Sexual energy is life energy … It is the pulse of life.
Like life, our sexuality has different seasons and different ages. And, like the seasons, our sexuality has treasures to be explored and discovered no matter which season, be it spring, summer, autumn, or winter.
For example, springtime is your sexuality in the early years. It is young and vibrant, bursting forth with new life. You are so excited to be on that first date – those first sensual kisses! The first passionate lovemaking!
Those are the days of our first time spending the night together with our lover. The stage when we have sex every chance we get! We may even fall head-over-heels in love and plan our wedding!
These are the days of our youth.
The springtime of our sexuality is the romantic, early years of marriage or a young committed relationship. As we get older and look back, we describe these years as wanting to do it all the time! We remember when he got it up every time, and she was always wet! We were kissing, touching, and inhaling each other. We lay in bed gazing at the wonder of one another.
It was glorious!
In our youth, we never imagine that we’ll grow old together one day. But time has other ideas, and we notice slow changes as the stages of our sexuality evolve. In the youthful stage of our 20s, 30s, and even 40s, we start relationships and are sexual all the time!
As the years flow by, we may choose to go deeper with a partner and enter into what feels like a committed relationship. That is often when we go deeper into our sexuality. And, as that happens, our relationship and sexuality grow and mature.
We will go through different Ages or stages in our sexuality over the years and decades.
This conversation about the different Ages of our sexuality is most pertinent to those who are either entering into a committed relationship or those of you who are already IN a long-term, committed relationship.
After the fabulous springtime stage comes the summer or the Mid-Term stage. There is still lots of lovemaking, but life is more about careers, communication issues, the stress of raising a family, and sometimes, caring for aging parents.
We start feeling older as our responsibilities increase and our hormones shift. This is especially so for women entering menopause. We have gone from doing it all the time to wondering if we will ever want to have sex again.
We find the days of thinking about making babies, which were strong in our youthful days, are more and more behind us in the Mid-Term stage. And then one day, without warning, we may find ourselves in the Now What? Stage.
Some people in the Now What? Stage will reminisce about the springtime stage and recall when sex was happening all the time. He remembers when she had orgasms every time lovemaking happened.
She remembers it differently; that sometimes she was pretending to have orgasms.
His memory may be somewhat hazy as many women who don’t have orgasms during penetration sex say that it does feel good. Therefore it is easy for them to make the sounds of pleasure even if they are not having an orgasm. And it’s easy for the man to misunderstand what she is experiencing.
Many couples in long-term relationships report the same situation of a waning sexual life, and they want to know one thing:
How do we get things going again?
The winter stage is coming. Like many of us, these couples want to know how to Wake Up their sexuality. After a decade or three of being together with one person, many of us could use some help.
The question of how to wake up our sexuality in the later decades is more common nowadays because we are living healthier, longer lives than ever before. We have learned the importance of exercising, stretching, eating better, healthy socializing, and lessening our stress through meditation and massage.
The good news for our sexuality is that we also have more information on having better, longer orgasms. We also have studies telling us how vital these longer orgasms are!
We know How and Why to keep our sexuality alive from all this new info.
Whether we are solo or with a partner, Self-Pleasuring is crucial. If you are single or your partner is not too active sexually, you can keep your sexuality alive.
It’s essential to keep our libido or desire for sex at a level we recognize. When we have a healthy libido, one goes into the world carrying vitality, joy, and happiness.
There are many ways to keep your libido healthy and vibrant. For women, a straightforward technique is to do Kegel exercises, or as I like to say, exercise your Love Muscle. Squeezing and relaxing our pelvic floor muscles through these exercises can improve orgasms.
The good thing about Love Muscle exercises is that you can do them anywhere! Driving in your car, standing in line at the grocery store, sitting on the bus, the subway, the airplane.
You can actively keep your sexuality alive and vibrant even when you’re in your 70s or 80s.
Even though I am 78, I remind myself all day that I’m sexually alive! Even though my knees ache, I can get on my knees in bed to make love with my sweetheart.
When I’m playing with my man, I remember I don’t need to hurry up. I’m just there to love my man, which is the most important thing. I want to make sure he feels loved by me.
It’s not always about sex; it is about giving your partner reasons to feel loved.
It’s good to remind ourselves that we are lovers and that Sex and Love are ultimately the same things. Perhaps we take different roads, but the destination is the same – loving and feeling loved.
However you share your love – with your hands, lips, and/or body – your partner, will get it.
They will feel loved, and you will feel more loving!!
Whether we have had several life partners or are still with the same partner for 4 decades, there is No End to Sex, but the end we decide to put on it. In the same way, there is no end to feeling loved and being loved, but the end we choose to put on it.
Our sexuality is like watering a plant. The plant will live as long as we water and care for it. And, when we are being authentic with one another about our true desires, our sexuality will thrive in the same way.
The biggest challenge to our being authentic as women is when the man wakes up with an erection (since his testosterone is peaking early in the morning) and he wants to have sex, and she just does not feel like it. She may like to get up and start her day and all the enjoyable things planned.
These are the times to have healthy, honest, loving, Freedom-Giving conversations.
These conversations will reveal to him that she wants to have sex when she also wants to. He can learn to go with HER flow, which gives her freedom. It frees her up to be her authentic self. Once she feels the freedom to be authentic, who knows? She may want sex more than before?
We want to encourage women to be the initiators. You can add some lubrication to both of you, and he’ll slide right in. Or, you can play with him on the outside with some lube. Have some lubricant on both sides of the bed, so if you’re the one initiating, you can be playful, sometimes inserting, sometimes not.
Men may say later in life that their erections are not as firm as they once were. We won’t go into that now, but there are many things to do that can build the Yang energy, so the erections are firm again or firmer.
Attitudes about sex must evolve since all of us will have less libido at some point.
The best thing is to remember that it will not be the way it used to be.
It’s going to be the way it is now!
For us human beings, sex and love are part of every breath, every moment, from conception to our final breath. Our bodies are capable of enjoying sex and feeling loved until the very last breath we take. So keep watering the plant and making each other feel loved!
Conversation with Caroline adaption and writing by Wordsmith – Peter D. Black