I find this “ideal” man compelling, arousing, sexually stimulating, and fulfilling during my private time with myself, and I respectfully asked him for his permission to “use” his presence during my self-pleasuring time. I described for him in detail how I felt his essence … his energy … coursing through me from the beginning. It is his eyes that penetrate me, not his genitals. Then again, it is love that is my turn-on. He leads with his heart as many others do, and those are the people, men or women, who attract me.
It led to an interesting dialogue about how people rarely ask permission in sexual, let alone imaginary sexual situations. I believe he felt respected by my inquiry, and perhaps just a little lit up, also!
I’ve bestowed him with the title Imaginary Lover, and it’s in my imagination where sexual arousal often begins, especially when even lovers cannot get physically together to “love one another”… at least not without endangering their health and that of their families! Oh, there are lots of ways to exchange sexual connection and turn-on via text messaging, photos, and videos, but none of that is what I am interested in defining here.
There is great value in keeping our sexual energy moving in a healthy way, even, and especially, during a global crisis! Alone is fine, but being under the penetrating gaze of a quality (or, I suppose, even a non-quality) person somehow makes the whole experience of solo orgasms more enticing … more enjoyable … and certainly more intense!
I also notice the purity of this ideal relationship in that I cannot find fault with any part of him. He lives in ideal perfection… whereas my daily and primary partner is not that ideal to me for various little reasons, such as mild irritants, hard-of-hearing moments, or that ongoing cough I continue to hear from the other room. After twenty years I do not find sex with my primary partner as satisfying as many of my solo self-pleasuring sessions and that’s simply the truth.
I also find this “other beloved” taking up residence deep within my heart. I rarely notice when I am NOT thinking about him… he is with me nearly all my time even when I am with my significant partner. I just can’t shake him loose, nor do I want to!
Will we ever meet? That remains a question. We have both admitted to knowing we will quite possibly feel shy when we do finally meet and spend some time together. How I see that time is purely imaginary, but here is what I hope…
Be sure to stay tuned for Part 4, the final part, where I share my desires, hopes, and fantasies for a meeting in person.
I always love and welcome your comments!
Big love, Caroline