The Panama night is balmy and seductive as I slip my two tickets to Copillia into my evening bag, noting that I rarely dress up for an evening out. A production of this classical Ballet was suggested by a young Russian woman in the gym who I am getting to know. She assured me that the National Ballet of Panama was excellent! With that in mind, I invited my dear Italian Ayurvedic massage therapist, his wife and two little girls to accompany us.

A Night at the Ballet … memories of Lincoln Center … a thousand nights at the ballet in New York City during my twenties. Why is Ballet such a passion for me, given that I have great compassion for the payout dancers must make to train their bodies at this level? But as the curtain goes up, the troupe of young men and women dance before my eyes in costumes that glitter with enchantment, creating a spell to the early music of Leo Delibes, Tchaikovsky, and many others. The sheer grace of the dancing stars is familiar this night as the curtain raises like a full moon erupting from the ocean.

To my delight and surprise, the two- and four-year-old daughters of my friends became the focus of my attention along with the dancers on the stage. The two-year-old had been preparing for this night with mommy and daddy by watching YouTube productions of Swan Lake with her big sister. She was dressed in sheer pink, so that her movements, as she mimicked the ballerinas in the space between the first row and the stage, were spell-binding. Tears poured from my eyes as I took in both the little one and the highly trained dancers on the stage.

I felt her pure oneness with the performance. She was the Star of her own stage! Light poured from her eyes and she never missed a moment of the evening though way past her bedtime. Her Papa smiled his love upon her as he protected his little ballerina… her occasional rushes into his arms for reassurance were so human, precious, and vulnerable.

Wouldn’t we all like to have our Papa’s arms to rush into for reassurance? Wouldn’t we all like to be wearing our long gauzy gown or pink tutu to a night out with parents who adored us? Wouldn’t we all love to be mesmerized by the lights, the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd? Wouldn’t we all like to have felt so loved?

It’s never too late … never too late… never too late, I say.

I always adore your comments!

Let’s Dance, xoxo Carolina

Yes, that’s me in the photo … rushing through the elegant and brightly lit three-story Multiplaza Mall in Panama City with one thing on my mind … where the heck is that little dance shop where I can buy tickets to Capellia, the Ballet that is coming to town?

Quite suddenly, a bright-eyed stranger pops up in my face, “Can I take a picture of that blouse? It would look fantastic on my mother!” “Okay,” I smile, having a moment of compassion for anyone’s mother.

I ask my question in my best broken Spanish for where is that little dance shop, and the next thing I know he is offering his arm for support, and being the gentleman he is, takes my rolling shopping cart from my hand … all in perfect English!

We walk … he talks … huge orbs of dark piercing eyes with just as big a smile in a boy-size frame, rattling the question off to everyone we pass in rapid Espanol, promising to help me find those ballet tickets, and repeatedly stating how much I remind him of his Russian mother.

Photos of his mom dance off of his cell phone as I am in one moment wary of his intense presence, and the next moment trusting that an angel has come to help me find my way. I begin to relax once we have walked for twenty minutes or so and voila! there hiding behind the Olive Garden Restaurant is my little dance shop.

This story has a poignant point. The point is a female one, so please hang in there as you rush through yet another online article with no time to finish it.

Once back at his shop, which is on my way to the supermarket, he steers me into the treatment room in back with the question, “How would you like to look twenty years younger in the next twenty minutes?” All crooked teeth shining through a huge smile and eyes dancing with light, I weakly resist , “Well, only for twenty minutes! Really I must get going … you’ve been great, Gabriel, but my husband will be wondering, etc…”

ONE HOUR LATER, no make-up on at all, I exit the back room – glowing – looking more than 20 years younger. For months I have been asking… “Please Goddess, show me how to take care of my face. I need masks, cleanser, serums, even a new good make-up, but no idea where to start.”

My search is over. Pure and angelic to a tee, my Angel Gabriel, the Israeli/Russian cosmetologist owner of the shop and guide to the ballet tickets, taught me more in that hour in the treatment room than I have ever known from a lifetime of facials and a vast number of products. I also spent a small fortune for my bag full of the Queen’s creams all nestled in elegant boxes and divine tissue! Far more than the products themselves… horribly high-priced, is the new routine of love I now have for my ever-so-familiar image in the mirror.

I really have my Glow On… Plus! Monthly facials in the little back room! No more botox! I’m letting my blond hair grow out to authentic grey, encouraged by others who lead the way. I invite you into the phenomenon of “natural aging”!

*TIP from the Angel Gabriel: “Always ice your face before putting your makeup on. The cold will close your pores.”

By the way, I was actually surprised to see several men in that shop, buying products for their faces while pretty young women showed them how to use them.

“Beauty is as Beauty does”, my Mama always said.

Glowingly, Caroline

Just when I think there is no one there, I am catapulted into a dance, or perhaps it is a trance…  of kindness, connection, and quietude.

A text message, an email, or in my case a WhatsApp Chat, arrives on a chime… and a smile lights up my face. There is proof that I am not forgotten. I was just a bit lost for the last hour or so.

Or…  I forgot to become still… to go within… to clutch my phone so I can listen to an Audible book that brings me home to myself because the author’s voice reading her book touches my soul so deeply.

So much to do is an old habit of mine, yet I have entered into this phase of my life in order to learn to slow down.

My practice is to stop doing

Do you? Have a practice like this?

I stretch my computer-aching body and remember to squeeze my PC muscles. I lay down on the floor or the bed in a sincere attempt to feel better. “Take five,” I hear within. “This tension you are feeling really has nothing to do with you.” Perhaps this is true.

I read deep and moving email newsletters, often from women I know… the kind we, and they, call “Blogs,” but I want a better name for them… outpourings or becomings or meanderings… those all work for my sensitivity more than blogs! And I am touched, often beyond words, by these outpourings … as they invite intimacy. They invite me to see, feel, hear, know, what another is feeling, seeing, hearing, knowing. That makes my day; or my night, as my nocturnal meanderings find me once again looking into my screen for connection and creativity.

I received a text message from a woman my massage healer therapist told about me. She now comes to my apartment for  sessions where we instantly hold hands and dive deep into truths we are seeking or knowing as tears well up in a recognition of one another.  Women have a genuine hunger for connection. We cannot fake that we don’t. In those moments the soul drinks deeply of this medicine. The sacred comes at unexpected moments in unexpected ways.

Have you noticed that?

Women, like me, have a variety of activities to turn to when the computer jams or the planned moments are delayed or simply when I have had enough of “getting things done.” One of my distractions is to go to my closet, pull out a few things that I have loved but continue to ignore and lay my creative Shakti on them to discover… can they work or should I give them away?

Sadly, they worked 5-to-10 pounds ago but miracles happen, don’t they? I don’t need to go shopping! Thank Goddess for distraction as well as a positive attitude. I have learned to keep the things that are unique and discard the mundane.  Every closet clean-out in my life could join with the grocery lists I have written as proof that I am alive and living a fruitful life.

I confess to being continually fascinated by the ability of women to connect… to connect as though they had been told at birth that their moment would come and they would fall into one another like a fish taking to water.

“I feel like I have known you forever,” we say. “Here is my grandmother’s gold and ruby wedding ring… why don’t you wear it for awhile?”

That actually happened to me some years ago when a long lost sister and I knew we had found one another again. She slipped that ring upon my finger, and in some obscure way, we were married for a time. No, this was not a sexual or gay relationship, but a recurrence and a remembrance of an ancient friendship. I eventually gave back her family heirloom simply because it was time. It was a similar moment a year or so ago when I gave my gold and diamond wedding band that I had worn in sacred marriage with myself to a dear woman friend. I loved her enough to seal our bond in this way. I never regretted that moment. “Keep it.” I whispered, “It’s yours!” My bond with myself was that strong. I didn’t need to wear that ring anymore.

Speaking of Grandmothers … one of my favorite fables is the story of my sister-lover-girlfriend who got to sleep naked with her grandmother when she was five! To this day at nearly sixty, she remembers those times with misty eyes. I listen with my own misty eyes, wishing my grandmother hadn’t been so… Victorian… but she was. 

What followed that was my memory of sleeping naked with my grandFATHER when I was five.  Mainly what I remember in the little twin bed with my large grandfather was the sounds of the crickets through the open window all night long. Sweet… nothing threatening… just very sweet.

What a blessing that we were not ALL molested by an uncle or a grandpa! There is so much talk of all that on Medium and everywhere…  I am, quite honestly, amazed that these stories of hidden violations are ready to come out of the closets of millions of women, not unlike the clothes that no longer fit.

BE the Love that you are, Caroline

As promised, here are my honest insights since receiving 49 million Mesenchymal Stem Cells intravenously administered here in Panama City last year (December, 2018) at the renowned Stem Cell Institute.

Nine million of the stem cells were injected directly into my left knee, where the diagnosis of bone-on-bone osteoarthritis was given to me two years ago while still living in Nevada. “See you in a year or so for your knee replacement, Caroline,” said the doctor, smiling.

I was not smiling – I knew I would hate knee surgery – the risks as well as the weeks or months of healing. My body has communicated with me quite clearly… “Do not invade me!” Not everyone gets this message from their body, and I don’t expect you to do as I do.

Listen carefully, however, to what your body asks of you.

Would I buy more stem cells if I had disposable income right now? Yes! In a heart beat. Did the stem cells I had in December “work”? Now that is the million-dollar question, and yet I would answer, “Yes! They are working.”

Is this because I have no more problems or simply because I believe in them?

In short, I have not taken pain relief (NSAIDS) daily in six to eight weeks. I am taking, if I remember, a half dose of the asthma inhaler I was told I would need twice a day “for the rest of my life.”

Ohhhh … and my psoriasis on my scalp is 95% gone! After reading on the web that it is a condition that cannot be healed.

Did the stem cells work?  Hmmmm…

Another BIG realization is how valuable it is to walk with grace through the process of integrating loss of energy, vitality, and function. I feel that my health problems are minor and for this I am beyond grateful. So what if hiking the Sierras is a great memory as is swimming a mile in the waters off Maui. So what if I can’t leap into standing from a cross-legged seat on the floor and demonstrate those beloved Yoga poses I have been doing for 45 years.

I CAN walk and I can see and I can hear and I can feel the depths of love within my heart. I can give a damn good sacred spot session and I can swim laps in the morning sun by the Bay in Panama in the infinity pool that is shared with the JW Marriott. I CAN… I CAN!

I CAN!!

The power of the spoken word and the power of my mind are within my grasp. Those are the poses I work with every day as I remind myself of all that I still am.

Fortunately for me, I live with a man who researches and writes constantly about the new medical finds that are gaining momentum in the anti-aging field. Heck, of course we will age, but does it have to be as detrimental as we have watched with our parents? Does cancer, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, etc., have to take center stage in our lives?

What if, I constantly ask myself, becoming a vibrant Thought Leader in the world of Feminine Leadership is the reward of choosing to be as healthy as I can be?

I ask you to consider even more deeply… are you at the pinnacle of your life’s dream, or are you settling?

*Do you know that your sexual energy is your most potent untapped resource? Learn more here.

In devotion, Caroline

Eros, Love, & Desire

“Despite all of our best efforts, Eros will not be silenced. Eros is still here whether it shows up in secret shameful desires or secret shameful eating… in rebellious acts of sexual delight or lonely acts of sexual desperation. The erotic is in our buildings and bridges, our high art and low porn. It is what the body wants and what we refuse to give it… It is the desire swept so far under the rug that we can’t even name it anymore, yet it is still here. The erotic is waiting, curious and hungry, growing impatient for our acceptance. Ready to leap out at unexpected and inopportune moments. The domestication of our primate souls cannot stamp it out, nor the threat of stoning nor shame nor even the threat of death. Even when Eros appears to have surrendered beneath a sea of calm, measured reason and propriety it is there… diverted into the car purchase, the affair, the internet shopping spree, the constant surfing and yearning to fill the empty spaces in our souls.”
— Anonymous

Dear One,

There is so much we know and so much we don’t know about love, desire, passion, lust, the sacred, twin flames, soul mates… and the list goes on. What we know is what we feel in the moments when Cupid’s arrow lands willingly in our heart or any other part of our complex terrain. There is no mistake when we feel the penetration of that which we often call LOVE!

It spins our minds into a swirl of possibilities… it gives us hope! It ignites the weary soul, the flaccid libido, the lifeless and repetitive days. For centuries poets have written of this mystery so we could turn to their words for support and understanding. See! I’m not the only one who has ever lost her balance over compelling desire!

I personally prefer living in a state of “in-love-ness” whether it be over a person or over me! Of all the choices I could make (worry, fear, concern, etc.) I continue to shape and mold this self-serving choice into something palatable, tasty, and life-affirming.

I reflect upon the sensational times in my life when the unmistakable lure of lusty love drove my attention towards that which made my skin itch with desire. At times it was in the form of a white sandy beach met by blue sea water into which I could immerse my body and soul. Other rushes of love came in the form of men or women, cats or dogs, babies or children, which compelled me to focus all of my longings and aliveness upon them… only to be met or ignored, never knowing if they would take a second look at my interest in them.

There is an unwavering hope that I will be met… met by a best friend, met by a lover, met by an invitation to experience life in a certain way that I didn’t even know I wanted or yearned for. The longing rises to the surface at unusual times, often at night when I can’t sleep… when the veil between the worlds is most thin and I know this other presence is waiting on the other side of the veil, a mere breath away. I know of soul mates and twin flames and at times have been certain I was looking into the eyes of that other soul at the same moment as they looked into mine.

But was it true love, the kind that changes the landscape of a Life well lived yet that has been vacant in this particular area of fulfillment?  I wish I knew…. I wish I knew….

Do you? Please share!

Xoxo Carolina

Stem Cell treatment is the subject of this Blog…

In particular mesenchymal stem cells ( MSC) which work in four main ways:

  • Controls Inflammation
  • Modulates the Immune System
  • Stimulates Regeneration
  • Reduces Scarring

I recently had 3 days of MSC injected IV into my bloodstream and my left knee. I am writing to you now in a lovely state of altered consciousness, though clear as a bell. I’m high on cellular energy!

These particular stem cells are available in the country of Panama, approved by the Panamanian government,  their version of the FDA.  To put it simply, MSC are harvested from the inner lining of umbilical cords from healthy babies. They are often referred to as “Golden” cells.

Imagine, if you will, that the energy and health of a newborn can be transplanted into adults of any age with any sort of condition … from children with serious Autism to aging adults with inflammatory diseases.  Medical maverick Dr. Neil Riordan has isolated these cells in his many years of research. His father before him, also termed a medical maverick, still has the Riordan Clinic in Wichita, Kansas, a clinic devoted to treating cancer with high infusions of Vitamin C along with Functional Medicine.

As I gracefully age into my mid-seventies, I am plagued by inflammation in my knees, causing my once very agile body to lumber about like an old person, at times. I especially notice this when going up or down stairs, doing yoga postures I have always been very flexible with, and walking longer distances.  As a practitioner of yoga now for 45 years, I have always been able to sit in a cross-legged seat on the floor and then simply come into standing from the floor.  Those days ended 5 or 6 years ago, and it devastated me to need to turn onto all fours and push myself up with my hands. My “aging years”… I came to accept, “begrudgingly.”

Perhaps you can relate? In future blogs, I will attempt to capture the changes I hope to notice after the infusion of these stem cells. I have heard resounding success stories from people who have traveled to Panama City for this procedure and many of them more than once. Now I will have my own story to share with you, rather than a hit or miss story about surgical knee replacement.

I recommend Dr. Riordan’s book, Stem Cells, A Rising Tide. The book explained, often with more science than I could comprehend, how the cells are grown and his journey in discovering how they work to bring about a rejuvenation of health.

What I love hearing is how people not only admire Neil Riordan, PhD, but love his Midwestern accessibility. The Clinic here in Panama has been open for ten-plus years, from the early days treating 5 to 6 patients a week, and now 40-50 patients fly into Panama City for their treatment over 4 days which includes lodging at the beautiful Hilton next door to the Clinic overlooking Panama Bay.

My only difficult days were the first and second as the cells injected into my left knee caused swelling and tenderness for 24-48 hours. Since then I am walking normally. The cells dripped into my bloodstream via IV left a lasting impression on my body. After the last treatment, I shivered and shook for 30 minutes or so as though I was freezing cold. It helped to be hugged by my warm man as we rode down the elevator and left the building. The tremors and cold feeling subsided within 30-45 minutes. The cells are full of light energy and that is the “altered” state I refer to.

My friend, we are together on the cusp of a changing world. I compare this to my fear about knee surgery or replacement, knowing how invasive surgery is on the body. I know my body does not want to endure another type of surgery. I have grown too sensitive for the drugs needed to endure the pain from surgical procedures.  You either know it’s for you, or you know it isn’t. I trust in that “knowing” (also called gnosis).

This treatment should last at least a year. Not everyone needs a repeat visit to the Clinic. Everyone’s body repairs differently. That being said, I am not recommending the Stem Cell procedures because I have not had enough time to share the results with you. I do, however, expect to feel much better with less need to rely on conventional means or meds. This falls under the heading of New Medicine, and it has been undergoing clinical trials for many years. There are no negative reactions, and only rarely does “nothing” happen.

You might wonder how this relates to the Divine Feminine or sacred sexuality. Well…. If you are feeling good then every part of you gets a blast of that gooood feeling!

Nothing raises or lowers libido faster than a headache, low energy, or feeling disconnected from yourself or another. As I write I am feeling that tingling and buzzing of new life cells coursing across my pelvic bone and under my left shoulder blade! Our bodies are always signaling if we pay attention.

What the heck… I thought you should know!

And, you are the first to know of my recent experience! I have been anticipating this for many months. Care to contact me when you come to Panama City for your Cells and for that Private Immersion you have been thinking about for years?

Onward… in the hope we have moments of traveling together!

Caroline

Latin America feels pretty darn good!

I suppose I’m “semi-retired” now! I turn 75 years young on November 10, and I’m fine with celebrating aging in numbers as long as I don’t feel that number! Often, I feel 17… or 37… or 57… having no clue what 75 is supposed to feel like, so I just have fun with it.

I love my Birthday every year… I love the time of year in which I was born… I love celebrating myself, and hearing from others who celebrate me! Some might call me a narcissist… I call myself a Woman with Worth, with genuine self-respect as well as high regard for who I have become. And so I am!

New Home, New Country, New Language, New Life

2018 was the year I downsized from a sprawling Nevada home into a lovely two-bedroom apartment with high ceilings and a forty-foot terrace overlooking Panama City and Panama Bay. Actually, I never saw this coming! I have chosen quiet, peaceful, and beautiful country life for nearly fifty years. Remarkable how much I have changed to now be entirely happy with my new reality. I smile my way down the elevator every day as I roll my shopping cart two blocks to the greengrocer, FOODIES, stopping at the most glorious French Patisserie for an espresso and… well, what can allow myself to enjoy today?

In my fourth month of living in Latin American, I am most enthralled with Latin people…  and add to that the Spanish language. I admit to resistance when it comes to learning or being “in school,” but I am also one hundred percent passionate about speaking Spanish. This may take years, but I have years to devote to becoming fluent.

Restoring my Vitality and Decreasing Pain

I am also here in Latin America for alternative health care. My focus in that arena is the work of Dr. Neil Riordan and stem cells… often referred to as the New Medicine. In December I will receive four days of stem cell therapy, my body and blood being flooded with Mesencheymal and Golden stem cells. I was accepted by the stem cell institute here because of Osteoarthritis (bone-on-bone) in my knees… and asthma. My January Blog will give you a full report, but I suspect a miraculous reversal in my vitality, energy in general, and physical rewards such as much less pain and increased use of my knees and legs.

Catapulting my Work

My work is catapulting into its next phase now that I have joined with Amrita Grace as co-founder of the Sacred feminine Mystery School. Amrita is a first-class teacher of the Practice of AH. Her CSSE (Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator) Teacher Trainings are impeccable and her reputation is growing to reach the global community of women… women eager to teach the Practice of AH (Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing®) so that the empowerment of women can spread like a jasmine-flower-vine covering a trellis with succulent beauty. Enjoy this link to a website recently created by one of our students in Europe!

My Private Work Continues in Panama

I recently had the privilege of sharing my private Immersion work with a woman from Peru who was with us last April in Maui. She gave herself a room in the JW Marriott Hotel right next to my apartment building, so I could “walk to work”!  This was her Retirement gift to herself after 38 years of service to the Central Bank of Lima. We laughed… we cried… we brought divine mother into a triad of healing and awakening during our four days of Sessions. She is still integrating so that we can share her testimonial with you accurately, as more than ever I realize how the Practice of AH is way beyond the average modality of healing… needing time to ground the results of the Practice into daily life.

Bienvenidos! I welcome you to visit Latin America, specifically Panama City, Panama. If you only come here to see the Panama Canal, that’s ok. But please do contact me if you want to claim more of your Birthright of Pleasure and Aliveness! Start by filling out a Discovery Session Application here.

Vaya con la Diosa (go with Goddess), Carolina

A Shakti Success Story

Franca Baroni, Shakti Success StoryMeet Franca Baroni, Attorney at Law. She showed up at my door last year for her three-day Immersion, but she did not look like this. Her aura was gray… her demeanor somewhat guarded and uncertain. She told me of her childhood growing up in an area close to the northern border of Italy, being educated in Europe and the U.S., and currently living in Seattle. She was working as an immigration lawyer for the past several years supporting undocumented victims of crimes, domestic violence, and persecution. She spent many hours a week in the detention center bringing hope to those who’ve lost it. It was depressing to say the least and although her work was meaningful to her, she felt drained of her life force… her shakti energy.

We talked, we laughed, we giggled like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in too many years. She shared a common restraint that many women feel when receiving sacred spot massage from a female… from a woman and person who isn’t a sexual partner. It’s difficult to allow arousal even when feeling it. There is a stigma worldwide that says, “If it feels good with a woman then I must be gay” or something like that.

I carried a lot of fear in my early days of doing this work about being touched by a woman in sacred spot massage. It’s so foreign for a heterosexual woman always geared towards men for sexual pleasure. What if we like it? Honestly, the touch of a woman is so healing that of course we are going to like it!

In our initial talks, I gathered that Franca no longer felt in alignment with her “job.” She was drying up in her work life even though her extraordinary young son was the light of her life and she was pursuing various creative projects. That has all changed since our work together… when Franca realized that she was not fully living according to her essential divinely feminine essence… her powerful Shakti woke up and spoke to her at a whole new level, like never before!

A true bond of sisterhood and friendship was born during our sessions together. Franca recently sent me the above photo along with the schedule of appearances of her One-Woman Show featured in Seattle and Denver venues. I am compelled to share this journey with you of a woman who took her life in her hands and changed it dramatically!

This is Franca today. Wowza! You might say. She is a One Woman Show… and she is taking herself on the road. I am so proud of how Franca honestly and fully listened to her Shakti when she went home to Seattle… within two months she quit her regular job… leaning on her trust in herself and the Divine Feminine and letting the magic unfold. She still continues to work as an immigration lawyer, now freelancing, but her priority is to make space for the creative and sensual Goddess moving through her.

If we were to explore the details, I’m sure we would have much compassion for the amount of work it takes for a woman to do what Franca is doing… yet we would also share in the extreme joy she feels every time she goes on stage.

Here is a video about what One Woman is doing to share her gifts with the world: One-Woman Show “Act in the Public Heart: A Lawyer’s Journey” You can learn more how to get tickets for her live shows here. Franca has two shows coming up: Oct. 19 and Nov. 3 in Seattle, WA at the Jewelbox Theater.

For those of you considering the path of becoming a much-needed Teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® as a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I know YOU will be the one writing articles one day about the people you have watched come into bloom with their shakti because of your belief in this sacred work. The Goddess and Divine Mother are calling you… are you listening?

Big love, Caroline

Many have asked (though others don’t care)… why, Caroline, are you leaving America the Beautiful? More than leaving anywhere, for me it boils down to going somewhere new. Why not… Panama The Beautiful or Uruguay The Beautiful… or Portugal The Beautiful?  Why, indeed, would I choose to leave my homeland for a new way of life in a new and different “homeland”? Curiosity? Fear? Adventure? Tax hedge? Or… none of the above?

I do love adventure… always have.  But until this time in my eighth decade I have not been lured away from American soil for a new set of both problems and possibilities. In a practical way, I think about “the rest of my life,” and the vulnerable unknowns about things like health, financial realities, and a nagging voice that screams to me in words such as “do it before it’s too late!”.

Do what? Experience Ayahuasca. Live where I never need a jacket. Learn a new language. Meet interesting people who have lived their whole lives outside of the United States. Things like that. And the funny thing is… I adore jackets. I have an overstuffed closet full of cute, adorable, practical, and warm jackets! I don’t even care for Chilean Chardonnay… much prefer California Chardonnay or white French Bordeaux… so what is this lure now to live in a city of a million and a half… where my view is not green grass, or the Pacific Ocean, Lake Tahoe, or a yard full of grazing deer? My view is a sea of creamy off-white and very tall buildings that dot the coastline of Panama Bay where the Panama Canal still advertises itself as one of the Wonders of the Modern World.

My “stuff” has arrived from its journey by ship and now fits within the confines of a 1,650 square foot apartment on the 61st floor of a lovely 68 story residence. No one here knows who the heck I am or what I represent in the world. No one here knows my phone number or what car I drive, as I have given up owning a car for the first time since I was sixteen years old. I love being anonymous…  except for the doorman of this building who hugs me like nobody’s business as he endearingly opens the heavy glass entrance to the chic lobby of Trump Residency Apartments! Go figure… a girl from the Kansas suburbs goes LATIN.

More things have changed during this 74th year than meets the eye. I am in love with a woman! While remaining domestically true to my partner of 17 years who is sharing this experience with me, I am living now with a new Truth… about who I am and about my capacity to love more than One while negotiating time to spend with her and away from him. This requires a partnership of gigantic proportions, and I have one of those!!!

The details are too endless and personal for this article, but suffice it to say, I am fulfilled as I navigate tender territory. I have never chosen the traditional or easy path. I am a pioneer! My great grandparents crossed America in a covered wagon only to homestead land in Iowa as the great and new country called the United States birthed its beginnings way back when.

How are these revelations impacting you? What judgments, if any, arise? What inquiries of me might inspire you to write a response? I know you are busy… busy as can bee! But at least let your mind wash over these writings and land in places where you might be living your fear of change rather than embracing it. Change is the Way of the Goddess. SHE lives for change… SHE does not live in fear of change. These meanderings, formally called a “Blog,” are designed to share my innermost self as well as knock on your inner doors.

Come Play With Me in Costa Rica! Por favor, take seriously my invitation to join me and my divine team in Costa Rica at the end of November 2018 for Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Jump on your fear of “not enough” and claim your courage BEYOND the fear of not enough. Such Big Magic happens when 18-24 women do a swan dive off the high board and swim in heavenly and divine waters of feminine fabulousness! The $400 off early-bird discount expires August 31st.

I want your DESIRE to emerge… to surround me and make me look timid. Jump… Leap… into the unknown. Together we will fly.

Via Con Diosa (Go with Goddess), Carolina

My Breast Friends

How many times have you criticized your own breasts? How many times have you hated them or wished they were different? Or are they your breast friends?

One in eight women will develop invasive breast cancer during her lifetime. It is the fifth most common cause of death from cancer in women. The rates of survival are improving because it is diagnosed at earlier stages and treated; however, an estimated 266,120 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in the U.S. in 2018.

My focus on this subject comes from several recent experiences I have had with women and the vulnerability of their breasts during my Awakening and Healing sessions. When I massage a woman’s body during my sessions, I always ask if I may touch her breasts with a healing intent.

As a woman touching another woman’s breasts I am very careful not to touch them with any intent for arousal, since my healing work is not about arousing her pleasure. Yet, I am now looking at my own fear and resistance behind that.

I recently had a client who asked if she could hold my breasts during a massage session. I had to re-examine my own boundaries for a long few seconds until I easily realized there was nothing to fear. I said, “Yes, of course,” and pulled off my top and the soft bra that held my large and lovely breasts (my breast friends). I was standing beside the massage table as I held her breasts while she held mine. Our eyes connected. I encouraged deep breathing and sounds to help move whatever surprise or anxiety we might be feeling. She shared with me that she has nursed four now-grown children, lamenting that she hoped to have surgery in the near future to lift her fallen breasts after the years of nursing.

We both felt emotional and loving during this exchange. I laid my breasts on top of hers placing my heart center on her heart center as we breathed with one another. To my surprise, I began to kiss her breasts, not her nipples, mind you, but as you might kiss a person’s cheek…and she returned kisses to my own. This was a delicate and tender moment that felt more tender and lovely than I can find words to express.

Tears fell from her eyes, as she said, “Caroline, this is the most healing moment I have ever experienced… now I can let the surgeon make them as lovely as they were before I nursed my four children.” And we both sensed when it was time to stop and integrate what we each felt. I was as altered by the experience as was she, and we both know that it was a moment we shall never forget.

Several months later, I had the honor and privilege of enjoying the breasts of another woman with whom I share a great deal of Shakti and desire… a very different energy as this woman is a friend and not a client. We are both very involved in conscious sexuality and sexual healing professionally, so it’s natural that these concepts would be present in the sharing of sexual desire and pleasure with one another. The pleasure I feel when she caresses my breasts, when she kisses my nipples and truly “loves” my breasts, feels like the most healing medicine of loving care I have ever known … from a woman.  There is simply NO WAY that diseases such as breast cancer could enter breasts that are this loved and revered.

When I inhale the scent of her… when I hold and enjoy her breasts, I am clearly in an altered state. She nursed her child for several years over twenty years ago, and I feel as though the child in me is being nourished by the ambrosia she carries. The experience with her goes so far beyond any sensual experience I have ever had with a man.

My recent explorations have greatly altered my view of who I am in my sexual identity and certainly as a woman. I know without a doubt that women can heal many issues around being female only in the intimate safety of another woman or women. I also believe that sharing pleasure with a woman that goes far beyond shopping together has value on so many levels. I weave the snippets of my past accumulation of intimate experience with women into a cloak of many colors. Now I wear it daily, as a reminder to revere the many-faceted gem of who I am… A Woman… a divinely feminine WOMAN~!

My personal life explorations into feminine sensuality are quite different from my work, where we guide women into holding sacred space for each other’s sexual healing and awakening, exploring such archetypes as “midwife” and “priestess.” When the barriers of fear and judgment break down and women melt into being held in this powerful space together, their healing impacts the entire planet and reaches backward and forward through the generations.

I’m happily settled in Panama now, establishing a new home and private practice. In the meantime, please consider joining us for our final Blue Spirit retreat in late November… Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Several women are bringing their husbands to enjoy the beautiful infinity pool, ocean, and grounds while they are in the workshop.

Your radically awakened Caroline