The Mother Wound

One of my dear friends recently went into the hospital to fulfill her doctor’s recommendation that she have a hysterectomy to remove her uterus. This recommendation was due to a pap smear cancer alarm that could affect the health or longevity of her uterus. She was devastated.

She came to me grieving deeply about this loss. She told me that her only daughter was in residence at one time in her womb and that her daughter is quite precious to her. I pondered this situation, noticing that my usual compassion was not up to par as I listened. Even though I contacted and blessed my friend internally, I was having a hard time raising my healing love focus to the point where I felt I was doing some good.

Segue to my early life….

I have never been pregnant nor ever delivered a child. My uterus (womb) was removed during my mid-twenties, along with both ovaries and my cervix. I didn’t know how to miss them as I had never met them in the first place.

I adopted my daughter nearly fifty years ago. I suppose you could say it hasn’t turned out well, as she chooses only a very distant relationship with me; whereas I continue to feel into a commitment to love her unconditionally and eternally. I so desire a close relationship with the only daughter I will ever know! And I realize that probably sounds a bit dramatic, as realistically I have thousands of daughters that I have bonded with through my work as an educator and practitioner of conscious loving and sexual healing. Nonetheless… I have a need to be very personal in this blog.

These are the confessions of a woman who didn’t know how to be a mother! And my Mother could barely figure it out, which no doubt led to my uncertainty into the world of mothering. Yet the longing to experience and be a mother never leaves the place inside that aches for the best-friendship possibility with this stranger I’ve called my darling daughter now for nearly fifty years!

Mothering comes naturally to me in my work. I am all female with some masculine characteristics thrown in. I love to nurture, care-take, and protect. I do that with the men in my life and I do it with girlfriends when they need that kind of attention. I do it with my clients, nurturing and attending to their needs while they are in my care. I do it pretty well for me also, mothering myself well when I feel the ache for a mother’s love. I have raised two cats and three puppies in my day… successfully I must say! And “Mama Queenie” is the nickname I was given during my travels in Bali years ago by all of the Balinese mammas who nourished me so deeply.

The Mother Wound is so pervasive in our culture. Is there a woman who doesn’t know the work that it takes to come into alignment and acceptance with their mother? The very fact that we form within our mother’s emptiness, also known as her source, is an invisible umbilical cord that haunts us for life. I seek answers to all of this. Please… what do you know? Share your story with me in the comments.

We are going to dive deeper into this discussion during our next free global video conference, Sacred Feminine Conversations on Feb 11th. Hope you can join us.

Big Love, Caroline

Who is Teaching Our Men?

You are my dear! You are the teacher for a man when you are his lover.

There is the story of a spiritual teacher who was offered a night of love by one of his students and he answered, “Thank you, but no. I don’t sleep with my students.” The Goddess’s answer as she looked warmly into his tentative eyes was “Oh, I don’t want to sleep with you. I want to AWAKEN with you!” This brought our brother to his knees in worship and surrender to her offer.

I share this story because you, Awakening Orgasmic Woman, truly are his Muse. Aphrodite is part of your feminine essence if only you dare to speak and show and tell… how and where to touch you. Whether he is touching you with his fingers, his eyes, his lips, his tongue, or his Wand of Pleasure, he needs your guidance… he needs your encouragement… and he needs your loving, enthusiastic heart.

Showing a lover exactly how and where and what you like is a great gift to give to him or her. There is endless information on the internet now, on YouTube, on many websites and in a thousand books and videos about how to pleasure a woman, or how to give good head… until the whole subject loses it sex appeal, so to speak. Yet there is a need to speak scientifically about female pleasure, as least for the scientifically-minded person.

Amrita came across a website recently that really rocks my boat in a good way… real women showing real techniques while naming them, defining them, and categorizing them in an effort to delineate and/or teach a lover or yourself. Primarily their efforts are in the pursuit of better and bigger clitoral orgasms… at least so far. This is only Season One. I happen to think this guide is going to be perfect for my highly scientific partner. Yippee! Let’s get started, Sweetie!

Check out OMG YES!

Love to hear your thoughts! As an educator, I am passionate about ways to inform and show things that are hard to find words for… i.e. “slower” or “a little to the left” might be easier for women to say than “more edging, please” or “love some layering, honey.”

Previewing touchable video to practice the strokes for a woman’s labia and clitoris is state of the art for modern technology. Is this how robots will learn the fine Art of Honoring the Yoni and the Lingam, one of my favorite subjects in Tantric Sex? Yes, darlings, Robots in your lifetime will provide immediate relief!

I sent my $29 in almost immediately, even though I know how to pleasure my own pearl-of-a-girl quite well, but I long for the words to express all her nuances, twists, and turns. I want the word masturbating to forever lose its appeal, replaced permanently with self-pleasuring. I long to hear the new vocabulary for pleasure become a thought-form in the minds of every human being. Evolution is here to stay!

Oh My God… YES, Caroline

Advances in Pleasure

There have been a number of times in my career as an author and an educator that I’ve shaken my natural curls in wonder, asking “what will they think of next?”.

I am a great believer in enhancement. Why shouldn’t we enhance ourselves? Women have been doing this for as long as we have lived. The endless hair appointments, manis and pedis, facials, and/or makeovers can fill a woman’s calendar… not all, but many! And all this in between work schedules, picking up the kids, grocery shopping, and some form of yoga, gym workouts, or simply a relaxing massage. We love beauty!

In a recent phone conversation with a doctor friend of mine, I was informed about the steady increase in vaginal rejuvenation. No, not the surgical kind, but the use of injectables such as Prolozone, PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma), and a procedure known as TheremiVa for women who have lost sensitivity in their G-spot, vagina, and clitoris.

I have recently been seeing my Naturapath for injections of Prolozone into a cranky arthritic knee, but I was taken completely surprise by the idea of these injections being offered in women’s health clinics across the country. My knee knows it would love to dance again, and the Prolozone (a homeopathic/oxygen technique) takes all of fifteen minutes at the office of a holistic M.D.

But in my Yoni? Now that was new beyond my imagination. However, hearing how these injections can and do give women a return to the orgasmic pleasure they had lost perked my interest and my need to know. And these fairly comfortable (I said “fairly”… everyone is different) procedures are offered from New York to Arizona to California and beyond. Check in with your local Naturapath or Med Spa!

Looking on the web I see warnings as well as inspiring articles about the use of oxygen or ozone therapy. While I am not recommending any of this, it’s my hope to inform you of what I hear and learn about.

Fortunately my vaginal and clitoral tissue are alive and well as I move through my 73rd year. But not every woman can say that. We are all so different. Our sexual partners may or may not have had the skills to keep our lady parts luscious. Surely women who have felt a deadening in their sexual responses would want to know all that may be possible for rejuvenation. But never forget your lovely hands and sensitive fingers for a daily dose of loving awakening! Daily practice squeezing your love muscles works magic.

If you would like to learn and practice your own natural rejuvenation, come join us for The Sacred Feminine Mystery School’s Sacred Sexual Healing and Awakening Retreat for women November 25-December 1, 2018, at Blue Spirit Costa Rica. We will deliver all the natural “cures,” and join in lively discussions about the alternatives. We will transmit Shakti energy to each other, which is an ancient rejuvenation “secret” women have known about for centuries.

Into the Next Phase with orgasmic tremblings… I remain your very own Tantra Goddess, Caroline

Heart Wide Open

Dear Friend of Love,
 
Since you are Divine Feminine Family, I know you are a friend of Love. At this time of year, as with any other time of year, let your “heart break wide open so that the whole world falls in.” These are a few of the lyrics of this gift of song from Danya River, the daughter of dear friends of mine, Robert and Judith Gass.
 
Songs that evoke an opening in the heart have been foundational to my own Awakening. Please allow a song such as this to also touch your heart as you remember the deepest meaning of Christmas, and the everlasting truth brought to all of us by the Christ’s message: to…
 
LOVE ONE ANOTHER!
 
As I send my love to you,
 
Caroline, Queen of Hearts

This is a sensitive concept… and an even more sensitive reality. The practice of Sexual Healing and Awakening is still not a licensed profession. It is primarily taught in Schools of Tantra Yoga, yet anyone can “do it,” or say they do it.

 

As many of you know, the Divine Feminine Institute taught and held week long Trainings with a primary focus on Sexual Healing and Awakening for the students, along with supporting subjects. We had much success with adults seeking to deepen their knowledge and experience of sexual intimacies that brought high regard and a deepening respect to one another.

Now, The Sacred Feminine Mystery School is taking groups of women to sacred sites to engage in the sacred work of Sexual Healing and Awakening along with delicious supporting embodiment practices such as dance, Shamanic Breathwork®, and ceremony.

 

This brings me to the subject of “sexual stealing” and the whole younger generation’s attitude of “hooking-up” – with little or no meaning other than to have sex without connection, intimacy, or regard for the human being – to satisfy sexual needs. Young people deserve an education at the college level if not before regarding the needs and questions from students across our country and the world.

 

There is a movement now on college campuses to educate students about conscious, loving sexuality and communication around consent in an effort to change the culture of sex for the better. For those of you with children you wish to educate beyond what they learn on the internet and porn sites, please consider donating to THE BODY OF SEX, Redefining Sex on Campus. This short, compelling video will give you more info about the campaign that is being Launched on Indiegogo with a goal of raising funds by December 16.

IMAGINE if you had been given this opportunity when you were just starting your sexual life.

I wish you a fantastic Holiday Season.

With all my love,

Caroline

PS I’m closing my Awakening Store in order to simplify my business, and I’m offering FREE DOMESTIC SHIPPING through the end of December. After that, the store goes away! Be sure to get your goodies before the end of the year.

melania-trump-sexy-picture-donald-trump-wifeWhat moves the wife of an elected President, when overnight she becomes the “First Lady” of the nation? Where and when does the wisdom and the deep nurturing of the feminine show itself in our nation’s presidential partnership? This is a question that remains unanswered. Beneath her new designer closet and the “role” she must play, where does she bathe in deeper waters? From where does she sip her deeper nourishment? I’m not sure we will get to know these answers, but I can’t help but wonder…..

Cries of Conflict

I am aware of the tremendous cries of conflict coming from so many about the outcome of this election… an election that has owned our attention in the comfort of our homes now for some time. People are challenged by their beliefs and hopes for a better future, believing in one woman or one man to provide the magic carpet that we will ride toward the end of our troubles.

The numbers of lonely or unhappy people or simply people who are a-lone and too broke to be happy is on the rise. The worry, opinions, and despair that sweeps the land  is captured in the media, yet I continue to experience my surroundings as gentle and sane. I am very blessed. Not all are as blessed as I. Perhaps that is how it is meant to be. Without contrast we would all be the same.

More Contrast

I just returned from a few days in San Francisco, inspired by a conference I chose to attend sponsored by Katusa Research where I am being mentored in the investment opportunities within the natural resource sector. That translates as making money on the riches of mother Earth, which some would frown upon… understandably so!

I won’t defend that here, but will share the obvious contrast of seeing so many homeless living in doorways and in city parks while the “haves” stroll by in expensive suits on their way to five-star restaurants. Yet the City by the Bay appeared more glorious than ever! There is balance in that contrast and it feels like everyone has chosen their lot in life.

I Saw it Coming!

I knew for several weeks that Trump was going to surprise us all. I relaxed in front of the news, knowing it would all be okay. I just don’t trust the former Secretary of State even if she is a woman. The old guard needed to fall, and if pussy-grabbing financiers are to lead our country, there is one thing I do know: With just a little education and refinement, the world of women could be blessed by powerful men in rituals of AH (Awakening & Healing) practice!!!

And so I return to my meandering… what about those first ladies and how do they R E A L L Y feel, or do they even notice their feminine essence needs a recharge? We all do… as Sacred and Divine Femmes passionately believe. Would they stand up and howl along with us?

Who me? Policial?

I rarely dip a toe into the arena of political opinion. I remain focused on how love can grow and how healing can turn the tide of unhappiness and pain into a flowing river of hope. I am not known for speaking out about my opinions, preferences, or views concerning political issues or politicians or political parties. I don’t broadcast what I think about things I don’t fully understand. Leave me out of the arguments that ignore human kindness as the prevailing solution to many issues.

I don’t recognize my country when I allow outside views to be the camera that reflects reality. I accept that my country’s soul is in conflict. I don’t recognize dishonesty in order to claim power. I don’t recognize how power makes people say or do anything in order to have more of… what? More money? More Power?

Choose Love

We each make the choice to remain and grow in partnership and loving kindness… or not. I will continue to offer my time and wisdom in Private Immersions for women and couples, in Costa Rica with the Brand New Sacred Feminine Mystery School, and places yet to be determined. Regardless of what is going on in the land of my birth, I will continue to become someone with influence.

The First Lady Queen Caroleena in me is parting the waters of conflict toward a wake of consciousness rising. Will you join me?

Blessings Be Upon You,

Xoxo Caroline

Couple With Hot Drink Relaxing By Fire

Long hours of snuggling under down comforters with my honey… pots of hot Chai steaming on the stove… the promise of many long conversations by the fire stretching out on sheepskin rugs in sexy flannels…

Gazing at the patio wet with a late fall rain, yellow and red leaves litter the grey stones from the majestic trees that are preparing for winter in our backyard. I feel into the natural state of hibernation, the inactive state, that moving into winter invites.

Bears do it… other animals and plants do it, yet the human animal tends to just keep going. I find resistance in myself to the idea of entering into a more dormant state of any kind. I admit to being someone who avoids inactivity, preferring motion as a means of constant exercise.

I like to keep moving. Moving is my way of meditating. Recently I heard my left knee calling for my attention… throbbing pain calmed by ice packs and thoughts of dreaded doctor appointments, MRIs, and worst of all, surgery! Instead, I pursue the healing arts with gusto, making more time to do my Pain Free Egoscue E-cises, upping the ante on my Green Drinks (thanks to Amrita who recently cared for me in her new home in North Carolina, and fed me THE most delicious green drinks every morning).

The relief for this knee arrived at the Naturopath’s office and an injection of ozone, or Prolozone. Brilliant!!! Immediately my energy returned and my recovered knee now supports all of my chosen activities. Whew! That was too close for comfort. Yes, I know, I’ll see the Orthopedic doc too for an MRI. I am simply too young to be knocked down by failing mechanical parts.

I admit to carrying a long-held belief system that I am my own best doctor and healer. Call it Naturopathy or Self Healing, but I make peace with hibernation so that I can listen more deeply as silence surrounds me. I don’t do Thanksgiving or Christmas family visits or dinners… I spend them hibernating! I often prefer fasting or juicing on holidays when I would normally collapse from stuffing and desserts. This being my last declared year living in “winter,” I am determined to make the most of it. Oh, by the way, does anyone want my skis, boots, helmet, and cutest Spider “on the slopes” jacket and pants, size 10? Going…. Going… Gone!

But before winter’s arrival, I made a trip to Western North Caroline (teehee, I renamed the state) to co-facilitate a magical weekend with Amrita. We raised the bar on Aphrodite with 13 amazing women! Offering the Nurturing Practice of AH, key to the Divine Feminine Institute trainings for many years, convinced us that groups for women must be reinstated. In conjunction with my move to Panama in August, 2017, we are scheduling a first-class Women’s Retreat in Costa Rica for November 2017, as the brand new Sacred Feminine Mystery School!

SFMS Logo clear

Say YES to next November with us in Costa Rica, tropical magical memories to take home to your winter’s abode… and fill yourself to overflowing with Sacred Feminine Mysteries. The sacred feminine is rising and we are rising to meet her!

 

What are your hibernating aspirations for this winter? What calls to you from deep inside your berry-filled cave?

In the spirit of the Seasons, Caroline (Caroleena)

My View from the Top

Panama momentI have always loved the view from the top. As a child in Kansas, it meant the top of the big old apple tree in our backyard. In New York City during my 20’s, it meant the view from the top of the Empire State Building. In my 30’s, it was the view from the top of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado… in my 40’s and 50’s in Maui, the view of Forever as I gazed out to the never-ending Pacific Ocean of horizon and sky.

….and on and on until this became essential to my view of the world and of my life.

At the moment my view is from the top of Trump Ocean Tower in Panama City, Panama. Please don’t confuse this as my choice for our next President… the guy does build nice buildings, i.e. the one on Fifth Avenue in NYC and this 70-story hotel in the Republic of Panama overlooking Panama Bay and the Panama Canal. The 66th floor outdoor café is thrilling (especially when the lovely tropical rain falls)!

What does this have to do with the Divine Feminine and the Awakening of the Goddess… well, many things! I love to watch women… and I love to watch men watching women. It is a privilege and a study much like viewing fine art in the museums of the world. It teaches me so much about the masculine/feminine dance of awe-inspiring desire, sex appeal, and the longing to merge. I see the insatiable curiosity to touch, to reach for the scent of another, to capture a gaze… and yet there is the steady protection to withhold, to look down, to walk the other way.

Here, were I am one in a million with eyes as blue as the sky, I love to capture those gazes. They see me as a creature from another planet… a “gringo” from another land. I feel the energy to connect. I return that. And the spark is complete… I feel aroused by this ‘salsa’ energy. It’s alive as the Shakti of the Yoniverse, converging with the Universe at all times.

Panama_CityMy skin is soft as a ripe Mango. I feel reborn. It’s more than a vacation. This is a vacation with a purpose… to apply and acquire a Residency Visa from the Panamanian Government… to feel firsthand the air, the people, the sky, and the water… absorbing the elements of jungle and concrete as they meet in harmony with advancing economic sky-scraping technological reality. “Poof”… said the magic dragon. What is next?

I will be home in Nevada for another 11 months. I will move the Immersions for women and couples to a tropical hideaway once I find the perfect place for you to deepen into your own Mango skin! Stay tuned my dear ones… the magic dragon might find you next!

In the awesome spirit of adventure, Señora Caroleena

Caroline & JohnnyI am happy that you are Free… free of the life-long struggle to know Peace of mind and Peace in your soul.

Johnny, you are without a doubt the most precious man I have ever known. You have a very tender heart, as well as the incorrigible ability to always show up for me. I know you managed a lot of complex issues, but you never dumped them on me. You always were the consistent and lovable person I knew from early childhood. You were the template for “Brother” that I will always insist on if any other brother ever comes my way!

We could laugh… we could play… we could really see life and family with a sense of humor. I think that saved our souls.

Emotion rips through me as I attempt to write this message to you. Your last words to me, “Don’t Cry,” describe the Niagara Falls of tears that simply prove how much I have and have not listened to your wisdom over the nearly 70 years of our sibling relationship. Big Sister and Little Brother… we have traded roles so many times into Big Brother and Little Sister.

I always depended on your wisdom even when you doubted it yourself. You have never been a burden, but always a deep well of kindness and love where I could land and feel safe. I still feel that you are very near.

I hear you now stronger and louder than ever. I comb through the photos of our family life, our visits to one another, our crack-up funny birthday cards, Christmas Cards, and my annual Easter call to you reminding you to wear your cute little plaid vest, pictured somewhere in the archives when you were about five and we hunted for Easter Eggs at Indian Hills Country Club… then lovingly fighting over who got the most chocolate marshmallow ones.

We survived our mother’s illness, living with our grandfather during her hospitalization… meeting in the kitchen to fill our lost tummies with cans of Campbells Tomato Soup and Hormel Chili, followed by three-stack packages of Oreo cookies and milk. We were for one another the love we were seeking! Our childhood bonded us into beloveds with a money-back guarantee that we were always meant to be 100% there for one another. And we always were.

That has been our gift to one another… to be the love that our little souls would seek. To be the one most trusted friend in all the world. We are one another’s deepest connection to Source through each other. We always will be. And we could share such deep intimacies, especially when as adults we broke the ice and began talking about sex. That was a big taboo for two little Kansas kids, but it allowed us to acknowledge and gain respect for one another as whole adults, not just little kids pretending to be grown up.

I could always tease you!!! The green hand that appeared in the shadows of childhood story-telling followed us until death parted us. I remember telling you in the hospital to ‘look for the green hand… it would guide you home’. Some folks say look for the Light, but we had our own language and imagery, didn’t we my beloved brother?

I am so grateful to Celedra and her family for they held you in family love these past years, where your soul could rest and begin to let go to the wonders of love and support. I wished I could have done that for you, but I know you got exactly what you needed and so deserved, dearest One.

I am forever and always your Sister in this life and hopefully in all of our lives to come…. Or any combination of togetherness that we might choose… I will always be your

Carolyn…

Kernie …

Sister…

… and all of the nick names you had to live with!!!

The Goddess of Genoa

Goddess EarthLife is here to be lived. Thanks to so many of you who sent your sincere condolences to my family and me in honor of the passing of my brother, Johnny. I see and feel him constantly, always laughing and encouraging me to make the absolute most of every moment. And so it is…

The best medicine is getting back to work, and I have a very full summer of private Immersions with women and couples. The Immersions are 3 days and 3 nights in which people stay in the beautiful private Studio next to my home here in the quaint little town of Genoa. Genoa is nestled into the east slope of the Sierra, a 30-minute drive to Heavenly Ski Resort in South Lake Tahoe.

Women fly into Reno and generally rent a car from Budget as they make their way to my home in an easy 50-minute drive. Last week a delightful client rang my bell announcing her arrival, and I showed her to the Studio where she squealed in delight at the unexpected beauty and elegance. She then proceeded to tell me that the agent at Budget had given her an upgrade from an economy car to a luxurious 4-door midsize.

“Why?” She asked the agent. “Well, I see you are going to Genoa. Are you going to see the Goddess of Genoa? All the ladies return from their visit to Genoa starry-eyed and shaking their heads in disbelief when I asked them how their stay in Genoa was for them. They reply, ‘I have been to see the Goddess of Genoa!’”

Now it was my turn to squeal in amazement! “What? I am known at Budget Rent-a-Car at Reno airport as the Goddess of Genoa?” Will this be written on my epitaph in memory of a life well lived, I wonder?

And so, as I gaze into my lovely backyard, majestic trees waving in the summer air, I feel very human. I have the Aphrodite Arising workshop with Amrita to look forward to in October, during which time I will drink in the colors of the Fall and sit in circle with amazing women for a weekend in the Smoky Mountains.

I’m also super-excited to soon be releasing the digital version of my new online course, Living A Turned-On Life.

On another note, the home I built in Maui is for sale by the current owners! Take a look at the video tour!

You will be hearing lots more from me throughout the Fall…

In devotion, Caroline