Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

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Where there’s a will, there’s a way! my Mama always told me. My partnership with Will is my longest relationship after four marriages and four divorces. I am not proud of that, but there was a lot I didn’t know as a younger woman. LOL… and LOT (Lots of Tears)!

I struggle to describe him. I also feel the need to write about him, in the greater context of my life, to you. For he is the reason I am not single. He is also the reason I have the freedom to have a lover who is a woman. And I want this portrayal as a follow up to my last Blog on Love, Desire, and Eros. Will is a good man, a kind man who will do anything for me. Yet he never loses his core connection to himself. I really like that.

Will and I are nearly the same age (75), though eight months apart. For a “mature” man, he has complete access to his ”little boy” … a charming little fellow … very playful … loves to dance, sing, and look into his computer screen for the better part of the day and the better part of all that is fascinating, outside the box of tradition, for things pertaining to our future.  He loves films, music, adventure, history, art, architecture, books, Artificial Intelligence (AI), science, life extension, the Singularity … and me.

He sleeps like a baby straight through the night. He is vital, healthy, and takes no prescription drugs. I am very proud to say that about him. He is a biomedical researcher, having helped his company bring to the market items like DHEA, Vinpocetine, NAD+ precursor nicotinamide, 5-HTP, Mastic Gum, Galantamine, and other products you might find on your vitamin shelf. He loves “brilliance” in all areas such as creativity, wine, and Life!

Into my life, he has brought a greater appreciation for all of the above. He’s brought kindness in the face of my anger, and the reality that “I’m sorry” is never needed … a rare being, indeed. Okay, I admit to not always being easy to deal with …

Upon meeting him on Maui in my kitchen in March of 2001, his first statement to me was, “I have always wanted to learn more about Love”! Let me tell you, I was stunned to hear that as well as compelled by his piercing blue eyes. “Then let’s have dinner,” I said, smiling. I had not dated in thirty-nine years. I was still married to Charles though living apart, afraid to end the marriage to my Beloved yet knowing it was most likely inevitable. That’s another story, and my Memoir, Tantra Goddess, tells that story. Will and Charles have a genuine love and respect for one another, which warms my heart to no end. They each appreciate how the other brings a special presence to me and how both have occupied long stretches of my life story.

After selling my Maui home in 2007, I permanently moved to Marin County, California and into a Frank Lloyd Wright-designed home with Will. Five years later we migrated to Lake Tahoe and then the Carson Valley in Nevada. After the sale of his business [a whole other story], he asked me, “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?”

A million-dollar question indeed … so I pondered and pondered while imagining the globe and where my choice might land and answered, “Someplace tropical … with an ocean I can swim in”.  A few hours later he calmly responded, “Panama”.  “Panama what and why?” I asked.

Where is Panama? I wasn’t exactly sure, but I instantly went to Google to find out! Perfect! Not one ocean, but two oceans to swim in!  “Okay,” I said, “who do you know who might lead us to someone who can help us make this move happen?” We were recommended by one of Will’s libertarian friends to Rainelda Mata-Kelly, the top name in legal Immigration services in Panama City, and 3 years later… here we are! Permanent residents with alien-looking photos on our ID cards to prove it!

We are not married, though we now have a contract called “Domestic Partnership” … a legal agreement in 50 states. It gives us the right to make medical decisions about one another if we ever have to. Neither of us believes in the institution of marriage, nor do we want to be married. That’s a 3-way “agreement” with the “State” as party # 3. Phooey on that!

Trusting in my heart and my gut is what got me here. In many ways, we are as different as night from day. Yet we live together in the harmony and domesticity that really works during this Next Season of My Life… 

            “When I was one I had just begun

            When I was two I was nearly new

            When I was three I was hardly me

            When I was four I was not much more

            When I was five I was just alive

            But now I am six; I am clever as clever;

 So I think I will be six now forever and ever…

            From:  Winnie The Pooh and Me

Your ever-lovin’ Carolina

Eros, Love, & Desire

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“Despite all of our best efforts, Eros will not be silenced. Eros is still here whether it shows up in secret shameful desires or secret shameful eating… in rebellious acts of sexual delight or lonely acts of sexual desperation. The erotic is in our buildings and bridges, our high art and low porn. It is what the body wants and what we refuse to give it… It is the desire swept so far under the rug that we can’t even name it anymore, yet it is still here. The erotic is waiting, curious and hungry, growing impatient for our acceptance. Ready to leap out at unexpected and inopportune moments. The domestication of our primate souls cannot stamp it out, nor the threat of stoning nor shame nor even the threat of death. Even when Eros appears to have surrendered beneath a sea of calm, measured reason and propriety it is there… diverted into the car purchase, the affair, the internet shopping spree, the constant surfing and yearning to fill the empty spaces in our souls.”
— Anonymous

Dear One,

There is so much we know and so much we don’t know about love, desire, passion, lust, the sacred, twin flames, soul mates… and the list goes on. What we know is what we feel in the moments when Cupid’s arrow lands willingly in our heart or any other part of our complex terrain. There is no mistake when we feel the penetration of that which we often call LOVE!

It spins our minds into a swirl of possibilities… it gives us hope! It ignites the weary soul, the flaccid libido, the lifeless and repetitive days. For centuries poets have written of this mystery so we could turn to their words for support and understanding. See! I’m not the only one who has ever lost her balance over compelling desire!

I personally prefer living in a state of “in-love-ness” whether it be over a person or over me! Of all the choices I could make (worry, fear, concern, etc.) I continue to shape and mold this self-serving choice into something palatable, tasty, and life-affirming.

I reflect upon the sensational times in my life when the unmistakable lure of lusty love drove my attention towards that which made my skin itch with desire. At times it was in the form of a white sandy beach met by blue sea water into which I could immerse my body and soul. Other rushes of love came in the form of men or women, cats or dogs, babies or children, which compelled me to focus all of my longings and aliveness upon them… only to be met or ignored, never knowing if they would take a second look at my interest in them.

There is an unwavering hope that I will be met… met by a best friend, met by a lover, met by an invitation to experience life in a certain way that I didn’t even know I wanted or yearned for. The longing rises to the surface at unusual times, often at night when I can’t sleep… when the veil between the worlds is most thin and I know this other presence is waiting on the other side of the veil, a mere breath away. I know of soul mates and twin flames and at times have been certain I was looking into the eyes of that other soul at the same moment as they looked into mine.

But was it true love, the kind that changes the landscape of a Life well lived yet that has been vacant in this particular area of fulfillment?  I wish I knew…. I wish I knew….

Do you? Please share!

Xoxo Carolina

Above the Stem, the Flower Grows…

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Stem Cell treatment is the subject of this Blog…

In particular mesenchymal stem cells ( MSC) which work in four main ways:

  • Controls Inflammation
  • Modulates the Immune System
  • Stimulates Regeneration
  • Reduces Scarring

I recently had 3 days of MSC injected IV into my bloodstream and my left knee. I am writing to you now in a lovely state of altered consciousness, though clear as a bell. I’m high on cellular energy!

These particular stem cells are available in the country of Panama, approved by the Panamanian government,  their version of the FDA.  To put it simply, MSC are harvested from the inner lining of umbilical cords from healthy babies. They are often referred to as “Golden” cells.

Imagine, if you will, that the energy and health of a newborn can be transplanted into adults of any age with any sort of condition … from children with serious Autism to aging adults with inflammatory diseases.  Medical maverick Dr. Neil Riordan has isolated these cells in his many years of research. His father before him, also termed a medical maverick, still has the Riordan Clinic in Wichita, Kansas, a clinic devoted to treating cancer with high infusions of Vitamin C along with Functional Medicine.

As I gracefully age into my mid-seventies, I am plagued by inflammation in my knees, causing my once very agile body to lumber about like an old person, at times. I especially notice this when going up or down stairs, doing yoga postures I have always been very flexible with, and walking longer distances.  As a practitioner of yoga now for 45 years, I have always been able to sit in a cross-legged seat on the floor and then simply come into standing from the floor.  Those days ended 5 or 6 years ago, and it devastated me to need to turn onto all fours and push myself up with my hands. My “aging years”… I came to accept, “begrudgingly.”

Perhaps you can relate? In future blogs, I will attempt to capture the changes I hope to notice after the infusion of these stem cells. I have heard resounding success stories from people who have traveled to Panama City for this procedure and many of them more than once. Now I will have my own story to share with you, rather than a hit or miss story about surgical knee replacement.

I recommend Dr. Riordan’s book, Stem Cells, A Rising Tide. The book explained, often with more science than I could comprehend, how the cells are grown and his journey in discovering how they work to bring about a rejuvenation of health.

What I love hearing is how people not only admire Neil Riordan, PhD, but love his Midwestern accessibility. The Clinic here in Panama has been open for ten-plus years, from the early days treating 5 to 6 patients a week, and now 40-50 patients fly into Panama City for their treatment over 4 days which includes lodging at the beautiful Hilton next door to the Clinic overlooking Panama Bay.

My only difficult days were the first and second as the cells injected into my left knee caused swelling and tenderness for 24-48 hours. Since then I am walking normally. The cells dripped into my bloodstream via IV left a lasting impression on my body. After the last treatment, I shivered and shook for 30 minutes or so as though I was freezing cold. It helped to be hugged by my warm man as we rode down the elevator and left the building. The tremors and cold feeling subsided within 30-45 minutes. The cells are full of light energy and that is the “altered” state I refer to.

My friend, we are together on the cusp of a changing world. I compare this to my fear about knee surgery or replacement, knowing how invasive surgery is on the body. I know my body does not want to endure another type of surgery. I have grown too sensitive for the drugs needed to endure the pain from surgical procedures.  You either know it’s for you, or you know it isn’t. I trust in that “knowing” (also called gnosis).

This treatment should last at least a year. Not everyone needs a repeat visit to the Clinic. Everyone’s body repairs differently. That being said, I am not recommending the Stem Cell procedures because I have not had enough time to share the results with you. I do, however, expect to feel much better with less need to rely on conventional means or meds. This falls under the heading of New Medicine, and it has been undergoing clinical trials for many years. There are no negative reactions, and only rarely does “nothing” happen.

You might wonder how this relates to the Divine Feminine or sacred sexuality. Well…. If you are feeling good then every part of you gets a blast of that gooood feeling!

Nothing raises or lowers libido faster than a headache, low energy, or feeling disconnected from yourself or another. As I write I am feeling that tingling and buzzing of new life cells coursing across my pelvic bone and under my left shoulder blade! Our bodies are always signaling if we pay attention.

What the heck… I thought you should know!

And, you are the first to know of my recent experience! I have been anticipating this for many months. Care to contact me when you come to Panama City for your Cells and for that Private Immersion you have been thinking about for years?

Onward… in the hope we have moments of traveling together!

Caroline

Personal Reflections from Panama-My Year in Retrospect

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Panama City Skyline Caroline Muir

Latin America feels pretty darn good!

I suppose I’m “semi-retired” now! I turn 75 years young on November 10, and I’m fine with celebrating aging in numbers as long as I don’t feel that number! Often, I feel 17… or 37… or 57… having no clue what 75 is supposed to feel like, so I just have fun with it.

I love my Birthday every year… I love the time of year in which I was born… I love celebrating myself, and hearing from others who celebrate me! Some might call me a narcissist… I call myself a Woman with Worth, with genuine self-respect as well as high regard for who I have become. And so I am!

New Home, New Country, New Language, New Life

2018 was the year I downsized from a sprawling Nevada home into a lovely two-bedroom apartment with high ceilings and a forty-foot terrace overlooking Panama City and Panama Bay. Actually, I never saw this coming! I have chosen quiet, peaceful, and beautiful country life for nearly fifty years. Remarkable how much I have changed to now be entirely happy with my new reality. I smile my way down the elevator every day as I roll my shopping cart two blocks to the greengrocer, FOODIES, stopping at the most glorious French Patisserie for an espresso and… well, what can allow myself to enjoy today?

In my fourth month of living in Latin American, I am most enthralled with Latin people…  and add to that the Spanish language. I admit to resistance when it comes to learning or being “in school,” but I am also one hundred percent passionate about speaking Spanish. This may take years, but I have years to devote to becoming fluent.

Restoring my Vitality and Decreasing Pain

I am also here in Latin America for alternative health care. My focus in that arena is the work of Dr. Neil Riordan and stem cells… often referred to as the New Medicine. In December I will receive four days of stem cell therapy, my body and blood being flooded with Mesencheymal and Golden stem cells. I was accepted by the stem cell institute here because of Osteoarthritis (bone-on-bone) in my knees… and asthma. My January Blog will give you a full report, but I suspect a miraculous reversal in my vitality, energy in general, and physical rewards such as much less pain and increased use of my knees and legs.

Catapulting my Work

My work is catapulting into its next phase now that I have joined with Amrita Grace as co-founder of the Sacred feminine Mystery School. Amrita is a first-class teacher of the Practice of AH. Her CSSE (Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator) Teacher Trainings are impeccable and her reputation is growing to reach the global community of women… women eager to teach the Practice of AH (Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing®) so that the empowerment of women can spread like a jasmine-flower-vine covering a trellis with succulent beauty. Enjoy this link to a website recently created by one of our students in Europe!

My Private Work Continues in Panama

I recently had the privilege of sharing my private Immersion work with a woman from Peru who was with us last April in Maui. She gave herself a room in the JW Marriott Hotel right next to my apartment building, so I could “walk to work”!  This was her Retirement gift to herself after 38 years of service to the Central Bank of Lima. We laughed… we cried… we brought divine mother into a triad of healing and awakening during our four days of Sessions. She is still integrating so that we can share her testimonial with you accurately, as more than ever I realize how the Practice of AH is way beyond the average modality of healing… needing time to ground the results of the Practice into daily life.

Bienvenidos! I welcome you to visit Latin America, specifically Panama City, Panama. If you only come here to see the Panama Canal, that’s ok. But please do contact me if you want to claim more of your Birthright of Pleasure and Aliveness! Start by filling out a Discovery Session Application here.

Vaya con la Diosa (go with Goddess), Carolina

A Shakti Success Story

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Franca Baroni, Shakti Success StoryMeet Franca Baroni, Attorney at Law. She showed up at my door last year for her three-day Immersion, but she did not look like this. Her aura was gray… her demeanor somewhat guarded and uncertain. She told me of her childhood growing up in an area close to the northern border of Italy, being educated in Europe and the U.S., and currently living in Seattle. She was working as an immigration lawyer for the past several years supporting undocumented victims of crimes, domestic violence, and persecution. She spent many hours a week in the detention center bringing hope to those who’ve lost it. It was depressing to say the least and although her work was meaningful to her, she felt drained of her life force… her shakti energy.

We talked, we laughed, we giggled like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in too many years. She shared a common restraint that many women feel when receiving sacred spot massage from a female… from a woman and person who isn’t a sexual partner. It’s difficult to allow arousal even when feeling it. There is a stigma worldwide that says, “If it feels good with a woman then I must be gay” or something like that.

I carried a lot of fear in my early days of doing this work about being touched by a woman in sacred spot massage. It’s so foreign for a heterosexual woman always geared towards men for sexual pleasure. What if we like it? Honestly, the touch of a woman is so healing that of course we are going to like it!

In our initial talks, I gathered that Franca no longer felt in alignment with her “job.” She was drying up in her work life even though her extraordinary young son was the light of her life and she was pursuing various creative projects. That has all changed since our work together… when Franca realized that she was not fully living according to her essential divinely feminine essence… her powerful Shakti woke up and spoke to her at a whole new level, like never before!

A true bond of sisterhood and friendship was born during our sessions together. Franca recently sent me the above photo along with the schedule of appearances of her One-Woman Show featured in Seattle and Denver venues. I am compelled to share this journey with you of a woman who took her life in her hands and changed it dramatically!

This is Franca today. Wowza! You might say. She is a One Woman Show… and she is taking herself on the road. I am so proud of how Franca honestly and fully listened to her Shakti when she went home to Seattle… within two months she quit her regular job… leaning on her trust in herself and the Divine Feminine and letting the magic unfold. She still continues to work as an immigration lawyer, now freelancing, but her priority is to make space for the creative and sensual Goddess moving through her.

If we were to explore the details, I’m sure we would have much compassion for the amount of work it takes for a woman to do what Franca is doing… yet we would also share in the extreme joy she feels every time she goes on stage.

Here is a video about what One Woman is doing to share her gifts with the world: One-Woman Show “Act in the Public Heart: A Lawyer’s Journey” You can learn more how to get tickets for her live shows here. Franca has two shows coming up: Oct. 19 and Nov. 3 in Seattle, WA at the Jewelbox Theater.

For those of you considering the path of becoming a much-needed Teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® as a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I know YOU will be the one writing articles one day about the people you have watched come into bloom with their shakti because of your belief in this sacred work. The Goddess and Divine Mother are calling you… are you listening?

Big love, Caroline

Welcome to My New Latin World!

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Many have asked (though others don’t care)… why, Caroline, are you leaving America the Beautiful? More than leaving anywhere, for me it boils down to going somewhere new. Why not… Panama The Beautiful or Uruguay The Beautiful… or Portugal The Beautiful?  Why, indeed, would I choose to leave my homeland for a new way of life in a new and different “homeland”? Curiosity? Fear? Adventure? Tax hedge? Or… none of the above?

I do love adventure… always have.  But until this time in my eighth decade I have not been lured away from American soil for a new set of both problems and possibilities. In a practical way, I think about “the rest of my life,” and the vulnerable unknowns about things like health, financial realities, and a nagging voice that screams to me in words such as “do it before it’s too late!”.

Do what? Experience Ayahuasca. Live where I never need a jacket. Learn a new language. Meet interesting people who have lived their whole lives outside of the United States. Things like that. And the funny thing is… I adore jackets. I have an overstuffed closet full of cute, adorable, practical, and warm jackets! I don’t even care for Chilean Chardonnay… much prefer California Chardonnay or white French Bordeaux… so what is this lure now to live in a city of a million and a half… where my view is not green grass, or the Pacific Ocean, Lake Tahoe, or a yard full of grazing deer? My view is a sea of creamy off-white and very tall buildings that dot the coastline of Panama Bay where the Panama Canal still advertises itself as one of the Wonders of the Modern World.

My “stuff” has arrived from its journey by ship and now fits within the confines of a 1,650 square foot apartment on the 61st floor of a lovely 68 story residence. No one here knows who the heck I am or what I represent in the world. No one here knows my phone number or what car I drive, as I have given up owning a car for the first time since I was sixteen years old. I love being anonymous…  except for the doorman of this building who hugs me like nobody’s business as he endearingly opens the heavy glass entrance to the chic lobby of Trump Residency Apartments! Go figure… a girl from the Kansas suburbs goes LATIN.

More things have changed during this 74th year than meets the eye. I am in love with a woman! While remaining domestically true to my partner of 17 years who is sharing this experience with me, I am living now with a new Truth… about who I am and about my capacity to love more than One while negotiating time to spend with her and away from him. This requires a partnership of gigantic proportions, and I have one of those!!!

The details are too endless and personal for this article, but suffice it to say, I am fulfilled as I navigate tender territory. I have never chosen the traditional or easy path. I am a pioneer! My great grandparents crossed America in a covered wagon only to homestead land in Iowa as the great and new country called the United States birthed its beginnings way back when.

How are these revelations impacting you? What judgments, if any, arise? What inquiries of me might inspire you to write a response? I know you are busy… busy as can bee! But at least let your mind wash over these writings and land in places where you might be living your fear of change rather than embracing it. Change is the Way of the Goddess. SHE lives for change… SHE does not live in fear of change. These meanderings, formally called a “Blog,” are designed to share my innermost self as well as knock on your inner doors.

Come Play With Me in Costa Rica! Por favor, take seriously my invitation to join me and my divine team in Costa Rica at the end of November 2018 for Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Jump on your fear of “not enough” and claim your courage BEYOND the fear of not enough. Such Big Magic happens when 18-24 women do a swan dive off the high board and swim in heavenly and divine waters of feminine fabulousness! The $400 off early-bird discount expires August 31st.

I want your DESIRE to emerge… to surround me and make me look timid. Jump… Leap… into the unknown. Together we will fly.

Via Con Diosa (Go with Goddess), Carolina

My Breast Friends

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How many times have you criticized your own breasts? How many times have you hated them or wished they were different? Or are they your breast friends?

One in eight women will develop invasive breast cancer during her lifetime. It is the fifth most common cause of death from cancer in women. The rates of survival are improving because it is diagnosed at earlier stages and treated; however, an estimated 266,120 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in the U.S. in 2018.

My focus on this subject comes from several recent experiences I have had with women and the vulnerability of their breasts during my Awakening and Healing sessions. When I massage a woman’s body during my sessions, I always ask if I may touch her breasts with a healing intent.

As a woman touching another woman’s breasts I am very careful not to touch them with any intent for arousal, since my healing work is not about arousing her pleasure. Yet, I am now looking at my own fear and resistance behind that.

I recently had a client who asked if she could hold my breasts during a massage session. I had to re-examine my own boundaries for a long few seconds until I easily realized there was nothing to fear. I said, “Yes, of course,” and pulled off my top and the soft bra that held my large and lovely breasts (my breast friends). I was standing beside the massage table as I held her breasts while she held mine. Our eyes connected. I encouraged deep breathing and sounds to help move whatever surprise or anxiety we might be feeling. She shared with me that she has nursed four now-grown children, lamenting that she hoped to have surgery in the near future to lift her fallen breasts after the years of nursing.

We both felt emotional and loving during this exchange. I laid my breasts on top of hers placing my heart center on her heart center as we breathed with one another. To my surprise, I began to kiss her breasts, not her nipples, mind you, but as you might kiss a person’s cheek…and she returned kisses to my own. This was a delicate and tender moment that felt more tender and lovely than I can find words to express.

Tears fell from her eyes, as she said, “Caroline, this is the most healing moment I have ever experienced… now I can let the surgeon make them as lovely as they were before I nursed my four children.” And we both sensed when it was time to stop and integrate what we each felt. I was as altered by the experience as was she, and we both know that it was a moment we shall never forget.

Several months later, I had the honor and privilege of enjoying the breasts of another woman with whom I share a great deal of Shakti and desire… a very different energy as this woman is a friend and not a client. We are both very involved in conscious sexuality and sexual healing professionally, so it’s natural that these concepts would be present in the sharing of sexual desire and pleasure with one another. The pleasure I feel when she caresses my breasts, when she kisses my nipples and truly “loves” my breasts, feels like the most healing medicine of loving care I have ever known … from a woman.  There is simply NO WAY that diseases such as breast cancer could enter breasts that are this loved and revered.

When I inhale the scent of her… when I hold and enjoy her breasts, I am clearly in an altered state. She nursed her child for several years over twenty years ago, and I feel as though the child in me is being nourished by the ambrosia she carries. The experience with her goes so far beyond any sensual experience I have ever had with a man.

My recent explorations have greatly altered my view of who I am in my sexual identity and certainly as a woman. I know without a doubt that women can heal many issues around being female only in the intimate safety of another woman or women. I also believe that sharing pleasure with a woman that goes far beyond shopping together has value on so many levels. I weave the snippets of my past accumulation of intimate experience with women into a cloak of many colors. Now I wear it daily, as a reminder to revere the many-faceted gem of who I am… A Woman… a divinely feminine WOMAN~!

My personal life explorations into feminine sensuality are quite different from my work, where we guide women into holding sacred space for each other’s sexual healing and awakening, exploring such archetypes as “midwife” and “priestess.” When the barriers of fear and judgment break down and women melt into being held in this powerful space together, their healing impacts the entire planet and reaches backward and forward through the generations.

I’m happily settled in Panama now, establishing a new home and private practice. In the meantime, please consider joining us for our final Blue Spirit retreat in late November… Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Several women are bringing their husbands to enjoy the beautiful infinity pool, ocean, and grounds while they are in the workshop.

Your radically awakened Caroline

Sex and Monogamy – What Does it Mean to You?

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Caroline Muir

Whether it’s tantric sex, male-female sex, same-gender sex, porn sex, slow sex, sacred sex, or wild and crazy sex, when you boil it down to the bare facts, sex is still sex. A slow smile often creeps up on the face of someone reminded to think about sex. The word alone conjures very different images for different people. But it usually includes images of naked bodies doing things with one another that either includes or features their respective genitalia. But what about sex and monogamy?

The mention of oral sex also carries a lot of lively interest for many. I believe most men love receiving oral sex and enjoy it as a primary offering during sex. I have also known men who do not desire oral sex over intercourse. This may be a relief for some women as the size of a lingam is not always a perfect fit with the size of a woman’s mouth. (My dentist told me once that my mouth is small.)

Women also love receiving oral sex, but the act often makes women uneasy, with expectations that they should orgasm faster than is natural for them in order to please the giver for their efforts to pleasure her. And it can be difficult to explain exactly what works. We also can be overly concerned with how we taste or our scent, impacting our ability to simply be able to relax into receptivity.

Oral pleasure may become an issue for couples, especially as they age. Women often have a lot of issues around accepting their bodies as they grow older, and men find the positions for oral pleasuring uncomfortable (or so they tell me). I am interested in the opinions of young people about oral sex, as I was once told that they don’t consider oral sex as falling into the category of “sex,” but merely a safe sideline before the final act of “hooking up.” This sounds pretty lame in my opinion, but I doubt the vocabulary when I was a teenager was much better. We were told to have NO Sex Until Marriage, which was supposed to solve everything.

Let me tell you… it did not solve anything! If only I could have experienced oral pleasure as “okay” before marriage, I would have had a much more successful wedding night! Virginity was still a sacred gift for the husband of choice back in 1961.

I am currently inside of the discussion about whether it is acceptable for a woman to invite oral pleasure from someone who is not her partner in a committed relationship. If it’s not sex, then what is it? Does this fall into the category of adultery? Or a break in the vow of monogamy? Do our genitals automatically belong to our primary significant other? Who writes the rules other than ourselves?

I imagine that “confidence” is also in the mix for a man choosing not to pleasure a woman with his mouth. Of course, the woman must gently guide her lover into the intricacies of the oral arts, which is not always easy to do. Every woman is different at different times of the day, night, or month… yet the universal song I hear from women about men is “slow down”!

I do believe that a man has the inalienable right to refuse service! Just as women have the inalienable right to refuse (do they still call them “blow jobs”?) I think so! Yet the Tantric language for the oral arts is so elegant and respect-filled. “Honoring” the yoni or the lingam, which in no way requires a happy ending, though many desire just that.

And so my question looms for women who are in committed or monogamous relationships. Is it wrong to expect or request the “freedom” to receive the gift of oral pleasure from another, especially from another woman where intercourse will not follow? Do we need permission? Are our bodies sacrosanct unto ourselves, or does every inch of tissue belong to the beloved?

Please feel free to offer your opinions, unsigned if desired, and we will gather the data. It brings me to the following questions:

A) What is monogamy to you?
B) Are you creating your own version of monogamy in your relationship?

Thank you for participating in my inquiry,

In curious erotic intelligence, Caroline

The Anatomy of Desire

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Blue Eyes of Desire

Desire… passion… lust… ardor… love. These are compelling emotions. When they rise in me, like a wave upon the sea, I must hang onto something if I am to maintain any form of balance. This wave sweeps me into a cauldron of turbulence long before I land into anything formally familiar, such as peaceful serenity.

Quite honestly, desire is like a compulsive urge that takes over my otherwise clear focus. Gone is reason, sensibility, or the certainty that I know what my life actually looks like, for in the cauldron of desire I am rendered somewhat helpless.

And, I must admit, I love this visitation from Cupid’s arrows into the clear waters of contentment. I also fear this visitation, as I feel the rush of activated aliveness turning into intoxicated bliss. Suddenly every thought-form is now complex with the presence of an intensity to love – in this case – another.

Admitting to “I am in love” is akin to admitting I have gone crazy with desire. Now each breath contains the scent of the focus of this passion. His or Her skin is the only skin I ever want to feel again. His or Her scent is 100 Proof over-the-top sexual desire bubbling up from my genitals as it consumes everything in its wake within my formally familiar form. My legs shiver and my knees quake as my heart recognizes that I am in the grasp of this thing called Love.  All songs throughout my life that contain a recognition of this sword of Truth begin playing in my mind. I simply cannot return to a time before this visitation occurred. I am speechless, helpless, and hopelessly adrift.

I hope and pray it is simply temporary insanity!

Love and compassion for myself is my Rx for living a Life that is truly rewarding.  Happiness is a choice, often fostered by great friendships that spark a special aspect of my aliveness. Dare I say “yes”?  Dare you say yes?

With Amrita taking on the Sacred Feminine Mystery School Trainings, I actually have more time for Love. As this is my true path, I am eternally grateful… grateful for the opportunity to feel the depth of the love that I am.

My only solution for how big Love is, especially when Love goes beyond the One, is to hold the reality of loving others as the great Puja of Life. In the moment…  that looks like Love the One You’re With. In the next station of the Puja… Love the One You’re With… and on and on into the circle of Life.

Care to join me?

One hundred percent here with my Desire and my Love, Caroline

Erotic Intelligence

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I am in love with the word erotic and the phrase erotic intelligence. The word “erotic” conjures up a definition of my own personal brand of sex or sexual fantasy. It must contain the erotic — which might be described as soft reminders of sexual possibilities — so that my imagination has a chance to get into the game. It is said that good sex begins in the brain, and I admit that this is definitely true for me.

Let’s consider the Erotic, that stream of energy that weaves into and through nearly everything we do and everything we are. Wanting to find more support for my ideas on that great web of information at my gaily painted fingertips, I find…

… that my computer won’t take me to anything under the simple word erotic! Merriam Webster does offer a category called related words, however, words such as:

Racy, Lustful, Obscene, Sensuous, Bawdy, Titillating, Lascivious, Dirty, Lewd, Indecent, Pornographic, Smutty, Vulgar

Luckily, I found something more poetic and insightful on the meaning of erotic!

The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves. Audre’ Lorde’s “The Erotic as Power.”

I like to define the erotic as “the prana (or essence) of Shakti.” Erotic intelligence brings a certain intentionality to it, wouldn’t you say?

I remember a time when a lover commanded playfully yet seriously… “Surprise me! Seduce me!” As I headed for some sexy lingerie to wear, many images called to me but none of them felt like “me.” I knew that what to me was seductive would not be nearly “sexy” enough for him. I froze right then and there, stiff and immobilized in my sexy lingerie because I could not authentically “act seductive.”

I didn’t feel it for him but even more importantly, I didn’t feel it inside of me. It wasn’t something I could just turn on… or was it? Confused again by this vast and powerful aspect of my human feminine that I call “sexual” and now “seductive,” I countered with “Since you know what it is you want, why don’t you seduce me?”

What followed was pretty ordinary, so I have set out to understand what is erotic to me. I am the only one I can begin to figure out, though I would hope to be able to figure out my lover, at least sometimes. In-depth talks can reveal many mysteries and secrets within the lover’s soul.

As a woman, I can highly recommend a Sounds True recording by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. called How to Love a Woman. Within the vibration of her voice and words, I learned more about own erotic intelligence than I have ever learned in bed with a man… or woman, for that matter.

The erotic life requires an investment of time committed to living fully. The world of Eros is the world of true relationship. I was taught that I must be fully alive (something I strive for anyway) and that I must be fully present. These are the stepping stones of my Tantric life and teachings. Mindful awareness in each moment is required in order to walk the thin line of courage to love and express that love fully.

What does erotic mean to you?