Many have asked (though others don’t care)… why, Caroline, are you leaving America the Beautiful? More than leaving anywhere, for me it boils down to going somewhere new. Why not… Panama The Beautiful or Uruguay The Beautiful… or Portugal The Beautiful? Why, indeed, would I choose to leave my homeland for a new way of life in a new and different “homeland”? Curiosity? Fear? Adventure? Tax hedge? Or… none of the above?
I do love adventure… always have. But until this time in my eighth decade I have not been lured away from American soil for a new set of both problems and possibilities. In a practical way, I think about “the rest of my life,” and the vulnerable unknowns about things like health, financial realities, and a nagging voice that screams to me in words such as “do it before it’s too late!”.
Do what? Experience Ayahuasca. Live where I never need a jacket. Learn a new language. Meet interesting people who have lived their whole lives outside of the United States. Things like that. And the funny thing is… I adore jackets. I have an overstuffed closet full of cute, adorable, practical, and warm jackets! I don’t even care for Chilean Chardonnay… much prefer California Chardonnay or white French Bordeaux… so what is this lure now to live in a city of a million and a half… where my view is not green grass, or the Pacific Ocean, Lake Tahoe, or a yard full of grazing deer? My view is a sea of creamy off-white and very tall buildings that dot the coastline of Panama Bay where the Panama Canal still advertises itself as one of the Wonders of the Modern World.
My “stuff” has arrived from its journey by ship and now fits within the confines of a 1,650 square foot apartment on the 61st floor of a lovely 68 story residence. No one here knows who the heck I am or what I represent in the world. No one here knows my phone number or what car I drive, as I have given up owning a car for the first time since I was sixteen years old. I love being anonymous… except for the doorman of this building who hugs me like nobody’s business as he endearingly opens the heavy glass entrance to the chic lobby of Trump Residency Apartments! Go figure… a girl from the Kansas suburbs goes LATIN.
More things have changed during this 74th year than meets the eye. I am in love with a woman! While remaining domestically true to my partner of 17 years who is sharing this experience with me, I am living now with a new Truth… about who I am and about my capacity to love more than One while negotiating time to spend with her and away from him. This requires a partnership of gigantic proportions, and I have one of those!!!
The details are too endless and personal for this article, but suffice it to say, I am fulfilled as I navigate tender territory. I have never chosen the traditional or easy path. I am a pioneer! My great grandparents crossed America in a covered wagon only to homestead land in Iowa as the great and new country called the United States birthed its beginnings way back when.
How are these revelations impacting you? What judgments, if any, arise? What inquiries of me might inspire you to write a response? I know you are busy… busy as can bee! But at least let your mind wash over these writings and land in places where you might be living your fear of change rather than embracing it. Change is the Way of the Goddess. SHE lives for change… SHE does not live in fear of change. These meanderings, formally called a “Blog,” are designed to share my innermost self as well as knock on your inner doors.
Come Play With Me in Costa Rica! Por favor, take seriously my invitation to join me and my divine team in Costa Rica at the end of November 2018 for Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Jump on your fear of “not enough” and claim your courage BEYOND the fear of not enough. Such Big Magic happens when 18-24 women do a swan dive off the high board and swim in heavenly and divine waters of feminine fabulousness! The $400 off early-bird discount expires August 31st.
I want your DESIRE to emerge… to surround me and make me look timid. Jump… Leap… into the unknown. Together we will fly.
Via Con Diosa (Go with Goddess), Carolina