The Gifts of a Sacred Marriage

Marriage is one of the most important celebrations in our life. It ranks right up there with our birth, entering this world, and with our passing, departing this world. In so many ways, marriage contains our whole circle of life. Through marriage, we often create a new life and have babies, and we hope to be together for each other in marriage, up to our last breaths.

From our wedding day on, there are many priceless gifts that a sacred marriage can bestow upon us. It matters not whether our marriage is to another, their body and soul, or a holy bond to our own soul and self.

For some of us, perhaps at the beginning of our marriage, we are happy that marriage provides the gift of security. It also gives us happy parents and gives our children a legal home with a mother and a father.

Early on in your relationship or marriage, you will see one of the greatest gifts from your sacred matrimony is the container of friendship in which marriage arises and dwells.

A true, deep, honest friendship can be counted as perhaps the rarest and most precious gift.

In this vessel of friendship that we live our married lives in, we have the gift of growing and learning as evolving human beings. Marriage can present us with many so many opportunities to learn from each other. We grow deeper into our understanding, our compassion, and our gradual freedom from life’s emotional roller coaster.

The most common opportunities to grow and learn from our marriage come from the times when our partner does or says something, usually fairly trivial, and we become irritated, perhaps angry.

These are the moments when we are presented with a life-altering opportunity to really transform ourselves and leave our old emotional trigger points behind. Our triggers can be seen for what they are. They are no longer necessary. They no longer serve or aid us in any way and they can be left in a rusty old dumpster somewhere.

We must do some work on ourselves and with our partners if we want our freedom from emotional triggers to grow out of these moments of anger. Deep-seated emotions which cause us to flare up at issues that are basically insignificant are emotions that have a stronghold on us. To truly find peace, we need concerted action, strength, and wisdom to break the hold of our triggers and leave them behind.

I have found a few activities over the years to help us learn and grow in these situations of upset.
One of these activities is simply deep breathing.

It has served me greatly when my partner does something minuscule which makes me angry. I will often combine some of my internal muscular exercises with deep breathing and that will help to readjust my energy. I have also learned it is quite simple to readjust my energy just by closing my mouth and being quiet!

Sometimes those exercises are not enough. Perhaps the irritation went deeper or it is an old, very touchy subject that has not been worked out yet. When deep breathing is not getting the job done, then another good way to move into authentic forgiveness is to try laying down together on the bed in a spooning position. 

The way this works best is if the one who is the angriest and has the strongest charge about this issue lies in the front. The partner who is seeking peace then lies behind that angry person. The calming person cuddles, hugs, and snuggles into a close, intimate hug with the upset one. This is one of many ways to practice authentic forgiveness.

Learning true forgiveness is by far, one of the biggest gifts of a sacred marriage.
Learning to transform your anger and resentments into love
will literally change almost every interaction in your life.

It can make a 40 or 50-year marriage or relationship a far deeper journey into intimacy and closeness than you can imagine in the beginning. But, this transformation only happens through the active practice of forgiveness. It does not happen through reading a book about it or wishing for it. We must practice it!

As our friendship deepens and the container for our marriage becomes stronger.
We begin to discover other treasures or gifts.

One of the dearest treasures of a sacred marriage is just Being Understood. It can feel like a great honor and gift to be in a long-term relationship or marriage with one who has the patience, interest, and devotion necessary to understand you as a woman. The same goes for feeling the deep, heart-opening gift that comes from being understood as a man. We all yearn to just be seen and understood.

The gift of being understood is usually accompanied by the gift of belovedness (the state or condition of being beloved). When both partners feel like they are beloved, then a whole array of uplifting qualities arises, such as integrity, full disclosure, respect, trust, transparency, vulnerability, and a deep immersion into the actions and feelings of belovedness.

One of the less obvious, yet one of the most important gifts of a sacred marriage, is the gift of support from a close family. Strong family support almost always implies a strong family commitment to the bride and groom. They can help to hold them and support them in their darkest hours when things seem difficult, almost impossible. You really need a loved one, whom you trust, to be there for you, to listen and hold you as you shed your old self and grow into your more realized self during these difficult moments.

To be present at a wedding where the bride and groom are surrounded by the thick bonds of their respective families is awe-inspiring. To see the cousins marching down the aisle and moving into their seats, the brothers, and the sisters – all surrounding the couple getting married – is a moving moment. The precious gift of a strong, committed family, holding the space and acting as a visible show of support can feel very empowering to the couple repeating their vows to each other.

If something should hit a rough spot in the road, the couple is not on their own.

There are family, and friends, to turn to who will listen, empathize and be there for you. As your families bless you, I also bless you in your marriage, soul to soul, with another, or to your own soul and self.

The gifts of marriage are immense; yet they do require work, patience, and time to achieve. A happy, delightful marriage is, in itself, one of life’s greatest gifts. There is no substitute for the joy of a sacred marriage.

It is worth the dedication and effort required.

 

Conversation with Caroline adaption and writing by Wordsmith – Peter D. Black

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