If you haven’t read Part 1, you’ll want the background before diving in to Part 2. Read it here.

More than four months have now passed since I began my “ideal” socially distant relationship with a man who reached out to me in January. I have been living in an altered state of consciousness for the majority of these past months, barely noticing the trials and tribulations of this major global and home life change due to the Coronavirus pandemic, social distancing, and everything familiar about my daily life upended. I’m still dancing on the rooftops with my new “friend,” we have burned up the airwaves with our text threads filled with words, photos, art, poetry, disappointments, hopes, dreams, and fantasies. Add to that a host of Word documents, emails (but only a very few phone calls), and one more zoom call.

We both love the silence of texting, though we often hear each other’s voices on the videos we send. I am clearly the one who has (what I am finally admitting) a serious crush on him. But really, is a crush soooo serious? Here’s what I found on Google…

Crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable.          

 The crush, as long as that person remain a crush, isn’t real. … A crush is a vaguely human-shaped hole in the air into which you pour your own imagination, dreams, projections, desires, and longings. Yes, a crush can turn into love. But before that happens, your crush must first turn into something else: a human being.

 Butterflies in your stomach, anxiousness over how long it takes for someone to text you back, obsessing about when you’ll see them again, sweaty palms, etc. Crushes-we’ve all been there, and they’re not just for those middle school days, seriously. The struggle of trying to actually chill out when you have a crush is real and the science behind crushes is fascinating, as are the precious stories of people’s crushes becoming real.

I am also thanking him profusely for holding space and connection with me while I unprofessionally summersaulted through this crush, writing him at all times of the day or night, always with salutations of “sweetheart,” “beloved one,” “gorgeous,” and on and on. At some point I began to realize that he was not feeling the same things I was, as he clearly, warmly, and honestly would inform me that he was just not open to sharing his sexuality or even becoming “virtual” lovers with anyone.

In such beautiful words, he defined this time in his life as a time to reclaim his autonomy while gaining higher insight into his nobility, integrity, and spirituality as a man, which of course just made me fall even harder.

Of course, my wise and mature self totally agrees and supports his feelings and his space. Aren’t I just the most spacious “lover” a man could ever ask for? Not only do I live with my domestic partner of twenty years, I am also twenty years older than “the other beloved,” not to mention half a world away!

And yet…. and yet…

Be sure to stay tuned for Part 3, where I describe the effect this man is having on me, in detail!

Big love, Caroline

How Human am I?

full-58590_1280-1Direct from the desk of Caroline here in Genoa, Nevada, where Fall looks like clear sunny days with cool crisp nights; winds blow and move the trees like spooky movies on Halloween, and a silvery, fat moon hangs suspended in the night sky.

I am beginning to nest in hibernation as my birthday comes near. Slippers and wool socks adorn the floor under my desk. Cups of Earl Grey repeat themselves throughout the day as I think of you and seek refuge in knowing you are there. I am also here with you, as a Priestess of the Divine Feminine and a Tantra Goddess all rolled into one.

My humanness is yours to know more about. As 72 years marks my calendar and photos from old shoots pass over my monitor in the form of wallpaper, I see the passing of time. I feel, however, the surges of creativity increase along with the markers of aging to skin that knew years and years of baking in the sun. I don’t regret a moment of it! Life is still an adventure waiting to happen. The warmth and joy of a life filled with the elements of sun, air, water, and fire continues to heat my burners. I rock with nature and She rocks with me.

Current musings and inspirations…

*I love the youth emerging on Kickstarter and IndeGoGo even as I wonder where all the new ideas come from as well as the energy it takes to implement them.

*I am drawn to visit France where The Magdalene supposedly consorted with Jesus after he was crucified and resurrected to live as a man who loves his woman.

*I see the days when my sweetie and I will fly away to explore more vacations in far away places that inspire our hearts and minds and set them on fire. We are still so young it almost hurts! Our vitamin cupboard fills a space so large, and it is where we worship in gratitude morning and night on the health and vitality we feel. Will is devoted to the results of nutritional supplementation like I am devoted to the results of sensual wholeness and pleasure… a great team after 15 years!

It continues to feel very heartwarming as so many people contact me to work with them. I love private Immersions for women and couples as they allow for a deepening that cannot happen in groups.

I am writing my next digital book for Living a Turned On Life, an online course that will be launched to the world in April, 2016.

Stay tuned my darling, as this she-creature from a clear lagoon splashes her way to shore.

Yours very truly, Caroline

by Caroline Muir “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.”

Fire heartPriest and philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin was on to something. If his words seem startling, it’s because we don’t usually think of love as a force of nature. But indeed it is! Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Some mystics say there are only two forces at work: love and fear… light and dark… the beginning and the end.

Sex is an expression of love, as taught historically in ancient India by the Tantric cultures. Yet, it must be sex practiced as an art form, as an offering to the Divine; as a yoga where union of male and female energies are expressed in human form, integrated  with the holy and the sacred. Passion is our birthright while pleasure is a close companion of passion. What inhibits some is the fear of the power of passion. There is passion in sex, just as there is passion for life, for success, for money, for our children… for everything that sings of aliveness.

Blue hands out sun ray tight crop resizeEverywhere I go, people notice something unique about me. I can finally admit this, having turned away many times from their recognition. Owning who I am… owning who you are… is Grace. It is a message to creation that you are paying attention. Vitality is a sister to aliveness. How do you rate your vitality? Does it accompany you throughout your day? What do you do about your vitality when it wanes? Rest? Push through? Drink more coffee?

In fact, much of your vitality is fueled by your sexual energy. That does not mean you need to have sex in order to be vital. In fact, sex often robs us of vitality if sex is something that is endured or done for the benefit of someone else. Education and rewiring of our thought forms about sex and sexual energy is essential in order to tap into the vitality and aliveness that sexual loving can offer.

Need a boost in your vitality, your aliveness, your passion? Bali is calling you! Come ride the biggest wave in history with me and bring your enchanted surfboards and magic carpets! Gals, we are rewriting Herstory with our persuasion and power to love with abandon. Wo[Man] creates Fire for the second time in history!