Where there’s a will, there’s a way! my Mama always told me. My partnership with Will is my longest relationship after four marriages and four divorces. I am not proud of that, but there was a lot I didn’t know as a younger woman. LOL… and LOT (Lots of Tears)!

I struggle to describe him. I also feel the need to write about him, in the greater context of my life, to you. For he is the reason I am not single. He is also the reason I have the freedom to have a lover who is a woman. And I want this portrayal as a follow up to my last Blog on Love, Desire, and Eros. Will is a good man, a kind man who will do anything for me. Yet he never loses his core connection to himself. I really like that.

Will and I are nearly the same age (75), though eight months apart. For a “mature” man, he has complete access to his ”little boy” … a charming little fellow … very playful … loves to dance, sing, and look into his computer screen for the better part of the day and the better part of all that is fascinating, outside the box of tradition, for things pertaining to our future.  He loves films, music, adventure, history, art, architecture, books, Artificial Intelligence (AI), science, life extension, the Singularity … and me.

He sleeps like a baby straight through the night. He is vital, healthy, and takes no prescription drugs. I am very proud to say that about him. He is a biomedical researcher, having helped his company bring to the market items like DHEA, Vinpocetine, NAD+ precursor nicotinamide, 5-HTP, Mastic Gum, Galantamine, and other products you might find on your vitamin shelf. He loves “brilliance” in all areas such as creativity, wine, and Life!

Into my life, he has brought a greater appreciation for all of the above. He’s brought kindness in the face of my anger, and the reality that “I’m sorry” is never needed … a rare being, indeed. Okay, I admit to not always being easy to deal with …

Upon meeting him on Maui in my kitchen in March of 2001, his first statement to me was, “I have always wanted to learn more about Love”! Let me tell you, I was stunned to hear that as well as compelled by his piercing blue eyes. “Then let’s have dinner,” I said, smiling. I had not dated in thirty-nine years. I was still married to Charles though living apart, afraid to end the marriage to my Beloved yet knowing it was most likely inevitable. That’s another story, and my Memoir, Tantra Goddess, tells that story. Will and Charles have a genuine love and respect for one another, which warms my heart to no end. They each appreciate how the other brings a special presence to me and how both have occupied long stretches of my life story.

After selling my Maui home in 2007, I permanently moved to Marin County, California and into a Frank Lloyd Wright-designed home with Will. Five years later we migrated to Lake Tahoe and then the Carson Valley in Nevada. After the sale of his business [a whole other story], he asked me, “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?”

A million-dollar question indeed … so I pondered and pondered while imagining the globe and where my choice might land and answered, “Someplace tropical … with an ocean I can swim in”.  A few hours later he calmly responded, “Panama”.  “Panama what and why?” I asked.

Where is Panama? I wasn’t exactly sure, but I instantly went to Google to find out! Perfect! Not one ocean, but two oceans to swim in!  “Okay,” I said, “who do you know who might lead us to someone who can help us make this move happen?” We were recommended by one of Will’s libertarian friends to Rainelda Mata-Kelly, the top name in legal Immigration services in Panama City, and 3 years later… here we are! Permanent residents with alien-looking photos on our ID cards to prove it!

We are not married, though we now have a contract called “Domestic Partnership” … a legal agreement in 50 states. It gives us the right to make medical decisions about one another if we ever have to. Neither of us believes in the institution of marriage, nor do we want to be married. That’s a 3-way “agreement” with the “State” as party # 3. Phooey on that!

Trusting in my heart and my gut is what got me here. In many ways, we are as different as night from day. Yet we live together in the harmony and domesticity that really works during this Next Season of My Life… 

            “When I was one I had just begun

            When I was two I was nearly new

            When I was three I was hardly me

            When I was four I was not much more

            When I was five I was just alive

            But now I am six; I am clever as clever;

 So I think I will be six now forever and ever…

            From:  Winnie The Pooh and Me

Your ever-lovin’ Carolina

I had the honor of spending 90 minutes recently being interviewed by Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Conscious Uncoupling, for one of her private classes. It sparked powerful memories and fifty-odd years of relationship, love, separation. and divorce.

While many are doing the sacred work of “uncoupling,” I have lived that sacred work with Charles successfully since 1997. Best Beloved Friends is a worthy choice during and after ending what we believed was a “forever” marriage.

Now I share with you the picture that was taken of my first kiss with Will, fifteen years ago at Maui airport saying good-bye and Aloha to the only man who claimed my attention after my separation and ultimate divorce with the Beloved Charles, four years prior.

I pasted this little saying to the photo many moons ago and it’s still there, proudly the centerpiece of one of many altars in our home.

In speaking with Katherine I authentically praised her very successful and best-selling book, Calling In The One. I ponder about “the One,” having felt each time that I was marrying the One. Each moment with the One is each moment with whomever I am with, if that makes any sense to you. That, to me, is full Connection or showing up in full presence with each invitation to become “one.”

In my wisdom years, I now acknowledge there are more “the Ones” than we can ever imagine. Yet aching and yearning for the One is a function inside each of us that drives our psyche and our sexuality forward. In my thirty years of guiding and participating in Tantric Pujas (a moving mandala of loving presence with each person), I developed the skill of bringing one hundred percent of me into presence with a new individual each moment and in every breath. The tall, the short, or the not so attractive are each The One for those few precious moments in time.

This practice has taught me how huge love really is! And as the little sign in the picture says, staying in love is where real love resides. Living the love that I am is not always easy. I get irritable… I get impatient… I move at a different speed of light than my dearest One… I am annoyed when hard of hearing seems to be his choice, rather than his problem.

But real love, not pretend love, is the outcome of this awareness. This is the staying in love, deepening into love, and growing into the love that happens when a couple ages together over the long term of relationship. I would love to hear about YOUR experience of the work and the commitment it takes to continue deepening into the warm river of unconditional love …

To The One, Caroline

Heart Wide Open

Dear Friend of Love,
 
Since you are Divine Feminine Family, I know you are a friend of Love. At this time of year, as with any other time of year, let your “heart break wide open so that the whole world falls in.” These are a few of the lyrics of this gift of song from Danya River, the daughter of dear friends of mine, Robert and Judith Gass.
 
Songs that evoke an opening in the heart have been foundational to my own Awakening. Please allow a song such as this to also touch your heart as you remember the deepest meaning of Christmas, and the everlasting truth brought to all of us by the Christ’s message: to…
 
LOVE ONE ANOTHER!
 
As I send my love to you,
 
Caroline, Queen of Hearts

Rarely have I ever seen this particular topic covered with such elegance as in the Tedx talk delivered by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage-Boosting Your Marriage Libido. She does a great job of revealing the pitfalls of a relationship where one partner desperately wants sex and the other is apathetic or unwilling.

 

One of my favorite parts in her talk is when she speaks about her real-life client stories. In particular, she talks about one spouse who reluctantly agrees to have sex, then remembers how enjoyable it is. Sadly, the spouse usually forgets again and the cycle continues.

 

Ms. Weiner-Davis talks about how a long-term sex-starved marriage often leads to divorce. She believes that there are ways to heal such situations, and gives 3 lessons:

 

1. You need to know your own way of connecting, but even more importantly, you need to become an expert in how your partner wants to connect.

 

2. If you are with someone who is yearning for more closeness, don’t delude yourself into thinking that sex is just “scratching an itch” and not that important. It’s a powerful way of connecting and bonding with someone you love.

 

3. When you understand your partner’s way of connecting, whether you agree with it or not, just do it. Healthy relationships are based on mutual caretaking and acts of love.

 

She concludes by saying that we have to take better care of each other to make the world a more loving place, one marriage, one relationship at a time.

 

I would love to get your input on this.

 

Big Love, Caroline

by Caroline Muir “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

Fire heartPriest and philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin was on to something. If his words seem startling, it’s because we don’t usually think of love as a force of nature. But indeed it is! Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Some mystics say there are only two forces at work: love and fear… light and dark… the beginning and the end.

Sex is an expression of love, as taught historically in ancient India by the Tantric cultures. Yet, it must be sex practiced as an art form, as an offering to the Divine; as a yoga where union of male and female energies are expressed in human form, integrated  with the holy and the sacred. Passion is our birthright while pleasure is a close companion of passion. What inhibits some is the fear of the power of passion. There is passion in sex, just as there is passion for life, for success, for money, for our children… for everything that sings of aliveness.

Blue hands out sun ray tight crop resizeEverywhere I go, people notice something unique about me. I can finally admit this, having turned away many times from their recognition. Owning who I am… owning who you are… is Grace. It is a message to creation that you are paying attention. Vitality is a sister to aliveness. How do you rate your vitality? Does it accompany you throughout your day? What do you do about your vitality when it wanes? Rest? Push through? Drink more coffee?

In fact, much of your vitality is fueled by your sexual energy. That does not mean you need to have sex in order to be vital. In fact, sex often robs us of vitality if sex is something that is endured or done for the benefit of someone else. Education and rewiring of our thought forms about sex and sexual energy is essential in order to tap into the vitality and aliveness that sexual loving can offer.

Need a boost in your vitality, your aliveness, your passion? Bali is calling you! Come ride the biggest wave in history with me and bring your enchanted surfboards and magic carpets! Gals, we are rewriting Herstory with our persuasion and power to love with abandon. Wo[Man] creates Fire for the second time in history!