This blog is an invitation to experience one of the finest moments in life …
… the moment when you feel very, very close with your partner. All barriers are gone; there are no restrictions or conditions – only 100% trust and love between you and your partner. You are simply being and being together. This level of connection and acceptance from another human is deeply healing.
To reach this level of closeness and intimacy,
we will need one of our most precious elements –
Our protective layers take time to soften and slide off, our hearts need time to recognize the space is safe so they can relax and open, like the delicate flowers they are.
In the middle of our busy lives, having time to play, explore and enjoy one another can seem like one of life’s most lavish luxuries. The secret to having time for this is simple – put it on your calendar/schedule. For most of our schedules and calendars, that will mean writing down a time, at least a couple of hours, sometimes on the weekend. Saturday afternoons are usually a safe bet, or whatever day that works best where you can just be alone, with each other, and have no distractions.
It is a priority event that is sacred above everything else.
If you have children and pets, they must be planned for so you are not disturbed or distracted.
Once the sacred time arrives, it’s good to prepare the space. Turn off all the devices, so there is no interruption. Close the curtains if necessary, and take some time together to relax. Enjoy some stretching and yoga to calm the mind and come into your body in a sacred way. Perhaps a few minutes of meditation will help you both to get in the mood.
There is no need to have an agenda in these special moments. There’s no need to even have sex if you find that you enjoy being close and intimate in another way. It can be a time for intimate communication, sharing your hearts with one another, or sitting facing each other breathing together.
As you explore and move with each other, you might find that you both want to bring in sexual elements. One comfortable way to include sexual possibilities in your afternoon date is to sit in the yab-yum position. This is a position where the woman sits on top of the man’s crossed legs, chest to chest, with her legs wrapped around him, and both your spines are erect.
Once you are both comfortable in the yab-yum position, then you can spend some time simply breathing together. Or, you both might feel like having some Lip Play, and exploring kissing. The secret here is to stay connected with one another. This is a time of intimacy and closeness with no other objective. Because there is no pressing agenda or goal, you have time to spend 10 minutes kissing and spontaneously exploring wherever kissing may lead you.
After some time spent breathing and kissing, you may find yourselves rocking in this position, your heart centers dancing together. If the sexual energy continues to build for you both, you may both decide you want to go from sitting up to laying down. You can both decide who will very slowly lay the other person back onto the bed. One of you might express how eager you are to have his wand of light inside of you or how eager he is to have his wand inside of you.
This is the time to pay close attention to the energy and not rush ahead and miss out on the best part …
…which is – deep closeness and intimacy.
There will be plenty of time for sexual quickies during the week, weekday evenings, etc. This is different, a time of luxurious play and exploration.
The man can feel free to ask to slow down if his orgasm is near. This is an excellent time to stop and love each other with your words and your eyes. Another playful thing to calm down the energy for a while is to try some Painting. This is when the man holds onto his well-lubed lingam and paints the tip like a soft paintbrush all around his partner’s genitals. He can rub the soft lingam tip around her clitoris, her labia, and her entire sensitive area.
The woman is also welcome to grab his wand and join the fun. She can take it in her hand and paint it around the areas on her own body where it feels good to be touched. You will both find that these kinds of fun things will help to prolong the finale and extend the pleasure of your afternoon.
And, the lingam will not mind. Lingams love anything as long as they are paid attention to!
One of the best ways to slow down and prolong the pleasure is by playing in ways like this. There is no need to rush headfirst into the finale. Instead, you can slow down any moment, change gears and sip some wine or some sparkling apple juice and kiss it into each other’s mouths.
Chocolate also is a great thing to play with, kissing some into each other’s mouth.
First some champagne, then some chocolate …
The woman could bring out a shawl, drape it loosely across her shoulders, and at the moment she chooses, let it slowly fall off her body onto the floor. There could be a time for just massaging each other’s feet. Or lightly stroking each other’s soft, delicate skin in places other than the genitals.
For those who find this practice fun and liberating, you may want to pick up a copy of Charles and Caroline Muir’s book, The Art of Conscious Loving, on Amazon. It is a treasure trove of great ideas and helpful tips.
One of the topics in the book most men are fascinated with is the topic of mastery over one’s ejaculation. Why would someone want to master their ejaculation? You can find out about that in Chapter 7 of our book. In that part, we talk about that important point, and how as a man gets older, there may come a time when he will have MORE sexual connections with FEWER ejaculations. And, you can find out why men find this such a valuable pursuit.
Another great tip from the book is about 10 Minute Visits. These were created for nourishing closeness and intimacy and thereby helping to enrich and support our relationships. The 10 Minute Visits are different from the traditional sexual Quickie because the visits are not for quick ejaculations. Instead, they are for the intimacy and connection we all need for our relationships. Either partner can feel free to ask for a 10 Minute Visit when they feel the need to refresh the connection.
As you both agree and plan on how you want to pursue this unique path, keep in mind one of the primary purposes is to create a time for you both to celebrate each other and dive deep into nourishing intimacy and closeness. It’s a time for laughter, for trying new things. A time for softness, slowing down, pure togetherness.
This is an excellent way to introduce yourselves to the blissful tranquility of tantra.
Conversation with Caroline adaption and writing by Wordsmith – Peter D. Black