As I prepare to go “public” in a whole new way, promoting my new online program, I’ve struggled with my self-confidence. My face and skin wear the markings of a life lived outdoors… a lifetime of facing the sun, having never heard of sunscreen and hating hats until it was too late.
I decided to go to a cosmetic surgeon in mid January for a deep CO2 Laser procedure on my face to remove the damage of those sun-loving decades on Maui. The Doc assured me I would be “back on the street,” or back in the pool, in three weeks; however, it’s taken a bit longer than that.
Nightmarish misery kept me awake many nights under my CPAP mask prescribed for sleep apnea several years ago, trying to figure out who I could blame for this. The CPAP mask added to my discomfort and aggravated my healing skin. I had to keep going “in” until I forgave myself for creating the need for this procedure. Many skin cancers have been removed since living on Maui, and I lovingly (with one side of my smile askance) began to call myself “Scarface.”
And yet, skilled with applying make-up since I was twelve years old, I still managed to shine! It’s all in the eyes, they say… and, I also want my glow to be in my skin. These weeks indoors and out of the public eye have revealed how much computer work and writing I still need to finish before my online program launches in April. It also propelled me to clean out closets, refresh my bras and panties drawer with many drops of Lavender from Provence, and even visit Facebook and browse the Internet more than I normally do.
Oh, The Discoveries I Made! I’ve connected with Anaiya Sophia of southern France, and she is the pioneering sister who holds the privilege of teaching and embodying Divine Sexuality beyond Tantra. She is birthing New Paradigm Relationships and the Awakening of the Sacred Body through touch. Anaiya teaches the Feminine expression of Christ Consciousness from the tradition of Mary Magdalene. She is a mystic of great wisdom, and now my friend.
I plan to work with Anaiya and her beloved Pete next year. I met them both during a Skype call in mid-February. She is the first teacher I have been drawn to study and work with in quite some time. She invites me to look deeply at myself and what I bring to the table of loving and living.
Loving Life with you, Caroline