orgasm as the goal, aka “Fast-food Sex.”

I recommend beginning with a solo practice, whether you are in a relationship or not. Once you have created luscious habit of self loving sensual/sexual meditation, you’ll have much more juice to bring to your relationship!

How do you make time for sexual meditation and/or pleasure? Put it on your calendar, your iPhone, your computer with regular alerts! Create a daily 5-10 minute practice during the week and a 1/2 hour practice on the weekend.

Set the stage: create or weave a special cocoon with your vivid imagination. If at all possible, a candle-lit bath or ‘pleasure nest’ just for YOU with your favorite music, scent, lighting, fabrics, mirrors, art. Look at yourself in a mirror while you relax and SEE the transformation of the busy you into the pleasure

goddess that you are. Anoint yourself with oil… massage your own breasts (not just your nipples) but give yourself a sensual breast massage just for the pure “health” of it. Massage your inner thighs and especially any area (belly?) that you think is too fat, or too flat, or too something. If you don’t love yourself, who will? YOU are your own most intimate partner. Practice loving yourself and your self will love you better!!

Bringing Sensual/Sexual Meditation to a Partnership

During sex, meditate on your partner (what! look at them? Yes!) Eyes-open enhances intimacy. Let your eyes say what your words want to say (slower darling or take me, beloved or you’re mine, sweetheart or I adore you, honey. Your eyes are powerful tools to enhance sexual pleasure. Capture your mind and make it work for you!

If eyes are closed during sex, meditate on your own breath. Meditate on the scent of your partner. If his or her eyes are closed, open yours! Surprise them by being present even if they seem to be in their own world, the world of pleasure! Use your inner vision to follow your breath… up the spine and down again.

Or, use your internal vision to feel your breath coming into your nostrils… and out again… in an endless wave of coming in and going out. Like the lapping of the sea upon the shore, it relaxes the brain from all its busyness and turmoil.

Feminine Libido Enhancer

While sitting at your desk or meditating on your mat, spend 5-10 minutes meditating on internal muscle exercises as outlined below. These are not kegels, but secrets from the ancient Eastern practices of Tantra and Taoism. Ask your brain to follow your breath and the parts of your body that you are feeling. Take a break from working while at your desk even if your eyes are open… you can use internal gazing or no focus with eyes open.

This practice brings more blood flow to your sexual center, arousing your life force, and distributing it upward with breath toward your brain. It also prepares your sexual organs inside and out to engorge, wake up, and feel their aliveness

1. INHALE deeply and hold breath.

2. While holding, SQUEEZE your internal muscles … tighter… tighter… tighter.

3. EXHALE and relax these muscles completely … until you feel a pool of energy beneath you.

REPEAT 2 more times… squeezing as you hold the breath… relaxing as you exhale.

4. Now inhale deeply, hold breath while pulsing the muscles (squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax).

5. EXHALE slowly while relaxing your muscles. When all the breath is out, begin your next sequence.

6. INHALE slowly and  pulse (squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax)

7. EXHALE deeply while relaxing all tension in the muscles

REPEAT 2 more times and let go of all technique

8. MEDITATE on the energy you have cultivated that you are now “sitting on!”

While meditating on the energy, a woman might repeat to herself:

I am a goddess of pleasure

All acts of love are my rituals

I live in a perpetual state of orgasmic bliss

This is my birthright

Meditating your way to Bigger Orgasmic Pleasure
during Clitoral Orgasm

Meditate on breathing into and from your aroused clitoris. Use your inner imagery to imagine it growing taller than Empire State Building! If with a partner, imagine it growing through the upper palate of your partner’s mouth and into his brain (now you are penetrating his brain into a heightened state of consciousness!).

Rather than tightening your legs and shortening your breath, relax your pelvis, deepen your breathing while sounding Ahhhhhh on the exhale. LOUDER… LOUDER (into a pillow if need be, but LOUDER!)

State clearly… I’M COMING!! After exhaling fully, take in another deep breath, sipping your pleasure as if through a straw right up into your brain. See it lighting up like Fifth Avenue at Christmas.

Let me know how you like these techniques by commenting below.

Woman in robe flipped

By Caroline Muir

There isn’t a female libido pill as yet on the market. Ever wondered why?

Female arousal is a complex affair, perhaps more complex than an actual ‘affair’! It is so complex that I can only refer you to the best information I have ever read to explain the intricacies involved in female arousal: Vagina, a book by Naomi Wolf. I am privileged to have had my classes with women written about in twelve pages of this masterpiece of research.

A couple that I am counseling touched my heart deeply as I felt into their pain resulting from the fact that she doesn’t want to “have” to have sex any longer with her husband, at least for now. Their sexual loving is not painful or aggressive. She loves him and he loves her. She just doesn’t want to! Josh sits before me in shock and grief as this is his primary way to feel union with his beloved Heather… or as he describes it he is “a thirsty man desiring water… hungry for intimacy with his wife.”

Upset older couple roundHe remembers the last time they made love. He admits they were just going through the motions… that it wasn’t a thoughtful joining as they had been learning from me; the principles of Tantra and the yoga of intimacy. She really does not know why this is her truth and how she feels at this time. 

The sadness I feel and see in them is reminiscent of a lost and lonely place. As a woman, I do not find her wrong or broken or in any way ‘a mess.’ She is a wise and compassionate therapist, successful in her world. She “just doesn’t want to”! Sex for Heather is no longer fulfilling.

Yet she grieves his sorrow. She gives him freedom to explore… to continue living ‘as a man’ with others. That of course leads to talks about separate living and the myriad of painful situations that include grown children, friendships and family, pets and the daily playing of music that they share. He grimaces at this gift of freedom… he only wants his wife. I know this parting of physical/sensual/sexual ways is common to long relationships and marriages. I reach into my fifty years of living in relationships for words of wisdom.

Older Couple playing chess crop roundI suggest dropping deeper into friendship with one another, something they both feel is uppermost in their marriage and relationship. I suggest “Let It Be” as John Lennon sang to us as we were all reaching for the light of understanding.

I suggest a “sabbatical” from their sexual marriage, while deepening their intimacy and friendship with one another and their families. I invited Heather to do a Ritual of Completion with me or with her women’s group, in an invitation to “lay to rest” her duty as a wife. It’s very possible that in dropping the inherited duty of a wife, she might very well find her sensual joy in the freedom to say no!

Josh now has the opportunity to choose Heather for the warm and wonderful companion whom he has grown to treasure over twenty years. There is a heavy “should” in how a marriage is supposed to look in the sexual arena, and women often struggle with these libido changes as they age. It appears that we need to claim our autonomy from the marriage identity, often without wanting to lose the marriage, while hoping to find a new level of desire based on loving friendship and freedom rather than the duties of marriage.

Couple with baggage clear

Marital Baggage can be quite heavy. In the pure union of lover and beloved, this conflict isn’t meant to be heavy. In an ideal world we would want to make love as a celebration of our love. Yet libido for both men and women alters from the natural flow of desire that we knew when we were younger. The best antidote for a lazy libido is to simply… play!

Easier said than done? “Seriousness is an adult disease” and Sex is serious business. How about this instead: Play with one another…  play with yourself… play with your children… learn from the kids and pets about ‘play’ and bring that Quality of Play to your lover. Let go of goals, orgasms and performance. They are the biggest blocks to play!

I would love to hear from you! Please comment and add both your serious and your playful thoughts.