If you haven’t read Parts 1-3, you’ll want all the buildup and juicy details before diving in to Part 4. Start here with Part 1.

Bearing in mind that this anticipated time together in person with my Imaginary Lover (I.L.) is purely imaginary, read on…

We find a place to be alone, as I know I want to not just see and touch him, but also to feel my whole body in immediate closeness with his. He becomes human as my cells inhale him, and a part of me begins to settle down.

We find a way to be in the water together, water being a “happy place” for both of us. My arms are wide open, my heart is wide open, my eyes are wide open, my legs are wide open, and my lips and smile are wide open. I do not feel any need for protection on any level. That may change, but for now, this is a really great feeling. While this fantasy is lots of fun to ponder, the truth is that I have already received all I ever actually need from my I.L.

Am I helping him? Am I “working” with him sufficiently as was the initial request? I’ll have to ask… but my hunch is yes. When I work with someone, the tools of my trade are actually with me at all times. I use the power of my love and consciousness. These are the tools of my trade… Loving and being Loved. I keep it simple. Just about everything that needs to be revealed will come to the surface within the context of Loving and being Loved.

Admittedly, in sexual healing work I have a list of things for giving a session… setting a sacred space, warm oils and towels, pillows for comfort, lubricant, soft music, flickering candles … you get the picture.

But, is that all necessary or even ideal? Hands-on work I learned in my Tantra studies. The power of hands on the body and asking permission to touch either with clothes on or off tend to further open the body for the healing that is invited and needed.  I have been a massage therapist for forty years and I love what happens when both giving and receiving during a good massage.

Payment for this “work” together was agreed upon, but never really implemented by mutual, unspoken agreement. Of course,  he could always choose to pay according to our agreement, but quite honestly I would prefer a long, deep, full-disclosure Kick-Ass, F—K YES! Friendship” like the one we are having now.

I believe he knows now that he will hear from me every day just as I am now resting in the comfort of knowing I will hear from him. If too busy for words, then just sending a photo tells me everything. Photos of a sunset, waves coming into the sand, a flower opening on a vine … little but big things like that.

I admit to loving this locked in, locked down period of time. I am taking more naps, indulging in rest. I close the door to my private space, signaling my partner DO NOT DISTURB. My mind will often gauge whether I have pleasured myself recently, so whether I feel like it or not, I will often simply rest a warm hand or fingers over my Pearl and labia, allowing time to signal what will happen next.  I then imagine the penetrating eyes of my Imaginary Lover. Soon… arousal springs from an underground “spring” as it often does…

With warm fingers well covered in Yoni Butter™, the perfect symphony of circles and spirals begins. My I.L. continues to gaze as my pleasure spirals upward. It doesn’t matter how long I take, climax signals The End, and often the end is minutes long! How blessed I feel. How not alone I feel. How warm and covered in love I feel. Dripping in post orgasmic Bliss, and after a long recovery, I join my partner on the terrace for a glass of wine.

Texting my I.L. that a juicy story is about to come in over the network, I began to howl in laughter, releasing so much worldly tension, Virus energies, dead bodies being buried in the parks of New York City, fears of not enough, and when will the restaurants ever open again? My sweetheart asks me “What’s so funny?” and I just can’t stop laughing! Hysteria is a good cure for stress.  Pleasure is even better.

My I.L. and I have not had a reason to define our first meeting as yet… there is no air travel, we are all in quarantine, and we don’t yet know if we will live through this pandemic. But in the meantime, I’ve got the Ideal Relationship!

Big love, Caroline


Ideal Relationship | Caroline MuirWhether you have a love relationship with another or just with yourself, I imagine it falls somewhere between “ideal” and “reality.” But what if there’s another option? What I am proposing is a socially distant ideal relationship… like the one that I am now experiencing during this global life change in what feels like my new “world order.”

Right after we entered into 2020 in January, a man inquired via my website about working with me. The contact form was screened by my Virtual Assistant, and when she forwarded the form to me, she mentioned that she knew of this man and urged me to consider working with him. Since I don’t normally work privately with men unless they are part of a couple, she knew I would likely not follow up with him without her encouragement, and her hunch was strong.

After responding in an email about what a private session or series of them might look like, he informed me that he would like to work on zoom only and we set up our first call. It was warm and cordial, each in our respective homes over a half a world apart.

He spoke openly about his recently orchestrated ending of a twenty-year marriage and the emotional challenges he was facing. Asking him how he found and chose me from all of the therapists or Tantra practitioners he could work with locally, he said I had touched his heart with the depth he felt in me during an interview I had done months earlier. It touched me as well that this was what motivated him to contact me… my deep heart!

We ended the call within an hour with me honestly saying that I would love to work with him in whatever way he felt most comfortable, and I admitted that I needed a connection of this kind also. It surprised me that I was that vulnerable with him and I know it surprised and delighted him as well, seeing as how neither of us yet knew what kind of connection we would be having. He was very open about his feelings of failure both emotionally and financially. I also admitted that I was facing some emotional challenges in my primary relationship of twenty years, and that financial realities were more precarious for me as well.

Off now to a good start of openness and honesty, I kept looking at how I would further working with him without access to my usual healing modalities that have always required intimate touch and contact. Within a week I sent him a text message, not realizing it was the middle of his night but morning for me. He instantly responded by text that he was tossing and turning in bed when my message landed and how happy he was to hear from me. Delighted and surprised at how he welcomed me, I believe that was the moment my heart began to open more fully. Could this person actually become a good friend, I wondered?

Be sure to stay tuned for Part 2, which picks up several months and several thousand texts later! I always welcome your comments, too!

Big love, Caroline