Eros, Love, & Desire

“Despite all of our best efforts, Eros will not be silenced. Eros is still here whether it shows up in secret shameful desires or secret shameful eating… in rebellious acts of sexual delight or lonely acts of sexual desperation. The erotic is in our buildings and bridges, our high art and low porn. It is what the body wants and what we refuse to give it… It is the desire swept so far under the rug that we can’t even name it anymore, yet it is still here. The erotic is waiting, curious and hungry, growing impatient for our acceptance. Ready to leap out at unexpected and inopportune moments. The domestication of our primate souls cannot stamp it out, nor the threat of stoning nor shame nor even the threat of death. Even when Eros appears to have surrendered beneath a sea of calm, measured reason and propriety it is there… diverted into the car purchase, the affair, the internet shopping spree, the constant surfing and yearning to fill the empty spaces in our souls.”
— Anonymous

Dear One,

There is so much we know and so much we don’t know about love, desire, passion, lust, the sacred, twin flames, soul mates… and the list goes on. What we know is what we feel in the moments when Cupid’s arrow lands willingly in our heart or any other part of our complex terrain. There is no mistake when we feel the penetration of that which we often call LOVE!

It spins our minds into a swirl of possibilities… it gives us hope! It ignites the weary soul, the flaccid libido, the lifeless and repetitive days. For centuries poets have written of this mystery so we could turn to their words for support and understanding. See! I’m not the only one who has ever lost her balance over compelling desire!

I personally prefer living in a state of “in-love-ness” whether it be over a person or over me! Of all the choices I could make (worry, fear, concern, etc.) I continue to shape and mold this self-serving choice into something palatable, tasty, and life-affirming.

I reflect upon the sensational times in my life when the unmistakable lure of lusty love drove my attention towards that which made my skin itch with desire. At times it was in the form of a white sandy beach met by blue sea water into which I could immerse my body and soul. Other rushes of love came in the form of men or women, cats or dogs, babies or children, which compelled me to focus all of my longings and aliveness upon them… only to be met or ignored, never knowing if they would take a second look at my interest in them.

There is an unwavering hope that I will be met… met by a best friend, met by a lover, met by an invitation to experience life in a certain way that I didn’t even know I wanted or yearned for. The longing rises to the surface at unusual times, often at night when I can’t sleep… when the veil between the worlds is most thin and I know this other presence is waiting on the other side of the veil, a mere breath away. I know of soul mates and twin flames and at times have been certain I was looking into the eyes of that other soul at the same moment as they looked into mine.

But was it true love, the kind that changes the landscape of a Life well lived yet that has been vacant in this particular area of fulfillment?  I wish I knew…. I wish I knew….

Do you? Please share!

I’ll be teaching only one Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing® for women retreat this year… and early-bird pricing is good through January 31st. It’s the same curriculum as our expensive Costa Rica retreat, at 30% lower cost, and we’ve got 5 all-inclusive spots available at $2997. Grab ’em before they’re gone!

Xoxo Carolina

Erotic Intelligence

I am in love with the word erotic and the phrase erotic intelligence. The word “erotic” conjures up a definition of my own personal brand of sex or sexual fantasy. It must contain the erotic — which might be described as soft reminders of sexual possibilities — so that my imagination has a chance to get into the game. It is said that good sex begins in the brain, and I admit that this is definitely true for me.

Let’s consider the Erotic, that stream of energy that weaves into and through nearly everything we do and everything we are. Wanting to find more support for my ideas on that great web of information at my gaily painted fingertips, I find…

… that my computer won’t take me to anything under the simple word erotic! Merriam Webster does offer a category called related words, however, words such as:

Racy, Lustful, Obscene, Sensuous, Bawdy, Titillating, Lascivious, Dirty, Lewd, Indecent, Pornographic, Smutty, Vulgar

Luckily, I found something more poetic and insightful on the meaning of erotic!

The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves. Audre’ Lorde’s “The Erotic as Power.”

I like to define the erotic as “the prana (or essence) of Shakti.” Erotic intelligence brings a certain intentionality to it, wouldn’t you say?

I remember a time when a lover commanded playfully yet seriously… “Surprise me! Seduce me!” As I headed for some sexy lingerie to wear, many images called to me but none of them felt like “me.” I knew that what to me was seductive would not be nearly “sexy” enough for him. I froze right then and there, stiff and immobilized in my sexy lingerie because I could not authentically “act seductive.”

I didn’t feel it for him but even more importantly, I didn’t feel it inside of me. It wasn’t something I could just turn on… or was it? Confused again by this vast and powerful aspect of my human feminine that I call “sexual” and now “seductive,” I countered with “Since you know what it is you want, why don’t you seduce me?”

What followed was pretty ordinary, so I have set out to understand what is erotic to me. I am the only one I can begin to figure out, though I would hope to be able to figure out my lover, at least sometimes. In-depth talks can reveal many mysteries and secrets within the lover’s soul.

As a woman, I can highly recommend a Sounds True recording by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. called How to Love a Woman. Within the vibration of her voice and words, I learned more about own erotic intelligence than I have ever learned in bed with a man… or woman, for that matter.

The erotic life requires an investment of time committed to living fully. The world of Eros is the world of true relationship. I was taught that I must be fully alive (something I strive for anyway) and that I must be fully present. These are the stepping stones of my Tantric life and teachings. Mindful awareness in each moment is required in order to walk the thin line of courage to love and express that love fully.

What does erotic mean to you?