Rarely have I ever seen this particular topic covered with such elegance as in the Tedx talk delivered by Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage-Boosting Your Marriage Libido. She does a great job of revealing the pitfalls of a relationship where one partner desperately wants sex and the other is apathetic or unwilling.
One of my favorite parts in her talk is when she speaks about her real-life client stories. In particular, she talks about one spouse who reluctantly agrees to have sex, then remembers how enjoyable it is. Sadly, the spouse usually forgets again and the cycle continues.
Ms. Weiner-Davis talks about how a long-term sex-starved marriage often leads to divorce. She believes that there are ways to heal such situations, and gives 3 lessons:
1. You need to know your own way of connecting, but even more importantly, you need to become an expert in how your partner wants to connect.
2. If you are with someone who is yearning for more closeness, don’t delude yourself into thinking that sex is just “scratching an itch” and not that important. It’s a powerful way of connecting and bonding with someone you love.
3. When you understand your partner’s way of connecting, whether you agree with it or not, just do it. Healthy relationships are based on mutual caretaking and acts of love.
She concludes by saying that we have to take better care of each other to make the world a more loving place, one marriage, one relationship at a time.
I would love to get your input on this.
Big Love, Caroline
Do you happen to possess true self-confidence? I’m talking about more than just liking yourself. I mean truly feeling the breadth, the depth, and the pervasive, uplifting energy of life force that pours off of you in waves of self-acceptance that everyone around you can feel.
That would entail walking with authentic pride everywhere you go. That means you are in your mastery and power during intimacy. That also means you are in full disclosure behind your eyes… hiding nothing and exposing everything, fearlessly.
I’ve been looking back on my own journey of reclaiming, and remembering what it means to be embodied and in alignment with the divine in me. When I see or read or meet someone who has found that “spark” of passion to share or teach something that has given them a part of life they were missing, I bow in recognition and respect. This is what turns me on about someone… their unwavering assurance of what they are here to do.
During this going “inward” time I spoke about in a recent blog, I was ignited by a woman who in her sixties who found a new career. Cindy Joseph came across my screen on Facebook, and I immediately watched her video and then just as quickly ordered a beginners set of her new product line, BOOM! by Cindy Joseph, makeup for women over 40. Everything she is saying is exactly what I need to hear. Where else would I go to learn how older women wear makeup?
Her philosophy of “Pro-Aging” versus “Anti-Aging” got my juices flowing. Yes! Of course! When I think about how subtly subversive media messages and advertising are for women around aging, it seems so obvious! As I continue to heal the skin on my face from the laser procedure, I am confronted with something many men and women have struggled with, something that has an impact on their confidence. Acne scars, thinning lips, under-eye bags, drooping eyelids, crooked yellowing teeth… turkey necks, for god’s sake! Oh yes, don’t forget thinning hair, graying hair, and no hair.
Lack of self-confidence can be very painful. It undermines our knowing that we are beautiful human beings and that aging is a natural process. Others may not see what we feel… but you know, don’t you? Do your insides quiver when you feel the pain of not being sure of yourself? I am dedicated to helping others grow beyond what holds them back. It’s not just one thing you need to do, or even three steps that you must take… it’s a mindset shift. And people like Cindy Joseph are leading the way. BOOM! is the sound of the start of a revolution!
Tell me your inside story! What physical or emotional attribute holds you back from radical confidence? I want to know.
Juicy Love from Caroline
If you haven’t read part 1 of this post, it lays the foundation for this conversation. You can read it here.
If you are a woman over 50, how are you presenting yourself to the world? As a sexless granny? Or as the amazing, beautiful, sexy woman that you inherently are? It doesn’t matter how old you are, what size you are, or how many wrinkles you have. Your life force moves within you as much as you allow it until the day you leave this earthly plane.
We KNOW that older women hold the wisdom of life experience and the fire of deep pleasure within them. I can hardly think of anything more toxic to our feminine power than to deny who we really are! This kind of sexist stereotyping can lock women into a deep hunger that they have little permission to explore or satisfy. It’s time to get real.
Mature women who hide their essential feminine core are only pretending… as if there is something wrong with being fully alive. Who are you protecting? Your sons? Your reputation? This is something that may have been passed down from your own mother. And to her from her mother. It’s time for the old paradigm to shift. Let go of what no longer serves you! It’s time to be ALL that you truly are as a woman and a sexual, sensual being!
Please, share your feelings and thoughts about this topic. It’s VERY important and very much “up” right now in our culture.
Big Love, Caroline
Should Mature Women Hide Their Bodies?
Dr. Jenn Brandt, director of Women’s and Gender Studies at High Point University, recently responded to a tweet that raises some major assumptions about women’s sexual identity as we age. The tweet, made by Piers Morgan, accused actress Susan Sarandon of being “very tacky” for showing off her “ample cleavage.”
In her response, Dr. Brandt hit the nail on the head when she said: “We have two roles for women: when they’re young, a femme fatale sex object and then after that a mother or caregiver role.”
Let’s face it… breasts produce the milk that feed our offspring. Women nurse their young in public, though usually draped. As a woman in her ’70’s I would do exactly as Susan Sarandon has done… she ’shared’ her lovely breasts because she is still connected to her sensuality, her female confidence, and her passion for herself. She gets my vote!
The article goes on to say, What’s underneath all of this back and forth is society’s collective fear of a woman old enough to be a grandmother flaunting her sexuality. Women “of a certain age” are traditionally offered a limited range of activities; wearing muumuus, baking cookies and/or knitting. When a woman challenges that stereotype, it can and often does ruffle feathers.
For those men who uncomfortable with sexy women over 50… I bet my bottom dollar they see every older woman as their mother, and mothers are definitely relegated to the hidden, invisible “granny corner” by their sons!
Young men usually do not acknowledge their mothers and their mother’s contemporaries as alive, sensual, fully vibrant women who love their passion and love to play with it.
These moms have had to hide their feminine sensual side all of their lives so not to arouse their sons! What kind of toll does that take on a woman? And what good does it actually do for anyone to “protect” the sexual security of men?
What’s YOUR opinion on society’s expectations of women over 50?
What do you believe is REALLY possible for a woman over 50 in terms of her sexual energy and identity as a feminine being?
Please share this with the women you know and love who are over 50.