A Shakti Success Story

Franca Baroni, Shakti Success StoryMeet Franca Baroni, Attorney at Law. She showed up at my door last year for her three-day Immersion, but she did not look like this. Her aura was gray… her demeanor somewhat guarded and uncertain. She told me of her childhood growing up in an area close to the northern border of Italy, being educated in Europe and the U.S., and currently living in Seattle. She was working as an immigration lawyer for the past several years supporting undocumented victims of crimes, domestic violence, and persecution. She spent many hours a week in the detention center bringing hope to those who’ve lost it. It was depressing to say the least and although her work was meaningful to her, she felt drained of her life force… her shakti energy.

We talked, we laughed, we giggled like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in too many years. She shared a common restraint that many women feel when receiving sacred spot massage from a female… from a woman and person who isn’t a sexual partner. It’s difficult to allow arousal even when feeling it. There is a stigma worldwide that says, “If it feels good with a woman then I must be gay” or something like that.

I carried a lot of fear in my early days of doing this work about being touched by a woman in sacred spot massage. It’s so foreign for a heterosexual woman always geared towards men for sexual pleasure. What if we like it? Honestly, the touch of a woman is so healing that of course we are going to like it!

In our initial talks, I gathered that Franca no longer felt in alignment with her “job.” She was drying up in her work life even though her extraordinary young son was the light of her life and she was pursuing various creative projects. That has all changed since our work together… when Franca realized that she was not fully living according to her essential divinely feminine essence… her powerful Shakti woke up and spoke to her at a whole new level, like never before!

A true bond of sisterhood and friendship was born during our sessions together. Franca recently sent me the above photo along with the schedule of appearances of her One-Woman Show featured in Seattle and Denver venues. I am compelled to share this journey with you of a woman who took her life in her hands and changed it dramatically!

This is Franca today. Wowza! You might say. She is a One Woman Show… and she is taking herself on the road. I am so proud of how Franca honestly and fully listened to her Shakti when she went home to Seattle… within two months she quit her regular job… leaning on her trust in herself and the Divine Feminine and letting the magic unfold. She still continues to work as an immigration lawyer, now freelancing, but her priority is to make space for the creative and sensual Goddess moving through her.

If we were to explore the details, I’m sure we would have much compassion for the amount of work it takes for a woman to do what Franca is doing… yet we would also share in the extreme joy she feels every time she goes on stage.

Here is a video about what One Woman is doing to share her gifts with the world: One-Woman Show “Act in the Public Heart: A Lawyer’s Journey” You can learn more how to get tickets for her live shows here. Franca has two shows coming up: Oct. 19 and Nov. 3 in Seattle, WA at the Jewelbox Theater.

For those of you considering the path of becoming a much-needed Teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® as a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I know YOU will be the one writing articles one day about the people you have watched come into bloom with their shakti because of your belief in this sacred work. The Goddess and Divine Mother are calling you… are you listening?

Big love, Caroline

Many have asked (though others don’t care)… why, Caroline, are you leaving America the Beautiful? More than leaving anywhere, for me it boils down to going somewhere new. Why not… Panama The Beautiful or Uruguay The Beautiful… or Portugal The Beautiful?  Why, indeed, would I choose to leave my homeland for a new way of life in a new and different “homeland”? Curiosity? Fear? Adventure? Tax hedge? Or… none of the above?

I do love adventure… always have.  But until this time in my eighth decade I have not been lured away from American soil for a new set of both problems and possibilities. In a practical way, I think about “the rest of my life,” and the vulnerable unknowns about things like health, financial realities, and a nagging voice that screams to me in words such as “do it before it’s too late!”.

Do what? Experience Ayahuasca. Live where I never need a jacket. Learn a new language. Meet interesting people who have lived their whole lives outside of the United States. Things like that. And the funny thing is… I adore jackets. I have an overstuffed closet full of cute, adorable, practical, and warm jackets! I don’t even care for Chilean Chardonnay… much prefer California Chardonnay or white French Bordeaux… so what is this lure now to live in a city of a million and a half… where my view is not green grass, or the Pacific Ocean, Lake Tahoe, or a yard full of grazing deer? My view is a sea of creamy off-white and very tall buildings that dot the coastline of Panama Bay where the Panama Canal still advertises itself as one of the Wonders of the Modern World.

My “stuff” has arrived from its journey by ship and now fits within the confines of a 1,650 square foot apartment on the 61st floor of a lovely 68 story residence. No one here knows who the heck I am or what I represent in the world. No one here knows my phone number or what car I drive, as I have given up owning a car for the first time since I was sixteen years old. I love being anonymous…  except for the doorman of this building who hugs me like nobody’s business as he endearingly opens the heavy glass entrance to the chic lobby of Trump Residency Apartments! Go figure… a girl from the Kansas suburbs goes LATIN.

More things have changed during this 74th year than meets the eye. I am in love with a woman! While remaining domestically true to my partner of 17 years who is sharing this experience with me, I am living now with a new Truth… about who I am and about my capacity to love more than One while negotiating time to spend with her and away from him. This requires a partnership of gigantic proportions, and I have one of those!!!

The details are too endless and personal for this article, but suffice it to say, I am fulfilled as I navigate tender territory. I have never chosen the traditional or easy path. I am a pioneer! My great grandparents crossed America in a covered wagon only to homestead land in Iowa as the great and new country called the United States birthed its beginnings way back when.

How are these revelations impacting you? What judgments, if any, arise? What inquiries of me might inspire you to write a response? I know you are busy… busy as can bee! But at least let your mind wash over these writings and land in places where you might be living your fear of change rather than embracing it. Change is the Way of the Goddess. SHE lives for change… SHE does not live in fear of change. These meanderings, formally called a “Blog,” are designed to share my innermost self as well as knock on your inner doors.

Come Play With Me in Costa Rica! Por favor, take seriously my invitation to join me and my divine team in Costa Rica at the end of November 2018 for Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Jump on your fear of “not enough” and claim your courage BEYOND the fear of not enough. Such Big Magic happens when 18-24 women do a swan dive off the high board and swim in heavenly and divine waters of feminine fabulousness! The $400 off early-bird discount expires August 31st.

I want your DESIRE to emerge… to surround me and make me look timid. Jump… Leap… into the unknown. Together we will fly.

Via Con Diosa (Go with Goddess), Carolina

My Breast Friends

How many times have you criticized your own breasts? How many times have you hated them or wished they were different? Or are they your breast friends?

One in eight women will develop invasive breast cancer during her lifetime. It is the fifth most common cause of death from cancer in women. The rates of survival are improving because it is diagnosed at earlier stages and treated; however, an estimated 266,120 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in the U.S. in 2018.

My focus on this subject comes from several recent experiences I have had with women and the vulnerability of their breasts during my Awakening and Healing sessions. When I massage a woman’s body during my sessions, I always ask if I may touch her breasts with a healing intent.

As a woman touching another woman’s breasts I am very careful not to touch them with any intent for arousal, since my healing work is not about arousing her pleasure. Yet, I am now looking at my own fear and resistance behind that.

I recently had a client who asked if she could hold my breasts during a massage session. I had to re-examine my own boundaries for a long few seconds until I easily realized there was nothing to fear. I said, “Yes, of course,” and pulled off my top and the soft bra that held my large and lovely breasts (my breast friends). I was standing beside the massage table as I held her breasts while she held mine. Our eyes connected. I encouraged deep breathing and sounds to help move whatever surprise or anxiety we might be feeling. She shared with me that she has nursed four now-grown children, lamenting that she hoped to have surgery in the near future to lift her fallen breasts after the years of nursing.

We both felt emotional and loving during this exchange. I laid my breasts on top of hers placing my heart center on her heart center as we breathed with one another. To my surprise, I began to kiss her breasts, not her nipples, mind you, but as you might kiss a person’s cheek…and she returned kisses to my own. This was a delicate and tender moment that felt more tender and lovely than I can find words to express.

Tears fell from her eyes, as she said, “Caroline, this is the most healing moment I have ever experienced… now I can let the surgeon make them as lovely as they were before I nursed my four children.” And we both sensed when it was time to stop and integrate what we each felt. I was as altered by the experience as was she, and we both know that it was a moment we shall never forget.

Several months later, I had the honor and privilege of enjoying the breasts of another woman with whom I share a great deal of Shakti and desire… a very different energy as this woman is a friend and not a client. We are both very involved in conscious sexuality and sexual healing professionally, so it’s natural that these concepts would be present in the sharing of sexual desire and pleasure with one another. The pleasure I feel when she caresses my breasts, when she kisses my nipples and truly “loves” my breasts, feels like the most healing medicine of loving care I have ever known … from a woman.  There is simply NO WAY that diseases such as breast cancer could enter breasts that are this loved and revered.

When I inhale the scent of her… when I hold and enjoy her breasts, I am clearly in an altered state. She nursed her child for several years over twenty years ago, and I feel as though the child in me is being nourished by the ambrosia she carries. The experience with her goes so far beyond any sensual experience I have ever had with a man.

My recent explorations have greatly altered my view of who I am in my sexual identity and certainly as a woman. I know without a doubt that women can heal many issues around being female only in the intimate safety of another woman or women. I also believe that sharing pleasure with a woman that goes far beyond shopping together has value on so many levels. I weave the snippets of my past accumulation of intimate experience with women into a cloak of many colors. Now I wear it daily, as a reminder to revere the many-faceted gem of who I am… A Woman… a divinely feminine WOMAN~!

My personal life explorations into feminine sensuality are quite different from my work, where we guide women into holding sacred space for each other’s sexual healing and awakening, exploring such archetypes as “midwife” and “priestess.” When the barriers of fear and judgment break down and women melt into being held in this powerful space together, their healing impacts the entire planet and reaches backward and forward through the generations.

I’m happily settled in Panama now, establishing a new home and private practice. In the meantime, please consider joining us for our final Blue Spirit retreat in late November… Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Several women are bringing their husbands to enjoy the beautiful infinity pool, ocean, and grounds while they are in the workshop.

Your radically awakened Caroline

Whether it’s tantric sex, male-female sex, same-gender sex, porn sex, slow sex, sacred sex, or wild and crazy sex, when you boil it down to the bare facts, sex is still sex. A slow smile often creeps up on the face of someone reminded to think about sex. The word alone conjures very different images for different people. But it usually includes images of naked bodies doing things with one another that either includes or features their respective genitalia. But what about sex and monogamy?

The mention of oral sex also carries a lot of lively interest for many. I believe most men love receiving oral sex and enjoy it as a primary offering during sex. I have also known men who do not desire oral sex over intercourse. This may be a relief for some women as the size of a lingam is not always a perfect fit with the size of a woman’s mouth. (My dentist told me once that my mouth is small.)

Women also love receiving oral sex, but the act often makes women uneasy, with expectations that they should orgasm faster than is natural for them in order to please the giver for their efforts to pleasure her. And it can be difficult to explain exactly what works. We also can be overly concerned with how we taste or our scent, impacting our ability to simply be able to relax into receptivity.

Oral pleasure may become an issue for couples, especially as they age. Women often have a lot of issues around accepting their bodies as they grow older, and men find the positions for oral pleasuring uncomfortable (or so they tell me). I am interested in the opinions of young people about oral sex, as I was once told that they don’t consider oral sex as falling into the category of “sex,” but merely a safe sideline before the final act of “hooking up.” This sounds pretty lame in my opinion, but I doubt the vocabulary when I was a teenager was much better. We were told to have NO Sex Until Marriage, which was supposed to solve everything.

Let me tell you… it did not solve anything! If only I could have experienced oral pleasure as “okay” before marriage, I would have had a much more successful wedding night! Virginity was still a sacred gift for the husband of choice back in 1961.

I am currently inside of the discussion about whether it is acceptable for a woman to invite oral pleasure from someone who is not her partner in a committed relationship. If it’s not sex, then what is it? Does this fall into the category of adultery? Or a break in the vow of monogamy? Do our genitals automatically belong to our primary significant other? Who writes the rules other than ourselves?

I imagine that “confidence” is also in the mix for a man choosing not to pleasure a woman with his mouth. Of course, the woman must gently guide her lover into the intricacies of the oral arts, which is not always easy to do. Every woman is different at different times of the day, night, or month… yet the universal song I hear from women about men is “slow down”!

I do believe that a man has the inalienable right to refuse service! Just as women have the inalienable right to refuse (do they still call them “blow jobs”?) I think so! Yet the Tantric language for the oral arts is so elegant and respect-filled. “Honoring” the yoni or the lingam, which in no way requires a happy ending, though many desire just that.

And so my question looms for women who are in committed or monogamous relationships. Is it wrong to expect or request the “freedom” to receive the gift of oral pleasure from another, especially from another woman where intercourse will not follow? Do we need permission? Are our bodies sacrosanct unto ourselves, or does every inch of tissue belong to the beloved?

Please feel free to offer your opinions, unsigned if desired, and we will gather the data. It brings me to the following questions:

A) What is monogamy to you?
B) Are you creating your own version of monogamy in your relationship?

Thank you for participating in my inquiry,

In curious erotic intelligence, Caroline

Desire… passion… lust… ardor… love. These are compelling emotions. When they rise in me, like a wave upon the sea, I must hang onto something if I am to maintain any form of balance. This wave sweeps me into a cauldron of turbulence long before I land into anything formally familiar, such as peaceful serenity.

Quite honestly, desire is like a compulsive urge that takes over my otherwise clear focus. Gone is reason, sensibility, or the certainty that I know what my life actually looks like, for in the cauldron of desire I am rendered somewhat helpless.

And, I must admit, I love this visitation from Cupid’s arrows into the clear waters of contentment. I also fear this visitation, as I feel the rush of activated aliveness turning into intoxicated bliss. Suddenly every thought-form is now complex with the presence of an intensity to love – in this case – another.

Admitting to “I am in love” is akin to admitting I have gone crazy with desire. Now each breath contains the scent of the focus of this passion. His or Her skin is the only skin I ever want to feel again. His or Her scent is 100 Proof over-the-top sexual desire bubbling up from my genitals as it consumes everything in its wake within my formally familiar form. My legs shiver and my knees quake as my heart recognizes that I am in the grasp of this thing called Love.  All songs throughout my life that contain a recognition of this sword of Truth begin playing in my mind. I simply cannot return to a time before this visitation occurred. I am speechless, helpless, and hopelessly adrift.

I hope and pray it is simply temporary insanity!

Love and compassion for myself is my Rx for living a Life that is truly rewarding.  Happiness is a choice, often fostered by great friendships that spark a special aspect of my aliveness. Dare I say “yes”?  Dare you say yes?

With Amrita taking on the Sacred Feminine Mystery School Trainings, I actually have more time for Love. As this is my true path, I am eternally grateful… grateful for the opportunity to feel the depth of the love that I am.

My only solution for how big Love is, especially when Love goes beyond the One, is to hold the reality of loving others as the great Puja of Life. In the moment…  that looks like Love the One You’re With. In the next station of the Puja… Love the One You’re With… and on and on into the circle of Life.

Care to join me?

One hundred percent here with my Desire and my Love, Caroline

Erotic Intelligence

I am in love with the word erotic and the phrase erotic intelligence. The word “erotic” conjures up a definition of my own personal brand of sex or sexual fantasy. It must contain the erotic — which might be described as soft reminders of sexual possibilities — so that my imagination has a chance to get into the game. It is said that good sex begins in the brain, and I admit that this is definitely true for me.

Let’s consider the Erotic, that stream of energy that weaves into and through nearly everything we do and everything we are. Wanting to find more support for my ideas on that great web of information at my gaily painted fingertips, I find…

… that my computer won’t take me to anything under the simple word erotic! Merriam Webster does offer a category called related words, however, words such as:

Racy, Lustful, Obscene, Sensuous, Bawdy, Titillating, Lascivious, Dirty, Lewd, Indecent, Pornographic, Smutty, Vulgar

Luckily, I found something more poetic and insightful on the meaning of erotic!

The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves. Audre’ Lorde’s “The Erotic as Power.”

I like to define the erotic as “the prana (or essence) of Shakti.” Erotic intelligence brings a certain intentionality to it, wouldn’t you say?

I remember a time when a lover commanded playfully yet seriously… “Surprise me! Seduce me!” As I headed for some sexy lingerie to wear, many images called to me but none of them felt like “me.” I knew that what to me was seductive would not be nearly “sexy” enough for him. I froze right then and there, stiff and immobilized in my sexy lingerie because I could not authentically “act seductive.”

I didn’t feel it for him but even more importantly, I didn’t feel it inside of me. It wasn’t something I could just turn on… or was it? Confused again by this vast and powerful aspect of my human feminine that I call “sexual” and now “seductive,” I countered with “Since you know what it is you want, why don’t you seduce me?”

What followed was pretty ordinary, so I have set out to understand what is erotic to me. I am the only one I can begin to figure out, though I would hope to be able to figure out my lover, at least sometimes. In-depth talks can reveal many mysteries and secrets within the lover’s soul.

As a woman, I can highly recommend a Sounds True recording by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. called How to Love a Woman. Within the vibration of her voice and words, I learned more about own erotic intelligence than I have ever learned in bed with a man… or woman, for that matter.

The erotic life requires an investment of time committed to living fully. The world of Eros is the world of true relationship. I was taught that I must be fully alive (something I strive for anyway) and that I must be fully present. These are the stepping stones of my Tantric life and teachings. Mindful awareness in each moment is required in order to walk the thin line of courage to love and express that love fully.

What does erotic mean to you?

When you’ve spent decades of your adult life refining and teaching a leading-edge transformational body of work like I have, you want to have someone you trust to take it forward… a Lineage Carrier or Legacy Holder.

I’ve spent so much time living my life with very little actual “view from the top” of what I was creating, living, learning, or knowing. And so often the Visionary is not the perfect person to manifest their own Vision. Who will carry forward my Legacy?

I was very blessed in the year 2005 to have Amrita Grace come to the Divine Feminine Institute as an eager and dedicated student and offer to work for us. “We really don’t have a salary to pay anyone, yet, Amrita, but you are welcome to come to Maui, live in my home for a few months, and together we will brainstorm how to weave you into the work of the Institute.”

She came to our very first Divine Feminine Certification training. She moved to Maui to be part of the Institute. She took every training we offered and consistently stood at the head of the class. In fact, she and I were the only two people who were part of all 16 of Divine Feminine Institute’s trainings. We were the continuity from beginning to end. By the time the Institute closed in 2012, she was at the helm as director, guiding it to gracefully complete its natural cycle.

She became our first Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, and she never stopped coming forward to extend her offerings to help my work unfold (though she took most of a year off to recover from breast cancer). Amrita has worked for me for pennies, nickels, and a few dollars over many years until I could actually pay her a salary to be my virtual assistant in 2013.

Amrita has literally taught ME what my work actually is! She’s shown me that the AH practice is a unique and precious body of work that MUST not be lost. And she is the force who is now bringing this education to the forefront of your awareness, just as the world seems to be finally, truly ready for it.

Now, this is no small feat. And this is why I know in my deepest knowing that Amrita will carry my Baby forward and “raise” it into a successful and functioning Adult. Because much like raising a child, it was hit and miss so many times.

I offer you this Mission Statement so that you will understand what a lineage holder is and what she is capable of doing for you.

MISSION STATEMENT     

I trust Amrita Grace as the one who understands my work even better than I do.

I charge Amrita Grace with taking Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® (the Practice of AH) forward and putting it into as many hands as possible.

I release my understanding of my work into the greater whole of feminine understanding.

I honor my teachers who fanned the flames of my creativity so that my work could unfold from the embers of my Solar Fire.

To trust another at the level of Lineage Holder or Legacy Carrier is to fully let go of my personal ego as the creator of the Practice of AH. From the birth father of the work of sexual healing to the birth mother of the work of sexual Awakening and Healing, I now wish for the sacred feminine in all beings to add their piece of intelligence into the growth of the Practice of AH. Learn it, expand on it, teach it, and let it grow.

I want you to know why I have chosen Amrita to carry my Legacy, which is why I was inspired to write this blog. When you go to The Sacred Feminine Mystery School website and read the words she has written in her blog and on the Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator page, as well as the pages of her book, Reclaiming Aphrodite-The Journey to Sexual Wholeness, you will have only just begun to know this woman’s brilliance. Her true brilliance is in the powerful space she holds for transformation; her own and others’.

My Personal Spiritual Quest in this life feels complete as I have understood the assignment to give back in gratitude for all I have been given. I share with you my relief in knowing that my Divine Child is in such good hands.

Amrita and I are collaborating on the next octave of the Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator® Teacher Training which will begin in July 2018. It’s an accelerated (6 month) and much less costly version of the 2-year training program Amrita took to become certified. Because we know we are serving a new generation of women who already have many tools and skills and are ready to add the leading-edge of personal growth – Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing-AH® – to their offerings. Are you one of them?

As My Hibernation Begins

Holiday Greetings to you my Friend,

My December is inviting me, in a very strong voice, to take very good care of myself between now and Spring, when I will fly off to the island of Maui to say aloha to some of you arriving for the Sacred Feminine Mystery School Retreat, and to say farewell to the wonderful life I lived for twenty years on the Pearl of the Pacific, the island of Maui.

Answering the Call of the Wild screaming out from my soul, I called to set up an appointment for therapy with a woman highly recommended by my bodywork therapist here in the Carson Valley in northern Nevada. What a great surprise was in store for me. A long and lanky cow-girl of a woman with long silver hair and a radiant face welcomed me into her “tack room” office. (For those of you who don’t know what a tack-room is, it’s where they store the saddles and miscellaneous ‘tack’ used for riding and grooming horses. The lingering scent of horse hair and leather filled the air immediately, before I even noticed the saddles sitting upon their stands. Talk about aromatherapy! I was immediately catapulted back to my childhood, to my grampa’s farm, and to living on a ranch in Colorado with my cowboy “partner,” Rick: Chapter Two “On My Way”, Tantra Goddess)

From the moment we sat down, my tears began to flow. I was ready for open-heart surgery, my term for an emotional unzipping of that which keeps my heart and soul on edge. By “on edge,” I mean a phantom thought form or emotion that causes an edge of anxiety in my otherwise contented and peaceful energy field known as “Caroline.”

I began unexpectedly wailing my regrets for the relationships/marriages I had left and ended throughout many years of my life.  She quickly realized how deeply I was carrying their pain of my departure from the Vows of Marriage… Till Death do us Part… and on and on… I made vows I didn’t know I could never keep. I was younger then, so you can imagine how long I have been carrying the broken or bruised hearts of the men and women I have loved deeply, and whom I truly believed I would remain in Union with for the rest of my life.

In some way, these regrets go way back to my mother, Mary, whom I lost faith in at age eleven, when she left motherhood to become a patient in hospitals for the mentally ill. Reclaiming Mother divine through my work with the Divine Feminine and now the Sacred Feminine, I also hold dear the image of The Blessed Mother, or Holy Mother, also going by the name of “Mary.” Now, it is in the eyes of women I meet that I find sanctuary. Within their own hearts… they offer me solace from any unloved moments I may encounter.

My therapist, Suzy, then suggested I write a letter to each of my four primary relationships/marriages.  The following is how I know I will begin each one of those letters:

Dear One,

I am so sorry for any hurt that I may have caused you during the years of our Union. I never meant to hurt you, but only meant to launch myself forward toward my own Life.

If you have it in your heart to forgive me, I would be eternally grateful. First, however, I must forgive myself. I must return to a place of unconditional Love and Compassion for the woman I know myself to be.

I thank you for your valuable role in helping to form the woman I now am. I couldn’t have come this far without you.

And so, as we move toward the Winter Solstice, I invite you to join me in releasing those regrets that no longer serve you. They weigh you down and stand in the way of your birthright… that of unconditional Love and Compassion for yourself.

Ever Evolving, Caroline

To “consort” as a verb or “consort” as a noun, means “to keep company with or to accompany another.” We have all read of the queen’s consort or the king’s consort. During my active Tantra life, I often experienced the consort as being a lover or constant companion of someone… in some cases, me! A consort does not have to consort in the erotic realms though sometimes they choose to do so. However, this changes everything! It adds a degree of absolute thrill that is fully charged to lead the lovers onward.

I have often had a consort of a Tantric nature as those of you who have read Tantra Goddess know a lot about. The lovers I described in my memoir were often referred to by my husband and beloved as “consorts of the Queen.” Charles gave me the title of “my Queen” way back in our earliest weeks of going beyond teacher/student, once we began consorting as Lovers. “The Queen” and “My Queen” stuck for so long that in the media I became known as the “Queen of Tantra.” It’s a lot to live up to, I assure you. A crown is heavy… it flattens down my hair… so who needs them anyway?

My her-story of consorting in the erotic realms has left a warm glow that, paradoxically, often renders me terrified of it happening again in my life. I always have my antennae tuned to the erotic in others, but rarely does someone hook me into their orbit. Partly, this is due to my private work and the level of integrity I demand of myself in order to work intimately with both women and men. As a sacred sexuality practitioner is trained in the transpersonal to hold an impeccable space for sexual healing, I learned from past mistakes how valuable a commitment this really is.

There were times in my very active Tantric years when I offered sexual healing and awakening to another only to find myself unable to hold to clear boundaries as I found myself in sexual communion with them. For me, sexual communion led to a version of “falling in love,” which confused the matter entirely. This led to a sexual and/or erotic affair, and once that happens, consciousness a sexual healer must hold is lost within the chaos of emotion.

Are you with me so far? What I am trying to say is that sexual energy, desire, and surrender are all fabulous and at the same time… very tricky. This is where becoming extremely familiar with one’s own arousal is invited during a session while the giver holds their arousal energy in check… no matter what. Being in a turned-on state is to feel your aliveness and move within that blessing with grace and integrity. As a healing practitioner, acting on the turned-on energy of the receiver can turn the “healing” into more wounding.

I was guilty of this in my learning years. I forgive myself, but not without a strong agreement to learn from my mistakes; especially when I saw how my lack of boundaries impacted a trusting soul. Passion is a powerful and often confusing delight. How we handle this mountain of power is what distinguishes us between beings of integrity and beings of lust. One is not bad or good, but each serves a different purpose.

In my work as a seasoned practitioner of the high art of sexual awakening and healing, I take my commitment to hold sacred, impeccable space very seriously. Long gone are the days where my boundaries waver, and I’m honored to hold a powerful, safe, and ethical space for anyone who is ready to heal their sexuality and claim their sexual awakening.

Are you ready to claim your sexual healing and awakening? Join us on Maui April 21-28 for The Sacred Feminine Mystery School’s Awakening & Healing Retreat for Women … a $500 off early-bird discount is available through December 31st.

Tantric Breakup

We unwove as consciously as we had woven ourselves together…and that was very, very consciously and slowly, during four days of deep purification and energy work–and energy play–at a Tantra retreat that left no shadows undiscovered. On the last evening. Finally. We kissed. And I realized.

At first glance, he had been too beautiful for me, and therefore, I surmised, gay—so well groomed, such good posture, pen perfectly placed beside his journal. Beautiful men are surely vain. Or gay. That was the easiest way to dismiss this man who stood out in the circle of 40. But he wouldn’t easily be dismissed. For example, one day at lunch I had a passing, silent, fantasy: wouldn’t it be great if this retreat had waiters, who’d take my plate and bring me dessert—and just then the beautiful and surely vain man beside me offered to take my plate and bring me dessert. I was stunned. I let him. Way to make my dreams come true!

The first day of the retreat, during a very boundaried exercise, women had been instructed to ask their partner (whether brought from home or met mere hours ago at the workshop) what level of touch he was comfortable with: on his perineum or inches away.  So I had asked him, my partner of the moment, my beautiful, surely vain, possibly gay, future psychic waiter. Let’s call him Rudy.

“What level of touch would you like?” I asked.

Rudy replied, with zero attachment, “Whatever you’re comfortable with,” and I was struck by his verbal chivalry. It mattered not to him how he was touched; he cared about his partner’s comfort level. There was something about him.

Me being me, by the end of that very clearly instructed, efficiently orchestrated Tantra exercise, I had my hand in his pants. That was not part of the instruction. But I can be spontaneous. I like to break rules. Hand in pants was what I was comfortable with! Here was this gorgeous young specimen spooned in front of me, either gay or not gay, definitely not vain, but cute and fresh with his Aveda scent, and there went my hand. He was irresistible. I was opportunistic. We were enjoying getting acquainted. But I had some well-set boundaries and had lunch with someone else that day.

At the end of the second to last night of the workshop, late, when clothes were a distant memory to all of us, when all the body paint had been used on each other, I noticed that someone in his group had scrawled on his bare abdomen, like graffiti, “Sublime lingam,” with an arrow pointing downward. Couldn’t help but notice. I’d noticed his sublime lingam too, more than once in that 5-day course when we’d been unclothed. It was just plain sweet. I noticed a fleeting bit of envy that someone else had labeled his lingam. To be honest, I am much more taken by women than men. But this man was cracking my foundation…in a good way, gently, thoroughly. The next night, the final night of the workshop, fully clothed, when all of the guided moments of the puja were over, in a moment of play, I surprised him with a full frontal kiss on the mouth. Immediately, I too was surprised: I really, really liked it.

Who knew?

He did. He’d had his third eye on me since long before the retreat, when he had created a vision to meet a woman just like me…and had an intuition to attend this level two Tantra retreat, “knowing” he would meet her there. At a meal, he had overheard me telling a friend that I would love to have a male Tantra partner who was willing to dive deep with me, and not have it be about going to a movie and dinner first. I wanted the sex to come first.  I wanted it to be just about sex. I was not into dating or having a boyfriend.  I wanted to learn to move my sexual energy, unite my Shakti with Shiva, whatever that even would mean in real life.  I could go to movies with my friends. I could go to movies alone. I wanted Divine sexual Union.  In case he’d been wondering whether I was the woman he’d created in his intention or not, this clinched it. Little did I know–I hadn’t even known he’d been listening.

Over the next few days of the retreat we spent plenty of time giggling and partnering and rubbing each other’s feet and on the last night decided that the retreat would not be the end of Us. I arrived home to a poem he had written and emailed me. About Us. We plunged into what became a five and a half year long-distance revelry. Right away, we decided not to call it a ‘relationship,’ which implied effort, compromise, goals, seriousness.

“Let’s call it a journey,” I offered, and we embarked.

Before our first sexual experience, I said, “I want to love you as much as I love you and not have it be about anything. Not about diamond rings or moving or the future. I want it to be about love itself.”

“Perfect,” he said, in his laconic way, with the smile that fed my heart. And I committed to love him as much as I loved him, whatever that meant in any given moment, and if I didn’t feel the love, it would be all about me and zero about him. That was our mutual commitment.

Rudy was so easy to love, and as a bonus, he could make chai from scratch and came equipped with countless compelling stories about traveling in India. I was enchanted. He was funny, excellent in the kitchen, and he gave me plenty of space to be me. Over the years, I loved him no matter what, trained myself to recognize and transform any judgment about him that would seek to keep me out of Love. I learned there was nothing he needed to change about who he was; I just needed to release my own habit of judgment.

Let’s never wish we were anywhere other than Here Now, we decided at the end of our first weekend together. Let’s not want what we don’t have. Let’s channel the love and desire into our own life rather than wishing we were together when we’re apart. And…the biggest: we will handle our own issues, seeing each other as mirror. Period. I commit. Only if we absolutely couldn’t resolve an issue on our own would we bring it to each other’s attention. It was pure bliss. Whether he flew to Chicago or I flew to Miami, it was about sex, reverence, play, indulgence. Not about issues.

“Just so you know, I can’t be monogamous,” I had said that first weekend. “It’s not who I am.”

“Ok,” he said. “Whatever works for you.”

“Actually, I want to be monogamous,” I said, the second weekend, a few weeks later. “With you.”“Ok,” he said. “Me too.”

Immediately, people—friends, clients–began to ask me where our relationship was going, what our plans were. “It’s a journey. No destination,” I’d say, and that didn’t always register. So I would over-explain. “It’s a journey. It’s not about where we aren’t, what we don’t have. I have a partner who looks at me with reverence. He doesn’t want anything from me, except to be a mirror. I don’t want it to be anything other than what it is.”

“But really, when are you going to get married?” they’d ask. People had simply no paradigm for a girl-boy alliance that wasn’t “going” somewhere, leading to something permanent.

We had made an agreement around sex, right away. There was no flirting or messing around, no wondering who would make a move. We made as clear an agreement as we could make. It went like this: “Let’s have sex.” And at any given time, after sex, or after breakfast, or during dinner—often—one of us would say, “Let’s talk about sex.” It was our favorite topic. There was no stone left unturned; neither of us was too shy to say how something felt, what we wanted more of, less of. We both cared about how we could generate more energy to play in, how we could circulate that energy, between, within, around us. It was heavenly.

More than one person—and these were the people who I could actually tell—wondered how on earth we could have sex for four hours a day.  “Well, we split it up.  It’s about two hours in the morning.  Two in the afternoon.” Rarely did we have sex at night, before bed, like everyone else. (That was our time for eating pie.)

But what on earth do you do for two hours, they would wonder aloud. And what makes it tantric? And do you ever just want to have a quickie? And does he ever get to ejaculate?

These are all good questions. We could have sex for four hours a day because we had magnets implanted at the beginning of time, magnets that drew us to each other. I have no better explanation. We were drawn.  e knew there was a higher purpose to it, and the purpose was to move this supercharged energy, to not have sex be about sex, but about personal transformation, then about making the world a better place. Whatever we wanted to clear up, clean up—that’s where we would direct the energy, intuitively and intentionally. He could tell which way the energy was flowing—or not flowing, which was a special gift of his. As we cooked, we blessed our food with the sacred energy we had created; it was a way of reabsorbing it. Sexual energy wasn’t lost in the way that it is during Western sex, because, even if we did eventually have orgasms, it was after transmuting the energy.

I think it worked—we worked–because in addition to loving sex, we both loved to meditate; our sex was a compelling combination of both. Before ever meeting me, he had practiced maintaining an erection, which required a level of discipline; but if he didn’t maintain it, I didn’t fear that it was about me. (And if he did accidentally prematurely ejaculate (which for us meant, well, 45 minutes in) then, of course, it was about me; because he just couldn’t control himself.) I had no reason to ever think I was anything but utterly compelling to him. Because we had no issues—not because we had no issues, but because of our initial commitment to have no issues.

Did we ever want to have a quickie? No. What made it tantric? Being conscious of the energy flow, conscious of knowing each other as Divine. Being conscious of every breath, every moment, while in ecstasy. Sending the energy where we wanted it to go. Did he get to ejaculate? Yes! He knew when it was physically necessary, and his timing was masterful. (And if I may digress, did you know that the ejaculate of a meditator is known to be supercharged with consciousness? Indeed. I have a friend who once requested semen from a monk so she could use it for a facial. It’s a long—and funny—story. Truly one of my coolest, most self-realized friends. So, men who save their semen, tantricly—men who run the sexual energy through their body without ejaculating—as opposed to monks, who we assume don’t run any sexual energy at all—have some very precious nectar.  Sort of a fountain of youth.)  Meanwhile, in addition to experiencing the delights of Rudy’s Shiva energy, we would also explore the secrets of female ejaculate.  The female body is quite the storehouse for emotions. I’d laugh, then cry hysterically. Or cry, then laugh hysterically. Then we’d have to rest.  There was just no TIME for a quickie.

What intrigued me, ultimately, even more than sex with him, was, actually, pujas, blessings, ritual.  Sex goes hand in hand with puja, for me, and at this level of sexual-spiritual, I can barely tell them apart.  Reverence was the main course.  I was just as happy to be fully clothed, blessing him in any way my imagination permitted.  And he was willing to receive what the Goddess, as embodied by his earthly partner, had to offer.  Even though it was all about sex with us, at the same time it was not at all about sex.  At least in the traditional sense.

No one understood.  And that was fine.

We could do it forever.

Until we didn’t.  Until…five plus years in.  It seemed as though we had peaked.  Our journey a macrocosm, in a way, for the act of intercourse itself.

It was time to either set new intentions or separate.

When we broke up, I released so much energy, so much, I could barely identify it all.  It filled my car, where I sat, holding my phone.  It was fear and dread…and I didn’t make up any stories around it. I just felt it. There had been nothing to fear except the fear of breaking up, which had built up in me, and maybe us, over a couple of months.  When he’d answered his phone, I had said, “One of us needs to be the one to call the other one and break up, so, I volunteer.

“Ok,” he said.

Just like when we had come together, when we broke up there was a recurrent question from my posse out in the real world:  “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” I would reply.  “It was just time.  The energy was no longer supporting our Union.”

“But…what did he do, what happened with you two?  You seemed so in love!”  We were.  So in love.

The first cultural assumption is that a good and viable relationship must be permanent.  The second assumption is that surely something went wrong if it didn’t “last.”  Who made this up?  That true love lasts forever is such a prevalent assumption. What if true love and true union and the beauty of coming together have nothing to do with permanence?  What if they have to do with presence? Until you choose not to be present?

“What happened?” people asked, with deep sympathy. “I am so sorry!” It was difficult to explain why there was nothing to be sorry about, without sounding delusional, in denial, new agey…the expectation of pain was so high, among everyone.  I really did sound like I was in denial. I found myself almost wondering if something were indeed wrong with me…callousness, for example.  Because it didn’t hurt.  It felt great.

“And how is he taking this?” I’d be asked.

“He feels the same way,” I said, more than once. It was so simple.  But only to us, it seemed.  Even out of union, I loved our Union, our agreement to be simple, our agreement to be immune to potential dramas, our agreement to create our own unique itinerary on our journey.

We exited in the same high level of consciousness at which we entered: present, engaged, listening to our hearts, listening from our hearts.  It was lovely, and I could only celebrate.  But because our way of celebrating had always been, well, sex, we didn’t actually celebrate.

What an amazing 5-year path of discovery, of learning to be receptive, of opening to the masculine Divine, of letting my Divine Feminine be present with no need to hold back, ask for a guarantee, or claim ownership.

I had learned to experience higher consciousness as embodied by this man, specifically as delivered by his sublime lingam.  I had learned to let that energy travel through my spine, like a pole of light that exposes anything that isn’t Love.  I had learned to revel unfettered in my own Divine Feminine, in Shakti, the energy of creation, to ride with it for hours that felt like moments and moments that felt like hours.  I had learned to expose it all, without feeling exposed.  I had learned to love someone no matter what.  I had learned that monogamy is simply placing all my eggs in one basket, but that it’s important to be selective about the basket.

Quite a journey.  At its completion, we were both sated, filled, changed.

So yes.  The breakup was conscious. Tantric.  “What if we take all of our sexual energy, our lower chakra connections, and bring it up into our hearts,” he suggested.

“And what if we take all of our shared consciousness, the psychic moments where we know what each other is doing, and bring that down into our hearts.  So going forward, we feel like dear friends and not exes,” I said.

“Perfect,” he said.  We were so aligned.

We sat there on the phone together and did it, brought the energy into our hearts.  I felt nothing but love for him.  So much love that I was tempted to not break up.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you too.”

Our Divine journey was finished. I was grateful that we had seen it coming—we had seen it coming because of the clarity we embodied.  We had seen it coming, so our journey could exist forever in its pristine state: we had never had a fight, rarely a disagreement, there was no blame to assign, there was nothing either of us had “done.” We were just done.

We were happily, beautifully, complete. And yes, there was a part of me that wanted to get naked with him, right then, to celebrate—and I think that pretty much sums up why Tantra is the perfect spiritual path for me.

In retrospect, beyond our Divine journey, what I have to celebrate is this: you too can do it a whole new way. You can love and be loved, without having it have to be about anything but love. You can come together consciously and exit consciously—or not exit at all, and just stay conscious. You can call in the partner of your dreams, and they can be better than you’ve ever dreamed. You can live in Love. You can choose the most blissful spiritual growth path imaginable—sex!, and Let Love Rule. We do not need to live within an old paradigm that was designed by people who were not as enlightened as we now are. We can design a unique New Paradigm that feeds and sustains our bodies, minds, and spirits. Now is the time.