Intimacy is perhaps the most important thing many people are missing in their lives.
This is why I have continued on from last month’s blog to share more ways to discover the treasures you can experience in deep intimacy.
The practices I talk about here are the most direct pathways used by my workshop participants and my private clients to rekindle their ability to make intimate connections.
The intimate connections you have felt at different points in your life, be it with your mother as an infant, with your father at your wedding, or even with yourself, sitting alone on a mountaintop, are what can begin to add meaning back into your life once again.
Did you know that intimacy and loving connections are the last things we think about before we pass on from this earth?
Intimate connections are so important that they are one of the last things people think and talk about during their final breaths of life. It’s not money, prestige, or success, it’s our connections to people. Those you have loved and been intimate with matter most when you are preparing to depart this earth.
The first key: Being intimate with another is to be intimate with yourself.
One of the best ways we can start learning to create intimate connections with our friends, families, and romantic partners is, to begin with, the one we see in the mirror – ourselves.
It makes perfect sense to learn to create more intimacy in our lives, by starting with ourselves. We know ourselves better than we know other people and we can practice by ourself anytime we want.
The best way I have found to create an intimate connection with myself is when I look in the mirror.
Once in a while during your day, you can practice self-intimacy by having a conversation with yourself in the mirror. Stop for a moment, in front of the mirror, and take the time to check in with yourself.
You can say to yourself, “Hi you, it’s good to see you today!”
Take a deep breath. Stop and take these few moments to connect with yourself, see and feel yourself. Allow yourself to be comfortable and relaxed with the process.
With practice, we become comfortable looking into ourselves and into another.
Have fun with self-intimacy. Keep the conversation in the mirror going. “We’re feeling quite confident, aren’t we? And, I must say, we ARE looking pretty fabulous today!”
The second key: A great opportunity for intimacy – let kissing become an art form!
The art of kissing is an overlooked shortcut to diving deep into intimacy. Kissing as an art form has always been great for couples or couples-to-be who want to break out of their mundane, day-to-day lives where they know what to expect from each other.
Many of these couples have had huge breakthroughs by agreeing to join each other in a Kissing Marathon! This kissing experience is most beneficial when both participants in the kissing exploration agree to NOT have sex right away, even though they will probably get aroused.
Some couples I work with have forgotten that kissing is not just for the mouth!
We can slow down our rush towards penetration and orgasms once in a while, and kiss each other everywhere! During your kissing experience, you will find that there are many areas of the body that love to be kissed!
By exploring kissing, we can learn to postpone our climaxes. We can divert that tidal wave of desire into kissing and orally pleasuring our partners on many parts of their bodies. We can let our desire ebb and flow.
Then, when our arousal rises to a crescendo, we can both ride the wave of delight to incredible orgasms which send vibrations down to our core!
The Master Key: Developing intimacy ~ the practice of deepening communication
So often we end up completely bypassing communication and getting to know each other in our rush to have sex. Sex becomes our default agenda.
Once in a while, try something new and ask each other deep, meaningful questions about things you really care about. We can reveal our deeper selves to each other and courageously venture out of our usual habit of having sex as fast as possible.
We have an incredible opportunity in our togetherness. We can expand out of our comfort zone into intimacy by fearlessly revealing our hopes, dreams, and perhaps even a few of our fears. The reward of deeper, richer, more satisfying relationships – and sex – is just around the corner once we get a little more creative and try new things.
The conversation has to start with someone, why not you?
You can tell a story that reveals something about your deeper self, a part of you that you rarely show to anyone. Perhaps you can share how you have always wanted to be with someone you could truly experience intimacy with. Or, how you long for a deeper connection, or whatever is meaningful for you.
When the time is right in your conversation you can then ask, “Would you like to tell me something that is deep and meaningful for you, so that I can also get to know you better?”
And then, just listen. Be quiet. Stay focused and present.
Let them share some of their inner dialogue, and their deeper secrets while you simply listen and stay focused and present. You’re not drifting off, thinking about anything else.You are only listening to them, without any inner dialogue.
Your presence is the key. It is about the deepest and most intimate thing you can give someone.
Right now, you or your partner may not know how to be present without giggling, talking, or breaking the connection space. The more we can learn to be present with each other, the more we can expand our ability to have compassion for one another.
You may be easily distracted from your ability to be present. That’s completely normal. Being present with another person, just listening with no judgments or evaluations takes a lot of focused energy. It can be tiring.
The art of communication and the art of being present takes a lot of practice. We have to get better at asking and then listening to the deeper, raw truth of one another.
This is where deeper intimacy and connection arise, when we feel heard, seen, and accepted. We have revealed our true self to another who was present the entire time.
How can you raise the vibration of your intimate loving and expand your love?
I want to invite you to deepen your intimacy as you move into different levels of sexual expression. There are a couple of practices that I have found that can help us do this:
Be willing to communicate and be playful about sex.
We must communicate honestly, along the journey of our lovemaking, about what we are experiencing. You may feel like sharing things about love making that never occurred to you before.
For example, during your kissing marathon, you can stop after five or ten minutes and have a conversation about kissing. You might tell your partner that you really loved just touching and playing with the lips before the tongues got involved in the kissing.
Or, you might want to tell your partner that you want to kiss his Lingam as he kisses your Yoni. And that you want to stop after doing that for a while and talk to each other. It can be whatever your flow looks like for sex that day.
Be willing to move between opening and closing your eyes. Move between observing and feeling.
Closing your eyes and just receiving pleasure and then opening your eyes, and observing the one pleasuring you, is yet another deeper level of intimacy. There are no secrets. You are both trusting, open, and intimate; connecting on many levels..
Meaningful communication is missing during sex. Adding this missing part transforms sex into lovemaking. I want you to experience the joy that arises when you raise the vibration during your intimate love.
I strongly encourage you to make time for these practices. Your love – and your pleasure – are that important!
Thank you for listening to my passionate feelings about pleasure!
And, for considering a few of the practices that have helped thousands of our students learn how to go deep into intimacy, Into Me See.
Conversation with Caroline adaption and writing by Wordsmith – Peter D. Black