If you haven’t read part 1 of this post, it lays the foundation for this conversation. You can read it here.

 

mature-woman-850600_1920If you are a woman over 50, how are you presenting yourself to the world? As a sexless granny? Or as the amazing, beautiful, sexy woman that you inherently are? It doesn’t matter how old you are, what size you are, or how many wrinkles you have. Your life force moves within you as much as you allow it until the day you leave this earthly plane.

 

We KNOW that older women hold the wisdom of life experience and the fire of deep pleasure within them. I can hardly think of anything more toxic to our feminine power than to deny who we really are! This kind of sexist stereotyping can lock women into a deep hunger that they have little permission to explore or satisfy. It’s time to get real.

 

Mature women who hide their essential feminine core are only pretending… as if there is something wrong with being fully alive. Who are you protecting? Your sons? Your reputation? This is something that may have been passed down from your own mother. And to her from her mother. It’s time for the old paradigm to shift. Let go of what no longer serves you! It’s time to be ALL that you truly are as a woman and a sexual, sensual being!

 

Please, share your feelings and thoughts about this topic. It’s VERY important and very much “up” right now in our culture.

Big Love, Caroline

Should Mature Women Hide Their Bodies?

Dr. Jenn Brandt, director of Women’s and Gender Studies at High Point University, recently responded to a tweet that raises some major assumptions about women’s sexual identity as we age. The tweet, made by Piers Morgan, accused actress Susan Sarandon of being “very tacky” for showing off her “ample cleavage.”

In her response, Dr. Brandt hit the nail on the head when she said: “We have two roles for women: when they’re young, a femme fatale sex object and then after that a mother or caregiver role.”


Let’s face it… breasts produce the milk that feed our offspring. Women nurse their young in public, though usually draped. As a woman in her ’70’s I would do exactly as Susan Sarandon has done… she ’shared’ her lovely breasts because she is still connected to her sensuality, her female confidence, and her passion for herself. She gets my vote!

The article goes on to say, What’s underneath all of this back and forth is society’s collective fear of a woman old enough to be a grandmother flaunting her sexuality. Women “of a certain age” are traditionally offered a limited range of activities; wearing muumuus, baking cookies and/or knitting. When a woman challenges that stereotype, it can and often does ruffle feathers.

knitting-150970_1280For those men who uncomfortable with sexy women over 50… I bet my bottom dollar they see every older woman as their mother, and mothers are definitely relegated to the hidden, invisible “granny corner” by their sons!

 

Young men usually do not acknowledge their mothers and their mother’s contemporaries as alive, sensual, fully vibrant women who love their passion and love to play with it.

 

These moms have had to hide their feminine sensual side all of their lives so not to arouse their sons! What kind of toll does that take on a woman? And what good does it actually do for anyone to “protect” the sexual security of men?

 

What’s YOUR opinion on society’s expectations of women over 50?

 

What do you believe is REALLY possible for a woman over 50 in terms of her sexual energy and identity as a feminine being?

 

Please share this with the women you know and love who are over 50.

Woman in robe flipped

By Caroline Muir

There isn’t a female libido pill as yet on the market. Ever wondered why?

Female arousal is a complex affair, perhaps more complex than an actual ‘affair’! It is so complex that I can only refer you to the best information I have ever read to explain the intricacies involved in female arousal: Vagina, a book by Naomi Wolf. I am privileged to have had my classes with women written about in twelve pages of this masterpiece of research.

A couple that I am counseling touched my heart deeply as I felt into their pain resulting from the fact that she doesn’t want to “have” to have sex any longer with her husband, at least for now. Their sexual loving is not painful or aggressive. She loves him and he loves her. She just doesn’t want to! Josh sits before me in shock and grief as this is his primary way to feel union with his beloved Heather… or as he describes it he is “a thirsty man desiring water… hungry for intimacy with his wife.”

Upset older couple roundHe remembers the last time they made love. He admits they were just going through the motions… that it wasn’t a thoughtful joining as they had been learning from me; the principles of Tantra and the yoga of intimacy. She really does not know why this is her truth and how she feels at this time. 

The sadness I feel and see in them is reminiscent of a lost and lonely place. As a woman, I do not find her wrong or broken or in any way ‘a mess.’ She is a wise and compassionate therapist, successful in her world. She “just doesn’t want to”! Sex for Heather is no longer fulfilling.

Yet she grieves his sorrow. She gives him freedom to explore… to continue living ‘as a man’ with others. That of course leads to talks about separate living and the myriad of painful situations that include grown children, friendships and family, pets and the daily playing of music that they share. He grimaces at this gift of freedom… he only wants his wife. I know this parting of physical/sensual/sexual ways is common to long relationships and marriages. I reach into my fifty years of living in relationships for words of wisdom.

Older Couple playing chess crop roundI suggest dropping deeper into friendship with one another, something they both feel is uppermost in their marriage and relationship. I suggest “Let It Be” as John Lennon sang to us as we were all reaching for the light of understanding.

I suggest a “sabbatical” from their sexual marriage, while deepening their intimacy and friendship with one another and their families. I invited Heather to do a Ritual of Completion with me or with her women’s group, in an invitation to “lay to rest” her duty as a wife. It’s very possible that in dropping the inherited duty of a wife, she might very well find her sensual joy in the freedom to say no!

Josh now has the opportunity to choose Heather for the warm and wonderful companion whom he has grown to treasure over twenty years. There is a heavy “should” in how a marriage is supposed to look in the sexual arena, and women often struggle with these libido changes as they age. It appears that we need to claim our autonomy from the marriage identity, often without wanting to lose the marriage, while hoping to find a new level of desire based on loving friendship and freedom rather than the duties of marriage.

Couple with baggage clear

Marital Baggage can be quite heavy. In the pure union of lover and beloved, this conflict isn’t meant to be heavy. In an ideal world we would want to make love as a celebration of our love. Yet libido for both men and women alters from the natural flow of desire that we knew when we were younger. The best antidote for a lazy libido is to simply… play!

Easier said than done? “Seriousness is an adult disease” and Sex is serious business. How about this instead: Play with one another…  play with yourself… play with your children… learn from the kids and pets about ‘play’ and bring that Quality of Play to your lover. Let go of goals, orgasms and performance. They are the biggest blocks to play!

I would love to hear from you! Please comment and add both your serious and your playful thoughts.