Eros, Love, & Desire

“Despite all of our best efforts, Eros will not be silenced. Eros is still here whether it shows up in secret shameful desires or secret shameful eating… in rebellious acts of sexual delight or lonely acts of sexual desperation. The erotic is in our buildings and bridges, our high art and low porn. It is what the body wants and what we refuse to give it… It is the desire swept so far under the rug that we can’t even name it anymore, yet it is still here. The erotic is waiting, curious and hungry, growing impatient for our acceptance. Ready to leap out at unexpected and inopportune moments. The domestication of our primate souls cannot stamp it out, nor the threat of stoning nor shame nor even the threat of death. Even when Eros appears to have surrendered beneath a sea of calm, measured reason and propriety it is there… diverted into the car purchase, the affair, the internet shopping spree, the constant surfing and yearning to fill the empty spaces in our souls.”
— Anonymous

Dear One,

There is so much we know and so much we don’t know about love, desire, passion, lust, the sacred, twin flames, soul mates… and the list goes on. What we know is what we feel in the moments when Cupid’s arrow lands willingly in our heart or any other part of our complex terrain. There is no mistake when we feel the penetration of that which we often call LOVE!

It spins our minds into a swirl of possibilities… it gives us hope! It ignites the weary soul, the flaccid libido, the lifeless and repetitive days. For centuries poets have written of this mystery so we could turn to their words for support and understanding. See! I’m not the only one who has ever lost her balance over compelling desire!

I personally prefer living in a state of “in-love-ness” whether it be over a person or over me! Of all the choices I could make (worry, fear, concern, etc.) I continue to shape and mold this self-serving choice into something palatable, tasty, and life-affirming.

I reflect upon the sensational times in my life when the unmistakable lure of lusty love drove my attention towards that which made my skin itch with desire. At times it was in the form of a white sandy beach met by blue sea water into which I could immerse my body and soul. Other rushes of love came in the form of men or women, cats or dogs, babies or children, which compelled me to focus all of my longings and aliveness upon them… only to be met or ignored, never knowing if they would take a second look at my interest in them.

There is an unwavering hope that I will be met… met by a best friend, met by a lover, met by an invitation to experience life in a certain way that I didn’t even know I wanted or yearned for. The longing rises to the surface at unusual times, often at night when I can’t sleep… when the veil between the worlds is most thin and I know this other presence is waiting on the other side of the veil, a mere breath away. I know of soul mates and twin flames and at times have been certain I was looking into the eyes of that other soul at the same moment as they looked into mine.

But was it true love, the kind that changes the landscape of a Life well lived yet that has been vacant in this particular area of fulfillment?  I wish I knew…. I wish I knew….

Do you? Please share!

Xoxo Carolina

Latin America feels pretty darn good!

I suppose I’m “semi-retired” now! I turn 75 years young on November 10, and I’m fine with celebrating aging in numbers as long as I don’t feel that number! Often, I feel 17… or 37… or 57… having no clue what 75 is supposed to feel like, so I just have fun with it.

I love my Birthday every year… I love the time of year in which I was born… I love celebrating myself, and hearing from others who celebrate me! Some might call me a narcissist… I call myself a Woman with Worth, with genuine self-respect as well as high regard for who I have become. And so I am!

New Home, New Country, New Language, New Life

2018 was the year I downsized from a sprawling Nevada home into a lovely two-bedroom apartment with high ceilings and a forty-foot terrace overlooking Panama City and Panama Bay. Actually, I never saw this coming! I have chosen quiet, peaceful, and beautiful country life for nearly fifty years. Remarkable how much I have changed to now be entirely happy with my new reality. I smile my way down the elevator every day as I roll my shopping cart two blocks to the greengrocer, FOODIES, stopping at the most glorious French Patisserie for an espresso and… well, what can allow myself to enjoy today?

In my fourth month of living in Latin American, I am most enthralled with Latin people…  and add to that the Spanish language. I admit to resistance when it comes to learning or being “in school,” but I am also one hundred percent passionate about speaking Spanish. This may take years, but I have years to devote to becoming fluent.

Restoring my Vitality and Decreasing Pain

I am also here in Latin America for alternative health care. My focus in that arena is the work of Dr. Neil Riordan and stem cells… often referred to as the New Medicine. In December I will receive four days of stem cell therapy, my body and blood being flooded with Mesencheymal and Golden stem cells. I was accepted by the stem cell institute here because of Osteoarthritis (bone-on-bone) in my knees… and asthma. My January Blog will give you a full report, but I suspect a miraculous reversal in my vitality, energy in general, and physical rewards such as much less pain and increased use of my knees and legs.

Catapulting my Work

My work is catapulting into its next phase now that I have joined with Amrita Grace as co-founder of the Sacred feminine Mystery School. Amrita is a first-class teacher of the Practice of AH. Her CSSE (Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator) Teacher Trainings are impeccable and her reputation is growing to reach the global community of women… women eager to teach the Practice of AH (Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing®) so that the empowerment of women can spread like a jasmine-flower-vine covering a trellis with succulent beauty. Enjoy this link to a website recently created by one of our students in Europe!

My Private Work Continues in Panama

I recently had the privilege of sharing my private Immersion work with a woman from Peru who was with us last April in Maui. She gave herself a room in the JW Marriott Hotel right next to my apartment building, so I could “walk to work”!  This was her Retirement gift to herself after 38 years of service to the Central Bank of Lima. We laughed… we cried… we brought divine mother into a triad of healing and awakening during our four days of Sessions. She is still integrating so that we can share her testimonial with you accurately, as more than ever I realize how the Practice of AH is way beyond the average modality of healing… needing time to ground the results of the Practice into daily life.

Bienvenidos! I welcome you to visit Latin America, specifically Panama City, Panama. If you only come here to see the Panama Canal, that’s ok. But please do contact me if you want to claim more of your Birthright of Pleasure and Aliveness! Start by filling out a Discovery Session Application here.

Vaya con la Diosa (go with Goddess), Carolina

A Shakti Success Story

Franca Baroni, Shakti Success StoryMeet Franca Baroni, Attorney at Law. She showed up at my door last year for her three-day Immersion, but she did not look like this. Her aura was gray… her demeanor somewhat guarded and uncertain. She told me of her childhood growing up in an area close to the northern border of Italy, being educated in Europe and the U.S., and currently living in Seattle. She was working as an immigration lawyer for the past several years supporting undocumented victims of crimes, domestic violence, and persecution. She spent many hours a week in the detention center bringing hope to those who’ve lost it. It was depressing to say the least and although her work was meaningful to her, she felt drained of her life force… her shakti energy.

We talked, we laughed, we giggled like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in too many years. She shared a common restraint that many women feel when receiving sacred spot massage from a female… from a woman and person who isn’t a sexual partner. It’s difficult to allow arousal even when feeling it. There is a stigma worldwide that says, “If it feels good with a woman then I must be gay” or something like that.

I carried a lot of fear in my early days of doing this work about being touched by a woman in sacred spot massage. It’s so foreign for a heterosexual woman always geared towards men for sexual pleasure. What if we like it? Honestly, the touch of a woman is so healing that of course we are going to like it!

In our initial talks, I gathered that Franca no longer felt in alignment with her “job.” She was drying up in her work life even though her extraordinary young son was the light of her life and she was pursuing various creative projects. That has all changed since our work together… when Franca realized that she was not fully living according to her essential divinely feminine essence… her powerful Shakti woke up and spoke to her at a whole new level, like never before!

A true bond of sisterhood and friendship was born during our sessions together. Franca recently sent me the above photo along with the schedule of appearances of her One-Woman Show featured in Seattle and Denver venues. I am compelled to share this journey with you of a woman who took her life in her hands and changed it dramatically!

This is Franca today. Wowza! You might say. She is a One Woman Show… and she is taking herself on the road. I am so proud of how Franca honestly and fully listened to her Shakti when she went home to Seattle… within two months she quit her regular job… leaning on her trust in herself and the Divine Feminine and letting the magic unfold. She still continues to work as an immigration lawyer, now freelancing, but her priority is to make space for the creative and sensual Goddess moving through her.

If we were to explore the details, I’m sure we would have much compassion for the amount of work it takes for a woman to do what Franca is doing… yet we would also share in the extreme joy she feels every time she goes on stage.

Here is a video about what One Woman is doing to share her gifts with the world: One-Woman Show “Act in the Public Heart: A Lawyer’s Journey” You can learn more how to get tickets for her live shows here. Franca has two shows coming up: Oct. 19 and Nov. 3 in Seattle, WA at the Jewelbox Theater.

For those of you considering the path of becoming a much-needed Teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® as a Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I know YOU will be the one writing articles one day about the people you have watched come into bloom with their shakti because of your belief in this sacred work. The Goddess and Divine Mother are calling you… are you listening?

Big love, Caroline

My Breast Friends

How many times have you criticized your own breasts? How many times have you hated them or wished they were different? Or are they your breast friends?

One in eight women will develop invasive breast cancer during her lifetime. It is the fifth most common cause of death from cancer in women. The rates of survival are improving because it is diagnosed at earlier stages and treated; however, an estimated 266,120 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in the U.S. in 2018.

My focus on this subject comes from several recent experiences I have had with women and the vulnerability of their breasts during my Awakening and Healing sessions. When I massage a woman’s body during my sessions, I always ask if I may touch her breasts with a healing intent.

As a woman touching another woman’s breasts I am very careful not to touch them with any intent for arousal, since my healing work is not about arousing her pleasure. Yet, I am now looking at my own fear and resistance behind that.

I recently had a client who asked if she could hold my breasts during a massage session. I had to re-examine my own boundaries for a long few seconds until I easily realized there was nothing to fear. I said, “Yes, of course,” and pulled off my top and the soft bra that held my large and lovely breasts (my breast friends). I was standing beside the massage table as I held her breasts while she held mine. Our eyes connected. I encouraged deep breathing and sounds to help move whatever surprise or anxiety we might be feeling. She shared with me that she has nursed four now-grown children, lamenting that she hoped to have surgery in the near future to lift her fallen breasts after the years of nursing.

We both felt emotional and loving during this exchange. I laid my breasts on top of hers placing my heart center on her heart center as we breathed with one another. To my surprise, I began to kiss her breasts, not her nipples, mind you, but as you might kiss a person’s cheek…and she returned kisses to my own. This was a delicate and tender moment that felt more tender and lovely than I can find words to express.

Tears fell from her eyes, as she said, “Caroline, this is the most healing moment I have ever experienced… now I can let the surgeon make them as lovely as they were before I nursed my four children.” And we both sensed when it was time to stop and integrate what we each felt. I was as altered by the experience as was she, and we both know that it was a moment we shall never forget.

Several months later, I had the honor and privilege of enjoying the breasts of another woman with whom I share a great deal of Shakti and desire… a very different energy as this woman is a friend and not a client. We are both very involved in conscious sexuality and sexual healing professionally, so it’s natural that these concepts would be present in the sharing of sexual desire and pleasure with one another. The pleasure I feel when she caresses my breasts, when she kisses my nipples and truly “loves” my breasts, feels like the most healing medicine of loving care I have ever known … from a woman.  There is simply NO WAY that diseases such as breast cancer could enter breasts that are this loved and revered.

When I inhale the scent of her… when I hold and enjoy her breasts, I am clearly in an altered state. She nursed her child for several years over twenty years ago, and I feel as though the child in me is being nourished by the ambrosia she carries. The experience with her goes so far beyond any sensual experience I have ever had with a man.

My recent explorations have greatly altered my view of who I am in my sexual identity and certainly as a woman. I know without a doubt that women can heal many issues around being female only in the intimate safety of another woman or women. I also believe that sharing pleasure with a woman that goes far beyond shopping together has value on so many levels. I weave the snippets of my past accumulation of intimate experience with women into a cloak of many colors. Now I wear it daily, as a reminder to revere the many-faceted gem of who I am… A Woman… a divinely feminine WOMAN~!

My personal life explorations into feminine sensuality are quite different from my work, where we guide women into holding sacred space for each other’s sexual healing and awakening, exploring such archetypes as “midwife” and “priestess.” When the barriers of fear and judgment break down and women melt into being held in this powerful space together, their healing impacts the entire planet and reaches backward and forward through the generations.

I’m happily settled in Panama now, establishing a new home and private practice. In the meantime, please consider joining us for our final Blue Spirit retreat in late November… Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing for Women. Several women are bringing their husbands to enjoy the beautiful infinity pool, ocean, and grounds while they are in the workshop.

Your radically awakened Caroline

Desire… passion… lust… ardor… love. These are compelling emotions. When they rise in me, like a wave upon the sea, I must hang onto something if I am to maintain any form of balance. This wave sweeps me into a cauldron of turbulence long before I land into anything formally familiar, such as peaceful serenity.

Quite honestly, desire is like a compulsive urge that takes over my otherwise clear focus. Gone is reason, sensibility, or the certainty that I know what my life actually looks like, for in the cauldron of desire I am rendered somewhat helpless.

And, I must admit, I love this visitation from Cupid’s arrows into the clear waters of contentment. I also fear this visitation, as I feel the rush of activated aliveness turning into intoxicated bliss. Suddenly every thought-form is now complex with the presence of an intensity to love – in this case – another.

Admitting to “I am in love” is akin to admitting I have gone crazy with desire. Now each breath contains the scent of the focus of this passion. His or Her skin is the only skin I ever want to feel again. His or Her scent is 100 Proof over-the-top sexual desire bubbling up from my genitals as it consumes everything in its wake within my formally familiar form. My legs shiver and my knees quake as my heart recognizes that I am in the grasp of this thing called Love.  All songs throughout my life that contain a recognition of this sword of Truth begin playing in my mind. I simply cannot return to a time before this visitation occurred. I am speechless, helpless, and hopelessly adrift.

I hope and pray it is simply temporary insanity!

Love and compassion for myself is my Rx for living a Life that is truly rewarding.  Happiness is a choice, often fostered by great friendships that spark a special aspect of my aliveness. Dare I say “yes”?  Dare you say yes?

With Amrita taking on the Sacred Feminine Mystery School Trainings, I actually have more time for Love. As this is my true path, I am eternally grateful… grateful for the opportunity to feel the depth of the love that I am.

My only solution for how big Love is, especially when Love goes beyond the One, is to hold the reality of loving others as the great Puja of Life. In the moment…  that looks like Love the One You’re With. In the next station of the Puja… Love the One You’re With… and on and on into the circle of Life.

Care to join me?

One hundred percent here with my Desire and my Love, Caroline