Just when I think there is no one there, I am catapulted into a dance, or perhaps it is a trance…  of kindness, connection, and quietude.

A text message, an email, or in my case a WhatsApp Chat, arrives on a chime… and a smile lights up my face. There is proof that I am not forgotten. I was just a bit lost for the last hour or so.

Or…  I forgot to become still… to go within… to clutch my phone so I can listen to an Audible book that brings me home to myself because the author’s voice reading her book touches my soul so deeply.

So much to do is an old habit of mine, yet I have entered into this phase of my life in order to learn to slow down.

My practice is to stop doing

Do you? Have a practice like this?

I stretch my computer-aching body and remember to squeeze my PC muscles. I lay down on the floor or the bed in a sincere attempt to feel better. “Take five,” I hear within. “This tension you are feeling really has nothing to do with you.” Perhaps this is true.

I read deep and moving email newsletters, often from women I know… the kind we, and they, call “Blogs,” but I want a better name for them… outpourings or becomings or meanderings… those all work for my sensitivity more than blogs! And I am touched, often beyond words, by these outpourings … as they invite intimacy. They invite me to see, feel, hear, know, what another is feeling, seeing, hearing, knowing. That makes my day; or my night, as my nocturnal meanderings find me once again looking into my screen for connection and creativity.

I received a text message from a woman my massage healer therapist told about me. She now comes to my apartment for  sessions where we instantly hold hands and dive deep into truths we are seeking or knowing as tears well up in a recognition of one another.  Women have a genuine hunger for connection. We cannot fake that we don’t. In those moments the soul drinks deeply of this medicine. The sacred comes at unexpected moments in unexpected ways.

Have you noticed that?

Women, like me, have a variety of activities to turn to when the computer jams or the planned moments are delayed or simply when I have had enough of “getting things done.” One of my distractions is to go to my closet, pull out a few things that I have loved but continue to ignore and lay my creative Shakti on them to discover… can they work or should I give them away?

Sadly, they worked 5-to-10 pounds ago but miracles happen, don’t they? I don’t need to go shopping! Thank Goddess for distraction as well as a positive attitude. I have learned to keep the things that are unique and discard the mundane.  Every closet clean-out in my life could join with the grocery lists I have written as proof that I am alive and living a fruitful life.

I confess to being continually fascinated by the ability of women to connect… to connect as though they had been told at birth that their moment would come and they would fall into one another like a fish taking to water.

“I feel like I have known you forever,” we say. “Here is my grandmother’s gold and ruby wedding ring… why don’t you wear it for awhile?”

That actually happened to me some years ago when a long lost sister and I knew we had found one another again. She slipped that ring upon my finger, and in some obscure way, we were married for a time. No, this was not a sexual or gay relationship, but a recurrence and a remembrance of an ancient friendship. I eventually gave back her family heirloom simply because it was time. It was a similar moment a year or so ago when I gave my gold and diamond wedding band that I had worn in sacred marriage with myself to a dear woman friend. I loved her enough to seal our bond in this way. I never regretted that moment. “Keep it.” I whispered, “It’s yours!” My bond with myself was that strong. I didn’t need to wear that ring anymore.

Speaking of Grandmothers … one of my favorite fables is the story of my sister-lover-girlfriend who got to sleep naked with her grandmother when she was five! To this day at nearly sixty, she remembers those times with misty eyes. I listen with my own misty eyes, wishing my grandmother hadn’t been so… Victorian… but she was. 

What followed that was my memory of sleeping naked with my grandFATHER when I was five.  Mainly what I remember in the little twin bed with my large grandfather was the sounds of the crickets through the open window all night long. Sweet… nothing threatening… just very sweet.

What a blessing that we were not ALL molested by an uncle or a grandpa! There is so much talk of all that on Medium and everywhere…  I am, quite honestly, amazed that these stories of hidden violations are ready to come out of the closets of millions of women, not unlike the clothes that no longer fit.

BE the Love that you are, Caroline

A Shakti Success Story

Franca Baroni, Shakti Success StoryMeet Franca Baroni, Attorney at Law. She showed up at my door last year for her three-day Immersion, but she did not look like this. Her aura was gray… her demeanor somewhat guarded and uncertain. She told me of her childhood growing up in an area close to the northern border of Italy, being educated in Europe and the U.S., and currently living in Seattle. She was working as an immigration lawyer for the past several years supporting undocumented victims of crimes, domestic violence, and persecution. She spent many hours a week in the detention center bringing hope to those who’ve lost it. It was depressing to say the least and although her work was meaningful to her, she felt drained of her life force… her shakti energy.

We talked, we laughed, we giggled like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in too many years. She shared a common restraint that many women feel when receiving sacred spot massage from a female… from a woman and person who isn’t a sexual partner. It’s difficult to allow arousal even when feeling it. There is a stigma worldwide that says, “If it feels good with a woman then I must be gay” or something like that.

I carried a lot of fear in my early days of doing this work about being touched by a woman in sacred spot massage. It’s so foreign for a heterosexual woman always geared towards men for sexual pleasure. What if we like it? Honestly, the touch of a woman is so healing that of course we are going to like it!

In our initial talks, I gathered that Franca no longer felt in alignment with her “job.” She was drying up in her work life even though her extraordinary young son was the light of her life and she was pursuing various creative projects. That has all changed since our work together… when Franca realized that she was not fully living according to her essential divinely feminine essence… her powerful Shakti woke up and spoke to her at a whole new level, like never before!

A true bond of sisterhood and friendship was born during our sessions together. Franca recently sent me the above photo along with the schedule of appearances of her One-Woman Show featured in Seattle and Denver venues. I am compelled to share this journey with you of a woman who took her life in her hands and changed it dramatically!

This is Franca today. Wowza! You might say. She is a One Woman Show… and she is taking herself on the road. I am so proud of how Franca honestly and fully listened to her Shakti when she went home to Seattle… within two months she quit her regular job… leaning on her trust in herself and the Divine Feminine and letting the magic unfold. She still continues to work as an immigration lawyer, now freelancing, but her priority is to make space for the creative and sensual Goddess moving through her.

If we were to explore the details, I’m sure we would have much compassion for the amount of work it takes for a woman to do what Franca is doing… yet we would also share in the extreme joy she feels every time she goes on stage.

Here is a video about what One Woman is doing to share her gifts with the world: One-Woman Show “Act in the Public Heart: A Lawyer’s Journey” You can learn more how to get tickets for her live shows here. Franca has two shows coming up: Oct. 19 and Nov. 3 in Seattle, WA at the Jewelbox Theater.

For those of you considering the path of becoming a much-needed Teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® as a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I know YOU will be the one writing articles one day about the people you have watched come into bloom with their shakti because of your belief in this sacred work. The Goddess and Divine Mother are calling you… are you listening?

Big love, Caroline

My View from the Top

Panama momentI have always loved the view from the top. As a child in Kansas, it meant the top of the big old apple tree in our backyard. In New York City during my 20’s, it meant the view from the top of the Empire State Building. In my 30’s, it was the view from the top of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado… in my 40’s and 50’s in Maui, the view of Forever as I gazed out to the never-ending Pacific Ocean of horizon and sky.

….and on and on until this became essential to my view of the world and of my life.

At the moment my view is from the top of Trump Ocean Tower in Panama City, Panama. Please don’t confuse this as my choice for our next President… the guy does build nice buildings, i.e. the one on Fifth Avenue in NYC and this 70-story hotel in the Republic of Panama overlooking Panama Bay and the Panama Canal. The 66th floor outdoor café is thrilling (especially when the lovely tropical rain falls)!

What does this have to do with the Divine Feminine and the Awakening of the Goddess… well, many things! I love to watch women… and I love to watch men watching women. It is a privilege and a study much like viewing fine art in the museums of the world. It teaches me so much about the masculine/feminine dance of awe-inspiring desire, sex appeal, and the longing to merge. I see the insatiable curiosity to touch, to reach for the scent of another, to capture a gaze… and yet there is the steady protection to withhold, to look down, to walk the other way.

Here, were I am one in a million with eyes as blue as the sky, I love to capture those gazes. They see me as a creature from another planet… a “gringo” from another land. I feel the energy to connect. I return that. And the spark is complete… I feel aroused by this ‘salsa’ energy. It’s alive as the Shakti of the Yoniverse, converging with the Universe at all times.

Panama_CityMy skin is soft as a ripe Mango. I feel reborn. It’s more than a vacation. This is a vacation with a purpose… to apply and acquire a Residency Visa from the Panamanian Government… to feel firsthand the air, the people, the sky, and the water… absorbing the elements of jungle and concrete as they meet in harmony with advancing economic sky-scraping technological reality. “Poof”… said the magic dragon. What is next?

I will be home in Nevada for another 11 months. I will move the Immersions for women and couples to a tropical hideaway once I find the perfect place for you to deepen into your own Mango skin! Stay tuned my dear ones… the magic dragon might find you next!

In the awesome spirit of adventure, Señora Caroleena