Expert: Caroline Muir
Wouldn’t it be great if you could shut out all distractions and really connect to your body during sex? You know, be completely in the moment and put the spotlight directly on your pleasure?
Want to know how? By using your mind to improve your focus — and that’s where meditation comes in.
A meditative practice trains you to silence the internal chatter, which will help you tune in to every touch, every taste, every sensation. “Meditation is worth every minute you give to achieving this quiet state of mind,” says Caroline Muir, author of Tantra Goddess and founder of the Divine Feminine Institute for Men and Women. “It’s that quiet state that makes you open to your true erotic self.”
A quiet mind is also less distracted by self-consciousness and more open to heightened perception, which is just where you want to be when you’re most aroused. Any practice that brings focus to deep breathing while anchoring you in the here-and-now boosts your ability to experience erotic enjoyment.
“Sex is meditation,” says Muir. “Meditation is an inner seeing, and sex is enhanced by intimacy which I like to call in-to-me-see.” She describes the two together — sex and mindfulness — as paths to deeper understanding and greater connection. “The invitation to be mindful and present during sexual loving is a gift you give yourself and your partner.”
Muir offers the following meditative techniques as a means of awakening sensuality and increasing sexual satisfaction. She suggests a 10-minute sexual meditation at least 2–3 times per week (and 30 minutes on weekends). “These are techniques from Tantric study that have transformed my own experience of the short, quick orgasm into something that last for minutes.” Need we say more?
Solo Sexual Meditation for Women
This meditation on your “internal” sexual muscles comes from centuries of Tantric yoga tradition, says Muir. “Mindfully focusing on the sensations in your body will enhance your ability to feel pleasure during sex and more fully enjoy the experience.”
You can do this exercise at home, at work, on the train, wherever. If you’re at home, set a sensual scene: Prepare a candle-lit bath or “pleasure nest’” with your favorite music, scent, candles, fabrics, art. Or sit in front of a mirror and watch yourself relax into a goddess of pleasure.
Step One: In a comfortable seated position (either at your desk, on the floor or on a pillow) with your eyes closed or open but with a soft focus, inhale deeply and hold your breath.
Step Two: While holding the breath, concentrate on contracting your inner female muscles . . . tighter, tighter, tighter.
Step Three: Exhale and relax these muscles completely . . . until you feel a pool of energy beneath you.
Step Four: Repeat two more times, squeezing as you hold the breath, relaxing as you exhale.
Step Five: Next, inhale deeply, hold breath while pulsing the muscles (squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax).
Step Six: Exhale slowly while relaxing those muscles and when all your breath is out, immediately begin your next sequence.
Step Seven: Repeat two more times — pulsing as you hold the breath (squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax-squeeze-relax) and exhaling completely.
Step Eight: Continue to inhale and exhale slowly while you meditate on the energy you have cultivated that you are now “sitting on.” Consider repeating affirmations to yourself such as “Sexual pleasure is my birthright.” If that’s a little too Tantric, just think about sex!
Couples Pleasure Meditation
Using meditative principles while engaging in lovemaking can help shift your attention from external distractions to the present moment, allowing you to get into you and your lover’s sexual pleasure flow.
Step One: If your eyes are closed during sex, tune into your own breathing. Visualize your breath as it travels up your spine and down again. Or, concentrate on the sensation of your breath as it flows in and out of your nostrils, in an endless wave that syncs up with what’s happening in the rest of your body. “Like the lapping of the sea upon the shore, it relaxes the brain from all its busyness and turmoil,” says Muir.
Step Two: Focus on the scent of your partner. While you’re breathing deeply, breathe him into your body, and into the picture of him in your mind.
Step Three: Next, open your eyes and look at your partner. The simple act of eye contact enhances intimacy. Even if he’s off in his own world, allow your eyes to convey your thoughts. With a whisper of your eyes, communicate, “You’re mine” or “Slower” or whatever you’re feeling. This will keep your mind from wandering and keep your focus on you and your partner and your combined pleasure.
Step Four: If you find yourself edging towards a climax, don’t be afraid to add a little “Ahhh,” with every exhale getting incrementally louder. This will help push you towards the edge and keep your focus on experiencing pleasure as opposed to allowing other thoughts to creep in.
Step Five: When you reach your peak, take in another deep breath, sipping your pleasure as if through a straw right up into your brain. (This will intensify any feelings of orgasmic release as you tune into the sensations that have just coursed through your body).
Photo credit: Kelli McCarty